Mil let baby get sunburnt

[sunburntbaby]

I really don't know how to deal with this....

I'm on maternity leave looking after my 9mo. My mil had asked to have the baby alone once a week so we recently started doing that for an afternoon once a week. Yesterday was very hot, so hot I had to sit in the shade. Well....mil had him out in the sun and he's bloody sunburnt. Arms, face and neck. She said they were sitting out most of the afternoon (!!!) Aibu to think she should have had him in the shade?
Other more minor things include on 3 occasions in the past leaving him in a dirty Nappy and not putting him down for his nap (I'm assuming she doesn't want to cut into her time with him).
I think I will really struggle to trust her with him now. Surely it's common sense not to have a baby in the sun?
My dh is going to speak to her as he's pretty upset too.

Hospitalisation isn't the threshold for neglect!

heyto I haven't had a chance to properly speak to dh yet. Doesn't sound as upset as she could have been but that might be my dh interpretation.
I think I'll suggest next week the 3 of us go for a nice lunch together / park.
I'm certainly not contemplating cutting my ds granny off from him, that would be awful.

Thanks jaysis I will get some aloe vera then.

i would be unhappy with the sunburn but i guess my reaction e.g. deciding wither or not to have GM look after DC would depend on her reaction. if she didn't seem too bothered or apologetic i wouldn't let her look after him again - it is basic common sense to put sun cream on baby and put him in the shade but i understand mistake happens - as long as it's not repeated.

now i may sound abit stupid (apologies) how do you know that GM has intentionally left him in a dirty nappy ?

Good Grief, who said that it was batteries
I just highlighted that one posters awful experience of being hospitalised HAD NOT IN ANY WAY happened to this child.

OP you posted in AIBU.

I think you are.
You didn't like that response. But it is my opinion.
Also, yes, Sudocreme is the last thing you should be using.

dan it's fine if you think I'm being unreasonable being worried about the sunburn. I posted to see if I was overreacting.
What I object to is you saying I'm going to cause problems with the mil / dh etc in the future? Where the fuck did you get that idea from?

now i may sound abit stupid (apologies) how do you know that GM has intentionally left him in a dirty nappy

I don't think it is intentional, I just don't think she smells his bum to check, although how she can't smell it I don't know, he's stinky

Where are all you parents who dont need/want/beg for help with childcare and overnight stays?? me all my friends with GC are constantly being asked to help.

May I remind all mothers with sons, this is how you will be spoken about in a few short years

Only if we behave like irresponsible eejits. It has nothing to do with being the mother of sons - two of my sons have dc and I regularly look after their little ones. My sons (and my daughters in law) know they can trust me to keep to whatever routine they've established and in any case, I'm probably even more watchful with their wee ones than I was with my own.

It was sunny all day here yesterday and I cannot imagine leaving a baby out in it without sun protection - my own babies wore it back in the 70s, so why doesn't this granny know what to do? As for not changing nappies, and skipping naps - why?? If you really love your grandchild, you'd do anything to keep them comfortable, well-rested and safe, surely?

It's a huge responsibility looking after other people's dc - but too often on here I read of grandparents who regard it as their right to have time alone with fairly young babies as though they were playthings - that I don't understand. I enjoy seeing my grandchildren just as much when their parents are there - why wouldn't I?

I know it's fine.

YABU there you go.

Because you will build DEEP resentment and I have a funny feeling I am more mature and experienced than you. Which is why you posted, no? For opinions and experience, which you have had, in spades.

Or did you just want the type of poster to saw MIL is a thick twat? I noticed you did not defend you MIL for that appalling sexist and ageist comment.

I agree with some of the posters on here regarding MIL reaction. If she's upset too I'd give her another chance as well as a lesson in baby sun care.

If she's not considering it a problem, make them supervised visits.

I don't think you are being unreasonable OP. I'd be mortified if someone did that to my baby boy.

"I think I will really struggle to trust her with him now."

Yes, you will. Particularly after being validated by others on here who have also been let down by their feckless, incompetent, out of touch, behind the times, stupid, vengeful, mindless, dim (any one of these) MILs.

Don't ever hand precious LOs over to PILs, however hard they beg. They will disdain the use of car-seats, ignore your stated nap times, feed the child on crap, not bother to change a dirty nappy, and let the child get sunburnt. They just don't care a whit, nor know a thing, about how to properly and safely care for that little descendant of theirs.

Pay for childcare you know is safe and certificated. Keeping children safe is incredibly difficult and specialised, and your peace of mind is invaluable.

dan I haven't replied to every individual comment, no. I have however said a few times that I like my mil and she's not malicious.

You honestly sound like an arsehole, not the mature grown up you're hoping you sound like.

I let my niece get sunburnt once. It was 15 years ago and I feel guilty to this day. Is she beating herself up about it?

My mil had asked to have the baby alone once a week

Why?? Why would she possibly need to have him alone rather than with you there too? I find that very weird.

agree that for now, group things should be the way forward, so you don't leave DD alone with your MIL if you aren't confident that MIL will look after her well.

This is the approach I've taken with my parents, my mum is very forgetful and means well, but I'm not confident she could care for DCs well until they are old enough to say "Granny, I need X Y Z ", so they only see the DCs with me along as well. I've not stopped my Mum seeing the DCs, only we meet up together. MIL on the other hand is much more on the ball, so I'm happier for her to have the DCs without me needing to be there.

It's not a MIL vs DIL thing, more judging each grandparent on their ability to care for DGC (and saying "oh they raised you/your DH ok" doesnt matter, my mum wasn't forgetful or as tired or had as many health issues 40 years ago.)

More mature? Lol most 'mature people' generally don't feel the need to announce their maturity to all and sundry.

"I have a funny feeling I am more mature and experienced than you."

Yet you think as long as a child isn't hospitalised anything goes as far as sunburn and nappy rash.

I think sometimes when a thread is about a mil the actual problem is ignored/the advice is different. Op my mum has unintentionally done all of the things you have mentioned, she really isn't an idiot but as she is my own mother it was much easier to sort out, I would just tell her it is a problem, she wants to be with your ds which implies she wants to have a good relationship with him and get it right, she has made mistakes but if she is otherwise good I would just keep an eye or leave th arrangement until he is slightly older. But the nappy thing would piss me off as it's happened more than once, sunburn is just so easy at the beginning of summer on a young child, I've only today put the sun cream back in my handbag and would have been caught short if we had had any of this nice weather

danTDM no you don't sound mature. You sound self righteous, pompous, and spoiling for a fight, determined to piss on OPs comments no matter what. Yes it's AIBU, but in this case he OP comes over much more reasonable, measured and mature than you.

I missed the bit about car seats though. That might change things

Fucking hell Apples, I hope you're being sarcastic

It doesn't matter if it's a parent, an IL, a friend, a relative or even paid childcare. If the trust is broken then it's broken. Doesn't matter who it is or how you know them.

more mature and experienced

What the fuck does that matter! As a 50 year old mother of 4 and gran of 3 I wouldn't let my grandchild get sunburnt and be mortified if it happened.

I also had 2 sons.my dils are great. We a trust each other.

ohfour x post.

crashbang I know what you mean, I bet if I put 'dm let baby get sunburnt', dan wouldn't even be commenting.