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Original poster

Mil let baby get sunburnt

211 replies

sunburntbaby · 04/05/2017 11:23

I really don't know how to deal with this....

I'm on maternity leave looking after my 9mo. My mil had asked to have the baby alone once a week so we recently started doing that for an afternoon once a week. Yesterday was very hot, so hot I had to sit in the shade. Well....mil had him out in the sun and he's bloody sunburnt. Arms, face and neck. She said they were sitting out most of the afternoon (!!!) Aibu to think she should have had him in the shade?
Other more minor things include on 3 occasions in the past leaving him in a dirty Nappy and not putting him down for his nap (I'm assuming she doesn't want to cut into her time with him).
I think I will really struggle to trust her with him now. Surely it's common sense not to have a baby in the sun?
My dh is going to speak to her as he's pretty upset too.

OP posts:
alltouchedout · 04/05/2017 13:27

^Ok she got it wrong - not by being malicious but by being thoughtless but a little bit of sunburn is not the end of the world

Where is your wisdom?^

Where was the grandmother's wisdom?

Sunburn is painful, increases skin cancer risks and is totally avoidable. Although one case of sunburn in a baby (unless it is really bad) is not going to meet the threshold for involvement, people should be aware that such an injury is one of the things that could trigger a referral to social services. To allow a baby to become sunburnt is neglectful. It really shouldn't be minimised.

sticklebrix · 04/05/2017 13:27

I'm afraid that I would stop leaving her in sole charge of the baby. Wouldn't stop the visits, but would stay with MIL and DS for the foreseeable future until I was completely reassured that she can keep the baby safe.

YANBU.

TheGentleMoose · 04/05/2017 13:27

Firstly, if your DS has "properly red" sunburn covering his arms, face and neck, please get him checked out medically. Sunburn in young children should always be checked out by a GP [NHS guidelines]. Red sunburn can go either way and it could actually be second degree burns - is it blistering?

Keep him hydrated with lots of water. Aloe vera is brilliant to for cooling down the skin.

With regards to your MIL she probably does feel awful, and it is difficult to tell when skin is burning at the time. I would lay down some laws now regarding sun time - hat, screen, sun shirt and limited time in the sun outside of the hours around the middle of the day are what is currently advised for young children and babies. Never drape blankets onto a pram to shield the baby from the sun and remember that reflective surfaces can cause sunburn from the reflection (this includes water).

Has she apologised and does she realise how bad it is?

Sprinklestar · 04/05/2017 13:31

She wouldn't be seeing my child again. She had the means to protect him from the sun and chose not to. She sounds horrific!

selsigfach · 04/05/2017 13:33

Are you breastfeeding OP? Putting breastmilk onto the burned skin is a great way of bringing it down.

BadTasteFlump · 04/05/2017 13:36

I would try to get out of the habit of doing anything 'to keep MIL happy'.

She's not a child, and it's not your job to keep her happy - her happiness is her responsibility. If you don't want to have to stick to the 'rule' of her having your baby one day a week I would just say 'Sorry MIL but this isn't working for me, being away from baby has made me realise I really want to make the most of every day of my maternity leave, so in future we will both visit you together now and again'.

Now I just need to follow my own advice....

ohfourfoxache · 04/05/2017 13:38

There is absolutely no way I'd be letting her look after him again. Once the trust is broken that would be it - and she's broken your trust before.

QuiteLikely5 · 04/05/2017 13:43

Talking of common sense - the baby was there for a few hours? So he sat in the sun for four hours did he?

I doubt it

The temperature was how high yesterday?

This was a non malicious accident

GP for a bit of sunburn? It will probably have gone by tomorrow- there was no other symptoms so why waste the resources

A granny babysitting who didn't apply sunscreen with the outcome being sunburn - is not the devil

Wisdom! In a year from now or five from now will this matter? Will it have an adverse impact?

