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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mil let baby get sunburnt

211 replies

sunburntbaby · 04/05/2017 11:23

I really don't know how to deal with this....

I'm on maternity leave looking after my 9mo. My mil had asked to have the baby alone once a week so we recently started doing that for an afternoon once a week. Yesterday was very hot, so hot I had to sit in the shade. Well....mil had him out in the sun and he's bloody sunburnt. Arms, face and neck. She said they were sitting out most of the afternoon (!!!) Aibu to think she should have had him in the shade?
Other more minor things include on 3 occasions in the past leaving him in a dirty Nappy and not putting him down for his nap (I'm assuming she doesn't want to cut into her time with him).
I think I will really struggle to trust her with him now. Surely it's common sense not to have a baby in the sun?
My dh is going to speak to her as he's pretty upset too.

OP posts:
diddl · 04/05/2017 11:44

Is there any point in speaking to her-it's done now!

I'd just stop the afternoons.

Maudlinmaud · 04/05/2017 11:45

Sparkling it was 18 degrees here yesterday. That's about as hot as it gets here, so people get their white bits out. It was positively balmy Grin

Original poster
sunburntbaby · 04/05/2017 11:46

I know it's not malicious but I honestly think she's a bit dim. Sorry that sounds horrible Sad

I don't even need childcare that's the thing. I think she assumed she would be having him for overnights from the off. She made a comment to someone (I overheard) about not being allowed to feed him when he was new - I was bf and if i expressed it was so dh could feed him. I know she's disappointed that we don't need or want babysitters at this stage so I compromised on the afternoon a week as i knew it would make her happy.

OP posts:
glitterglitters · 04/05/2017 11:46

Nope. That would be a deal breaker for me. I've had to have words with my mil for leaving my dd in dirty nappies when she's watched her, but if she came home sunburnt that would be the end of that.

DJBaggySmalls · 04/05/2017 11:46

YANBU, speak to her but to say she now has to earn your trust, and until she does, she cant have the baby. She has shown she is at best neglectful.

Gallavich · 04/05/2017 12:55

There is absolutely no need for her to have him on her own at all, let alone every week. Time to go back to her seeing him when you (or preferably DH) are around.

GeekLove · 04/05/2017 12:57

It might not be hot but the sky is clear and the sun is strong. I'll get a bad burn if I don't cream up. Remember that the sun now is as intense as it is in early August.

PhyllisNights · 04/05/2017 12:58

The baby is sunburnt?! Sorry, but I wouldn't let MIL anywhere near the baby unsupervised again. Clearly not responsible enough to be looking after the baby.

diddl · 04/05/2017 12:59

" I compromised on the afternoon a week as i knew it would make her happy."

So seeing her GS with a parent doesn't make her happy??!!

Well, it might have made her happy, but is it possibly that she wants it because she thinks she should have it/other GMs do it?

monkeyfacegrace · 04/05/2017 12:59

Totally missing the point but I'd KILL for a grandparent to want my kids. I never get a break, never.

And everyone In Wales think anything over 15 degs is scorching Grin

BuckinghamLass · 04/05/2017 13:01

" Provide suncream and tell her to keep him in the shade"

Anyone with a modicum of common sense wouldn't need to be told. This would be enough for me to stop the afternoons for now.

Angelicinnocent · 04/05/2017 13:02

My DM did this once when my DS was little but to be fair it was overcast and she didn't realise. She was also mortified and I knew it would never happen again. Depends for me on how she reacted to letting your lo get burnt but, that said, I would have taken issue with the dirty nappies

NavyandWhite · 04/05/2017 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZiggyForever · 04/05/2017 13:04

OP what was MIL's attitude when it transpired that he was burnt? I'd be more inclined to forgive and forget if she was upset and felt bad about it, rather than unrepentant and dismissive of it.

QuiteLikely5 · 04/05/2017 13:06

For the love of God!

The woman loves him - he is related to her - she cares about him and she wants to spend time nurturing him!

Ok she got it wrong - not by being malicious but by being thoughtless but a little bit of sunburn is not the end of the world

Where is your wisdom?

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/05/2017 13:06

It doesn't sound like this arrangement suits you. She's not respecting his routine or changing his nappy fast enough. I would have thought the sunburn was one thing too many. So don't do it if it feels wrong.

Hissy · 04/05/2017 13:07

Baby is busy next week.

She's approaching this from HER benefit point of view, it's a selfish desire to play dolls with your child.

go visit, by all means, but no, baby is not doing these afternoons again.

Batteriesallgone · 04/05/2017 13:08

Where is yours quite? A child's health should be paramount. Love without respect isn't worth having. All too often it's control in disguise.

selsigfach · 04/05/2017 13:13

South facing garden and totally sheltered so yes it was really hot, my husband (who takes after the OP's MIL) got really burned. Conservatory floor is too hot to walk on!

pigsDOfly · 04/05/2017 13:14

Completely beside the point but it was pouring with rain here most of yesterday, and cold.

All this 'she's got to earn the right to have her DGC on her own' sounds a bit silly to me. How exactly does she earn back the right to look after a child on her own.

Having said that, she wouldn't be looking after my child on her own that's for sure. Letting a small child burn is completely irresponsible, or stupid; either way, you need to be there to make sure your DC is safe when in her company.

Not changing nappies would be enough for me to stop the visits, let alone causing a child pain and potential harm.

MrEBear · 04/05/2017 13:17

I'm sorry but I'd be bouncing at all 3 of those.
I'd put her down as selfish / lazy. She wants to do the fun bits of grandparenting but doesn't want to actually care for baby. Poor baby.

I categorise my MIL as selfish.
Few weeks back I went to the loo in a cafe. Came back to find baby screaming and stuffed into the buggy with MIL ready to march of with baby. Clearly LO wasnt settling. I lifted LO to find they were sitting in a dirty nappy. It made me seethe to think she was so busy with her agenda of buggy pushing that LOs needs of a clean bum weren't even on the radar.
Not the first time my kids needs have come second to her wants then she wonders why I don't want them to stay overnight.

NennyNooNoo · 04/05/2017 13:19

I think I'm in a parallel universe. I had my coat on yesterday and one f them mums was wearing gloves at school pick up.

It doesn't matter how old she is: common sense has always been that you don't put babies in the sun. What has she said about it? If she's mortified, then I'd give her another chance and assume that it won't happen again. If she's blasé, then I would discontinue the arrangements.

chocatoo · 04/05/2017 13:21

I would still see her once a week but stay - i.e. she sees you both. Then build up slowly - perhaps leave him for an hour rather than an afternoon. That way she will have more chance to observe how you'd like things to be done/get to know your way of doing it.

NewStateswoman · 04/05/2017 13:21

My MIL used to look after our son 3 afternoons a week. This is what happened:

  • He threw up in the car on the way home. When I asked what he'd eaten I was told fish, chips, peas, bread and butter, 2 yoghurts, a chocolate biscuit and about half a jar of beetroot. Angry
  • I picked him up and they said he wasn't well. He was unbelievably hot and was lying in their living room, heating on full blast, windows shut, wearing every single piece of his clothing, including his shoes. They didn't even think to open a window or take his jumper off.

Shortly after that, we found a childminder. And he has only stayed there overnight now that he is 5.

AppleTree92 · 04/05/2017 13:25

How does a baby get sunburnt?
It's common sense not to have everything on show! Thin long sleeved tops and leggings are enough!

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