Mil let baby get sunburnt

[sunburntbaby]

I really don't know how to deal with this....

I'm on maternity leave looking after my 9mo. My mil had asked to have the baby alone once a week so we recently started doing that for an afternoon once a week. Yesterday was very hot, so hot I had to sit in the shade. Well....mil had him out in the sun and he's bloody sunburnt. Arms, face and neck. She said they were sitting out most of the afternoon (!!!) Aibu to think she should have had him in the shade?
Other more minor things include on 3 occasions in the past leaving him in a dirty Nappy and not putting him down for his nap (I'm assuming she doesn't want to cut into her time with him).
I think I will really struggle to trust her with him now. Surely it's common sense not to have a baby in the sun?
My dh is going to speak to her as he's pretty upset too.

I just thought it might make you reconsider your ridiculous over reaction.

Bertrand but not being trusted to look after a child alone is not the same as being "cut off" is it? I don't think anyone is suggesting that OP should be going NC.

BertrandRussell I don't think anyone is talking about cutting the grandmother off from her grandchild. The are talking about supervising a quite young baby alone and whether that is wise. That's all.

Ratatatouille great minds think alike, I cross posted with you.

"Not being trusted to look after a child alone ever again" is a ridiculous over reaction in this situation. The vast majority of parent have/will let their child get burnt- I don't know a single one that hasn't. I suspect I only haven't let mine because, sadly, I learnt my lesson on my niece.

bertrand I agree most children probably will get some degree of sunburn at one point. However ds is 9 months and can't crawl yet, how hard is it to put him in the shade and keep him there?

But she also doesn't change nappies when needed. She hasn't demonstrated very good judgement. Given that the OP is leaving the baby with her at her request and hasn't actually asked her to provide childcare, it just seems like an unnecessary risk to take.

Also I was never burnt as a child. My parents made sure I was in the shade / covered / wearing factor 30. I've been burnt since due to my own stupidity as an older teenager.

Poor baby. Is it sore? Get some coconut oil on him - it really calms sunburn down.

As for mil, I might have her over to look after him "while I get some jobs done" then she's still doing you a favour, your baby gets time with her but you can also keep a sneaky eye on her. If she protests, say he has separation anxiety and this is the easiest way for her to see him at his best.

And your DH must talk to her about what happened and make sure she knows it's not acceptable.

Child burnt - yes. Once they are toddlers desperate to spend every minute out in the garden on a nice day and running out of the shade, it's easy to see how it happens.

Baby? No. I don't know anyone who let their baby burn. I'm surprised there are people on this thread talking about it so casually. Sunburn is serious on a baby, far more so than a child.

Temperature irrelevant. UV levels rocketing, seven weeks to peak . anyone not wearing sunscreen outside is a knob, and of course an unprotected baby got fried.

this.

and it is possible to get sunburnt in march in the uk. I know, I have managed it.

Just to back up @sunburntbaby babies shouldn't be in direct sunshine at any point. Their skin is SO sensitive any slight bit of sunburn is about 10x the effect on their skin as an adult etc. Not to mention trying to calm down a baby who is far too young to understand sunburn and find out how they are feeling. They also risk getting sunstroke which can be dangerous enough when your an adult, when you don't understand and you can't communicate how you feel.

I have a similar thing with my mil, don't need he childcare but they offer and feel obliged to let them on occasion for their own relationship. I don't think you're overreacting at all. If this had been my mil and dc, my dh would have gone batshit at his mum. I would make excuses and insist on being with them when they have ds as you've suggested etc.

@BlackeyedSusan You can get sunburnt in the shade, and by the wind as well.

I think the problem is now this has happened you have lost confidence in her ability to care for your baby safely. Having not caref for a child for what 30 years ? She is probably not on the ball when it comes down to it like i imagine a lot of grandparents - although it seems commonsense to us nowadays it might not be to her. I would also question about her no putting child doen for a nap - its not very caring if your baby needs one!!

The thing is, if you sent your child to nursery and you picked them up tired and grumpy (because the nursery had ignored your request to put them down for a nap), sunburnt and in a dirty nappy, you wouldn't send them back and you'd complain. The fact that it's a grandparent providing inadequate care rather than a nursery worker is neither here nor there in terms of the impact of those things on the child.

I feel sure I'm not getting a full story.
I lean towards YABU.
Mostly b/c I'm an imperfect parent.
Would you like your MIL to be just as unforgiving towards you, OP?
If you had done those things to your baby (accident, tiredness), would your MIL be bang to rights in telling your DH you were an unfit mother?

... oh, and idea of wasting GP time to look at a mild sunburn is like...

I just thought it might make you reconsider your ridiculous over reaction
you need to reconsider your use of ludicrous hyperbole

my children were babies in the 1980's, I never once let them get sunburned, neither would I now let a child get burned

what were you thinking of with your niece??

Ragged

From the NHS website

"You should also see your GP if a young child or baby has sunburn, as their skin is particularly fragile."

HTH.

ragged she hadn't apologised so I'm not being unforgiving. It seems that she's not that bothered. However I've not spoken to her myself so I'm reserving judgement.

Not sure if the gp comment is to me, I've not said I'm considering taking him to the gp although the NHS does advise it. I will just keep an eye on it myself.

Also if I was not putting him down for a nap / not changing his dirty nappy / getting him sunburnt every time I looked after him then I would be unfit.
However I'm not saying she's unfit, I'm still trying to decide on that. Next week we'll go out together so she still gets to see him and I will see if she says anything about it.

"what were you thinking of with your niece??" I screwed up and didn't apply more sunscreen when I should have done. You ever made a mistake?

Pigs please don't think I mean any offence: I simply mean that it must be very difficult to love a new baby so much and yet not be "in charge".

I've spoken to my own mum about this at length. Apparently she has the same unconditional love for her grandsons as she does for my sister and I, but she's very aware that there is a fine line between caring and interfering.

I'm not saying in any way that what op's mil has done is acceptable. Demanding to have a baby alone is not on, and neither is breaking op's trust on the sunburn, naps and nappies.

I'm not really sure why after reading the NHS guidance, that you are not taking him to see a GP.

In regards to your MIL, it may not be malicious but she needs talking too. There are somethings that you are right to ignore, but there are others that you cannot. This is one of those times. Please remember that the weather will get warmer.....next time it could be worse.