I doubt it

MotherofBoy · 04/05/2017 13:48

Haven't read through but I literally could have written this last week! Mil looked after our DS who is nearly 2. Left him outside for a nap and half his face got burnt, and his cheek blistered. I nearly cried I was so upset to see his poor burnt baby skin. Mil apologised and said didn't realise strength of sun as it was cloudy. So not much can do really. We moisturised it with oilatum 3x daily and it's better now. But I was really peed off

Goingtobeawesome · 04/05/2017 13:50

I don't know if it's still the case but I have previously read that it only takes one case of sunburn to potentially mean cancer in later life so definitely make it clear this must not happen again.

Batgirlspants · 04/05/2017 13:50

quite well yes and no but as a gran myself I would be mortified if that happened on my watch. You have to trust who has your kid be that nursery/cm/friend/mil.

It's how she reacts that matters

MotherofBoy · 04/05/2017 13:50

Also my mil is same with nappies she forgets to change him. Constantly have to remind her. I think she thinks she is helping us save money by not changing him so often! I've learnt to cope with how she is with DS. As I do want them to have a close relationship. Dh thinks the sun shines out of her arse and she can do no wrong which is a bit infuriating. Once she drove him in a car seat not strapped up and not fitted into car. Literally just sat the car seat on the seat. I do despair quite a lot...

LostPeppers · 04/05/2017 13:51

You are not overreacting re the sun.
I've grown with now suncream too in a tropical place. I would still have never left a baby that age in the sun all afternoon.
Going in and out, staying for awhile yes. But notbthat long and certainly not in the middle of the day.
Baby's skin is very fragile (as are their eyes btw).

If the issue is that she is a 'bit dim' would making it clear that he is NOT to go the sun wo coverage/suncream/umbrella enough somthat it doesn't happen again? Or will she carry on because she knows best?

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 04/05/2017 13:53

What has she said about it?

danTDM · 04/05/2017 13:54

quite brava. I am not a grandma, but I am sick of these threads.
Look after your own child and send it wearing sunscreen and a hate, like in nursery.

I live in Spain where it is considerably hotter than this supposed -scorcher- in the UK Hmm

As for not changing the nappy? Do you know when your child DID the shit?

FFS. Don't send child and get the extra help.

ohfourfoxache · 04/05/2017 13:56

Op has said that she doesn't need/want the "help": mil is asking to have dc.

MotherofBoy · 04/05/2017 13:56

Should add she only drove him a mile in a 30mph zone but still.

TheGentleMoose · 04/05/2017 13:56

'GP for a bit of sunburn' - a bit of sunburn doesn't go "properly red". The fact that it's arms, neck and face means that's it's actually a large area. There are further complications to sunburn, particularly if it is deep red.

Medical advice is to get the babies and young children with sunburn checked out.

OlennasWimple · 04/05/2017 13:56

OP, you've already said that DH is going to talk to her. Wait and see what happens. If she is concerned, then fine, you can talk about sun screen etc. If she dismisses it as nothing then there is more of a problem. What is good is that DH is engaged and should the one to resolve the problem

QuiteLikely5 · 04/05/2017 13:57

Well we should all be terrified. Our skin needs the sun on it especially our upper arms. We can't do that with children because they're usually wrapped up or slathered in sun cream.

A little time in the heat and sun is good for our skin.

In this case - yes granny made a mistake I'm not saying it was great but all things considered she meant well and that's the key thing.

We don't know how she responded or why she didn't apply cream or of the baby was only out for 30 mins

danTDM · 04/05/2017 13:59

May I remind all mothers with sons, this is how you will be spoken about in a few short years.

Unless you think it was intentional and malicious, which I utterly doubt, this is your DH's DM and your Dc's GM. Your DH is having a word, your DC is fine and to go on the internet for validation is ODD.

Depressing.

TheGentleMoose · 04/05/2017 14:00

@QuiteLikely5 There is a huge difference between spending time in the sun in the early or later hours of a day and a baby being severely sun burnt.

BlackeyedSusan · 04/05/2017 14:00

redness is a sign of skin damage. and sunburn increases your risk of having cancer later. and it fucking hurts.

Batteriesallgone · 04/05/2017 14:02

Oh yes being dismissive of NHS advice is so very wise Hmm

ohfourfoxache · 04/05/2017 14:02

The gender of children has nothing to do with it. It's about being trustworthy and not going against the wishes of parents.

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