To be amazed my husband didn't ask the doctor?

[DrSeuss]

If your five year old had to have a minor operation which is sometimes done under general a aesthetic and sometimes local, and husband went to the hospital to discuss this today, would you expect him to know which form of anaesthetic will be used? Apparently, despite me clearly reminding him to ask, he has no idea! Seemed a fairly basic question to me. Would be handy to know if she has to fast or not, how much time I should ask for as LOA etc, don't you think? I couldn't get the time off today but thought a man with advanced post grad qualifications might be able to handle this. Makes me realize that I have to be the one to accompany my child if I want anything sorted out.
Unlike my MIL, I do not find male inefficiency cute or endearing, just infuriating! Yes, we can ring and ask but surely it's a basic question to ask and which I thought I'd made clear he should ask. To top it all, he left DD's tube of eczema cream in the middle of the bathroom floor and someone trod on it!

What stopped you from going?

YANBU but I'd have expected the surgeon to raise it primarily.

She didn't say that she couldn't get the time off work Ginger

My husband would have been the same. I find his lack of curiousity frustrating as well. Knowing what he is like I would have given him a written list of questions to ask.

As stated above, I was at work and couldn't get away. Will make damn sure I do on the day, though. The surgeon probably did say, husband has no idea.

Ginger - probably work / other children to look after I guess. Not sure why the op would need to answer that though

Don't they give you written instructions? I've had some surgeries and so have my kids, and we always get a sort of flyer with the preop instructions on it.

ginger not sure why that would be a relevant question (even if it wasn't answered already very clearly in the OP)

What stopped you from going?

Firstly RTFT and secondly I really don't see the point of this question. Misses the point of the OP entirely

But why do they need a list written by their wife? I took her to hospital when she had her initial accident. I worked out what I needed to know by myself and made sure I found out. He was two hundred miles away at the time, working. He works in industry at a pretty high level, has academic qualifications in science at a far higher level than me but still fucks up such a simple thing. My MIL would find my attitude very harsh and immediately find excuses for him. I just want to scream.

If there's a leaflet I haven't seen it.

but thought a man with advanced post grad qualifications might be able to handle this.

He works in industry at a pretty high level, has academic qualifications in science at a far higher level than me but still fucks up such a simple thing.

Since when does academia have anything to do with common sense?

You either have it or you don't, but I would no more assume that someone who is good at science, would be any better at these things than someone who is good at singing for example.

Either way it's difficult to tell whether you're being particularly harsh on him, because some people aren't good in certain situations that others find a total breeze.

Only you know whether this was down to awkwardness, lack of care, or lack of common sense.

And yes, you should obviously have something in writing.

If it wasn't given to him today, it will no doubt arrive in the post.

I hear ya, OP, it's frustrating isn't it?

Did DD not get any information at all about the procedure? Or maybe that will come when they confirm the date in writing?

This would drive me fucking bonkers.

You'll get something in the post. But he should have found out, of course.

What difference would it make? You aren't going to argue with the surgeons decision.

Probably lack of common sense! Which I don't understand. He is well respected at work where he designs and supervises complex processes on a chemical plant with all that entails. I suppose I think that someone who can do that, heading a team, should be able to work out what to ask a doctor at a preliminary appointment but it seems not....

My husband would have been clueless too and I would not judge him for not asking the questions I wanted to ask. I would have gone to ask my own questions.

No intention of arguing with the surgeon. However, a local does not require fasting and has a short recovery period. A general does not, so I need to know how long to take off work and whether to feed my child that day.

When you get your admission date, the letter will give you information re: nil by mouth times etc.
But, yes, it was a simple question to ask today, and would help with you preparing your dd mentally for it. I would imagine that a GA would be the route of choice for a small child as you'd want them to be still throughout the procedure.

I would ask totally different questions from dh un such a situation. Neither of would be right and neither wrong, just different.

Have you been given an appointment? Surely all relevant information will be included in the letter confirming the appointment date?

Again, I was not able to go, I had to work. He had leave left to use. I told him what to ask, all simple stuff, I highlighted relevant parts of the appointment letter. Frankly, it was a bit like preparing my Year Nines for a test! To extend my AIBU, why should any supposedly intelligent adult need spoon feeding to ask a medical professional basic questions?

You are most definitely not being unreasonable. You shouldn't have to give him a list of questions, you shouldn't have to be the one who has to go to every appointment, and you should be able to rely on your child's father to ask pertinent questions and recall information he was no doubt given about this.

I'd be very surprised if this wasn't mentioned in today's discussion, because as you say it does make a difference in how you prepare for the op. It's likely that you will get an information leaflet in the post, but might be best to phone and check.

I would be annoyed.