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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If opportunity presented itself would you send your DC to boarding school?

515 replies

VladmirsPoutine · 02/05/2017 14:55

My DP is public / boarding school educated. I'll be honest and admit I was shocked as fuck when I found this out. He's now something of a very high flier with views I don't necessarily share but we work it out nonetheless.

On the subject of our future dc he said he'd be happy for them to board. I don't agree with this largely because I think I'd miss them too much.

Do you think you'd send your dc to boarding school given the chance?
I'm not really able to say why I disagree with it other than I would like to see them every night and tuck them in, do homework, have dinner and so forth.

Dp looks at me like Hmm when I say this. He says of course I can have all that but I think he just wants them to have what he had and as he says he hasn't turned out too bad; he's right - he hasn't.

OP posts:
natwebb79 · 02/05/2017 14:59

No. Unless they had their heart fully set on being a top ballet dancer/actor/something else specialised and a boarding school specialising in that art offered thema scholarship. I would still have to be 100% sure it was what they wanted and would make it clear that they could change their mind at any time. It would break my heart to be away from them though.

MsGameandWatch · 02/05/2017 15:01

No. I boarded and while it wasn't all bad, I don't think young children should be away from their parents for months at a time. I know it's supposedly very different now but it just wouldn't be right for our family.

Tobolsk · 02/05/2017 15:01

No, I was sent to boarding school, it did not help me academically, and it added a lot of distance to the relationship with my mother.

Cantseethewoods · 02/05/2017 15:02

Depends what age, how far from home and whether weekly was practical. I wouldn't rule it out but the desire would need to come from them.

JennyOnAPlate · 02/05/2017 15:02

No way in hell.

alltouchedout · 02/05/2017 15:03

No. Not happening.

PatriciaHolm · 02/05/2017 15:04

No (and DH boarded too, at a top boys only UK school and he wouldn't send ours in a million years!)

cowgirlsareforever · 02/05/2017 15:05

I know people who have done this through being offered scholarships and to be honest their dc did not receive fantastic educations.

Elllicam · 02/05/2017 15:05

No, I would miss them too much and I think they would miss me and DH too much.

Thefabulousfeminist · 02/05/2017 15:06

No, it's a mad, cruel, thing that the English upper classes started doing so they didn't have to bring up their own children. Utterly bonkers - why bother having children if you're going to send them away at 7 or whatever?

Cantseethewoods · 02/05/2017 15:07

V v few children boarding at prep school age now.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/05/2017 15:07

Nope. Never.

bialystockandbloom · 02/05/2017 15:07

No I wouldn't. But some friends have dc who do, and they all seem to love it.

SecretNetter · 02/05/2017 15:07

Similar to the pp - if one of them, as a teenager, was offered a place at a school to support a particular specialised skill and distance made boarding the only option - and they really wanted to go - we'd consider it. As a run of the mill school experience, no.

Out of the people I know that boarded (3...so admittedly a small sample!) they all, whilst being very different in personality/jobs etc, have the same 'air' about them. Kind of a mix of being impressively independent with a real go-getter mentality whilst being somewhat 'detached' in relationships with close family/friends (and in 2/3 I'd already picked up on these traits without knowing schooling background, so no bias iyswim). Which puts me off massively.

BoccadiLupa · 02/05/2017 15:07

Absolutely no way.

GnatsChuff · 02/05/2017 15:08

Yes, I would. But only at secondary.
I boarded, by choice. As did my brothers. Me, from 11, them from 8. DH boarded for sixth form too.

DS wants to, but we can't afford it, so it's not happening.

UppityHumpty · 02/05/2017 15:08

Depends on the school, the age of the child and whether you'd make an effort to see them on the weekends. DH went to boarding school and loved it but he started boarding at 13.

beargrass · 02/05/2017 15:08

Nope. If boarding school had never been invented and someone came up with it tomorrow, you'd recoil in horror.

Original poster
VladmirsPoutine · 02/05/2017 15:08

My thinking was that the education they'd receive would be second to none therefore it makes sense. But I'd miss them so much. DP is basically a sole survivor - he's very much able just alone in the world and very educated and capable. If I'm being honest I'd want the same for my offspring too - to just know they'd be fine in the world regardless.
He has no emotional awareness or attachment to anything but me it seems (and that's doubtful at times), but he's very very capable and independent.

OP posts:
Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 02/05/2017 15:09

No way. Why even have kids if you're not going to see them? And obviously it depends on the child but mine would be beside himself if I suggested this.

JaxingJump · 02/05/2017 15:09

I loved boarding school. It's was such fun and brilliant memories as well as a good learning experience.

But I wouldn't send mine, like you, I'd miss them too much. If I had no good schools near me at all though I might consider it briefly. But that's not an issue where I live thankfully.

JaniceBattersby · 02/05/2017 15:09

Not a chance. Why would anyone take the risk of leaving their children at risk of permanent psychological distress? A great education isn't going to go very far if the child becomes an emotionally unstable adult.

I think it's bloody cruel actually, although I know there are people here who disagree.

UppityHumpty · 02/05/2017 15:09

Depends on the school, the age of the child and whether you'd make an effort to see them on the weekends. DH went to boarding school and loved it but he started boarding at 13.

Batgirlspants · 02/05/2017 15:10

No what's the point In having kids to send them away to be parented elsewhere. Fuck that

Meeep · 02/05/2017 15:10

No. Maybe for sixth form if they had a really specialised interest??

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