Mil let baby get sunburnt

[sunburntbaby]

I really don't know how to deal with this....

I'm on maternity leave looking after my 9mo. My mil had asked to have the baby alone once a week so we recently started doing that for an afternoon once a week. Yesterday was very hot, so hot I had to sit in the shade. Well....mil had him out in the sun and he's bloody sunburnt. Arms, face and neck. She said they were sitting out most of the afternoon (!!!) Aibu to think she should have had him in the shade?
Other more minor things include on 3 occasions in the past leaving him in a dirty Nappy and not putting him down for his nap (I'm assuming she doesn't want to cut into her time with him).
I think I will really struggle to trust her with him now. Surely it's common sense not to have a baby in the sun?
My dh is going to speak to her as he's pretty upset too.

I wouldn't leave the baby alone with her again. She sounds out of touch, at best. Sunburn is dangerous. I don't like the avoiding nappy changing, either. You stay in future, and keep it flexible - not every week, just as and when it suits you.

Where do you live op so we can see the UV and heat risks for that day? Just roughly?
You had applied sunscreen beforehand also.
I am struggling to believe that you are not exaggerating TBH.

And wrapped up and slathered means they don't increase their risk of skin cancer. There is no need for sun exposure to necessitate burning. Babies are at a greater risk of sunstroke and othe related conditions - it is a very basic failing that implies poor care or poor understanding.
An accident with huge apologies and a new plan I could cope with but any implication that it is over the top to worry would mean that she would not have my baby again.
Skin cancer is grim and almost always entirely avoidable.

She's failed repeatedly when it comes to the basics of baby care - even not putting him down for a nap counts as a failure to me. Babies need a nap and she knew that. Clearly, she knows that babies need to have their nappy changed when it's soiled, and they shouldn't sit out in the sun without a hat/SPF.

No way should you keep on handing him over when you don't want to or need to. The fact you have serious reservations about her common sense just compounds it.

Gentlemoose- wouldn't it be sensible before going to the GP to monitor the child first? See if there are any symptoms- like blistering, high temperature etc?

And of course put on some Aloe Vera?

my own DD got sunburn yesterday - whilst at school - her cheeks are rosy red this morning but no one knew it was going to warm up yesterday the way It did yesterday

danTDM

This isn't just one mistake though is it? The grandma is being lazy and op feels uncomfortable. She's not stopping the grandma from seeing the child, she just wants to be present as well. There is a big difference between being a bitch and wanting your baby looked after with love and car.

DanTDM my kids could have burnt on any of the last few days - if yours aren't pale with the ginger gene you won't notice. For me and mine a brief interlude of sun gives us redness all round. Actually my eldest has a pink nose at the moment having caught in the sun a few days ago - he is old enough that is his business not mine

Thanks for all your replies. I don't want to give too many details of the following discussion as it's potentially outing.

She had him for 3 hours and said they sat out 'most of the afternoon' don't know how long that means.

Ds and I are both very fair, in hot sun like yesterday even 20 minutes would be enough to be honest. My freckles have come out and I went slightly pink just from walking to and from somewhere and I sat in the shade when I got back.

Obviously we need sunlight but I don't think a baby needs to sit in the direct sun ever at that time of day.

I like my mil and don't believe she is malicious I am just angry at seeing my babies skin red.

I have put sudocream on him as that's what I have to hand and I will look again later once it's washed off in his bath.

I just wanted others opinions on what they would do / say really as sometimes I don't trust myself not to over react if you see what I mean. The fact that my dh is also upset shows me I'm not I suppose.

Thanks all.

danTDM - it's ridiculous to ask the OP to say where she is so that armchair experts can opine over the internet whether her baby is burnt

DC1 is ginger and could burn under a light bulb; DC2 is blonde and goes a light bronze in the same sunshine. I suspect the OP's baby has skin closer to DC1, given his age

The sun was definitely strong enough to burn in Yorkshire yesterday afternoon, even though it was cool enough to be wearing jumpers in the park.

Also as I said I don't need or want to childcare. It's purely as it makes mil happy.

@QuiteLikely5 No, not for burns that are 'properly red', and not for burns that cover such a large area. Personally I would get him checked out. The issue with burns is it's damage to an organ, people don't seem to realise this when they occur. They can get easily infected and they can quickly lead to secondary complications like severe dehydration.

So no, I wouldn't wait for 'properly red' burns in a young baby.

Fair enough stigma Yes, my DD burns as is half Irish!

But the OP clearly doesn't want reassurance, she does want to make a problem. Hence the thread is going on and on.

She will make a problem for sure, further down the line, with her husband and child and family.

It is being dealt with by DH. End of story. Unless you want to go on and on and on and on...

What contributes to the overall positive complete development of a child is loving attachments and bonds.

You're not wrong to be concerned but all I'm saying is bear in mind the bigger picture.

It is not ridiculous to ask where the OP is roughly
There could have been strong uv and she could show that to her DH and MIL and explain.

I would also say that depends on attitude. If she's also concerned about baby being all sunburnt and realises how fast it can happen - was an accident. I got sunburnt myself the other day, certainly not on purpose.
If she says you're making unneccessary fuss here and what's a bit of redness and you all were sunburnt as kids, no harm done - I would not leave the baby there.

The child was not hospitalied or sick or anything.

Although I am very sorry for your experience

She sounds thick. What an ignorant twat.

Was she even sorry? Has she asked how he is since?

Can well believe burns are possible, the UV is 6 here despite only 12c.

dan how on earth am I making a problem? Are you reading what I've written?

Yes OP, I am, loud and clear.

Nice peaFace, yep, the lady is a thick twat.

I once left my baby with my in laws.
The blistered nappy rash she got whilst in their care meant I never asked them to look after her again.

*But the OP clearly doesn't want reassurance, she does want to make a problem. Hence the thread is going on and on.

She will make a problem for sure, further down the line, with her husband and child and family.*

So what have I said that gives you this impression?
I have given up an afternoon a week with my ds for him to spend time alone with mil.
I have ignored dirty nappies (dried poo so obviously not fresh).
I have said nothing about him skipping naps despite it then making my evening difficult.
I have not yet said I'm stopping the time alone despite the sunburn.
We visit regularly and she stays overnight with us sometime.
I like my mil and don't think it's malicious.

Where the fuck am I making a problem?? I'm concerned that my baby has sunburn, would you not be??

As a fair haired person who used to get sunburn practically every year, sudocream is useless on the sore skin. pure Aloe Vera gel is the only thing that soothes. A cool bath later in the afternoon when the skin really starts to heat up and become uncomfortable and slather in aloe vera.

I think I'd leave it to DH to have a strong word with her. And not let her take the baby again if she can't manage the basics. The thing is, she did rear a child ok, but with any skill, 40 years since the last time you did it, you'd be rusty enough and have forgotten bits and pieces.

What was your MIL's reaction?

One thing if she was upset and realised with hindsight that she should have sat in shade/ put more sunscreen on

Completely different if she didn't see any issue with it and wouldn't do differently in future.

We're all caught out from time to time.

The main issue is whether she intends to make sure it won't happen again.