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Original poster

If opportunity presented itself would you send your DC to boarding school?

515 replies

VladmirsPoutine · 02/05/2017 14:55

My DP is public / boarding school educated. I'll be honest and admit I was shocked as fuck when I found this out. He's now something of a very high flier with views I don't necessarily share but we work it out nonetheless.

On the subject of our future dc he said he'd be happy for them to board. I don't agree with this largely because I think I'd miss them too much.

Do you think you'd send your dc to boarding school given the chance?
I'm not really able to say why I disagree with it other than I would like to see them every night and tuck them in, do homework, have dinner and so forth.

Dp looks at me like Hmm when I say this. He says of course I can have all that but I think he just wants them to have what he had and as he says he hasn't turned out too bad; he's right - he hasn't.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/05/2017 15:11

Nope, no way.

Justanothernameonthepage · 02/05/2017 15:11

Weekly boarding yes. But mainly as that would allow them to do their afterschool activities and I could get all the boring stuff done in the evenings, leaving the weekend for high quality family time. But would have to be a boarding school reasonably close and with great extra curricular activities. And only once they hit secondary

Desperad0 · 02/05/2017 15:12

I would (and have considered) weekly boarding. some days we leave at 7 am, get home at 7pm and that's before activities/homework etc. Weekly boarding means much less time traveling, fixed prep etc. As long as they're happy with the arrangement I don't see the issue.

ImperialBlether · 02/05/2017 15:15

I wish I'd had the chance to go. I was very unhappy at home.

I wouldn't have wanted my children to go, but there was the odd week when they were about 13 where I would've been glad of it!

JaxingJump · 02/05/2017 15:15

Janice, like everything it's down to the child's personality. Any decent parent would pull them out if it was severely affecting their mental health. In my boarding school there were kids with problems but it was usually from abuse at home or issues at home, not the boarding school.

Cantseethewoods · 02/05/2017 15:15

Weekly boarding is the norm now anyway. Very little full boarding.

onthettcbus · 02/05/2017 15:16

Why do you want your children to be like him with no emotional awareness or attachments to anything? Confused

LaurieMarlow · 02/05/2017 15:17

No. But I get that for a certain type of child it can be a great experience.

I'd miss my DS too much. I want a closer relationship with him than boarding school would allow.

PhyllisNights · 02/05/2017 15:17

From age 11? Absolutely. It's about their future and what's best for them, not my selfish need to have them around.

As long as they wanted to do it and remained happy there, I wouldn't have a problem.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/05/2017 15:18

No way. Even apart from the emotional issues, which worry me. The people I know who are my age and boarded in the posher schools all took a lot of drugs, the girls often had eating disorders... Too much peer contact and too little parental/adult isn't great.

They got a decent education and lots of contacts for work. But are often noticeably not as bright as people at the same level who went through the state education system. Because that great education gets all the children good exams, even ones who would not have got them anywhere else.

juneau · 02/05/2017 15:19

No, I wouldn't. Would a private day school be an option? That's the best of both worlds IMO.

GinAndOnIt · 02/05/2017 15:20

I would I think. OH is boarding school educated, but in a school local to home. He always had a bed there, but was technically a day student and was allowed home every evening. He boarded pretty much all the time out of choice - loved his school, and he hated being away from it when everyone else was there all evening/night/morning. It can work, I think. I'm not sure I'd do boarding far away from home.

DoItTooJulia · 02/05/2017 15:20

No-unless as Pp have said it was for a specific skill at a specific school where distance meant it was the only option and DC were desperate to do it (and they were secondary age).

But just for secondary school because I could afford it/it was expected/it was what previous generations did-no.

An0nymous · 02/05/2017 15:26

What age would you be thinking they would go OP - 7, 11, 13?

DH went at 7. He cried at night for his mum for the first week until another boy kicked him in the stomach and told him to shut up and the whole dorm laughed at him. He got very into sports as a distraction and ended up doing very well, but as an adult he can't show emotion at all.

It's not true that the education boarding schools offer is second to none. A lot of it is decidedly average. Compare the results to some of the London Day Schools, for instance - few boarding schools can compete. Boarding schools are also less selective because the market for them is smaller.

When the PILs started making noises about our 4 DC going, I told them in no uncertain terms that this would be over my dead body. DH supported me in this. Two are now at top London Day Schools with all the facilities of any boarding school (except for countryside and space obviously). They know they're very privileged, but I don't feel as if they're growing up in so much of a "bubble". They can negotiate London on public transport and seem more streetwise and "switched on" than friends who return after months on a cloistered school campus.

Do you have good day schools in your area?

Firenight · 02/05/2017 15:27

I think it would be hell for my introvert eldest who needs quiet time to decompress alone after a day at school. But for the right child, in the right circumstance, I wouldn't rule it out at secondary; it's been a real boon for my friend's teenager.

gillybeanz · 02/05/2017 15:29

Yes, but if you'd asked me when it wasn't a possibility I'd have said no and was against boarding at all costs.
Funny how you change principles when it's your own child and a perfect match for them.

So, yes I would and yes I did. Thanks

CheeseandGherkins · 02/05/2017 15:29

No, never. I think it benefits the child to be around their parent/parents. There is far more to education than just books and classrooms.

Roussette · 02/05/2017 15:30

No. I think it's barbaric to do it by choice.

If you are in the Forces or Military I suppose you have no choice and moving around is less preferable, at least there's stability.

But I would not want my DCs to have boarded and I know without doubt they wouldn't have wanted to.

The people I know who boarded ... in my age range... to be honest they're a bit detached. I know boarding has changed immensely in the last let's say 20 years, but one guy in particular who boarded from age 7, well ... he can't form relationships at all. (This is me being polite, it's worse than that)

IWantAnotherBaby · 02/05/2017 15:32

DS (13) is at an independent secondary boarding school. He, however, does not board (well he has on 3 nights in his 2 terms there so far at his request on nights when they had late evening events), as we live quite locally, and I want him to be a balanced person with immediate access to parental support and love.

We chose the school because it suited him best; We did look at several boarding schools as well, and could afford full boarding. He loves boarding (and at prep school boarded one night a week; again through choice, so he could attend specific evening activities).
The huge advantage a boarding school offers is in its wraparound pastoral care. Academic excellence is not exclusive to boarding schools, so unless you want them to go to a school where they will have to board (like one far from where you live), then you don't have to even consider it.

That said I was a boarder at a famous girls public school from age 12 and loved it. I still don't think it would be the right choice for any of my own children...

WyfOfBathe · 02/05/2017 15:32

I can't imagine sending DD to boarding school, but I would consider it at secondary if there was a particular reason (e.g. if she were a world class dancer and wanted to go to Royal Ballet School). Even then I would look at moving near to the school or weekly boarding before thinking about termly boarding.

You could send your DC to an academic private day school, if that's what you want.

IonaNE · 02/05/2017 15:33

Yes. "I'd miss them too much" is not a valid argument in my book. You don't have children for yourself, to have them at home, the way you'd decide to get a dog.

Kokusai · 02/05/2017 15:33

I think boarding school can work fantastically from 13+ especially with 'weekly board' set up (so home at the weekend) and if your children are big on taking part in things and love sport, drama, music etc.

NotHotDogMum · 02/05/2017 15:34

No

BeALert · 02/05/2017 15:34

I didn't send my child to boarding school.

But when she asked if she could go, I did a lot of work looking into it, then we jointly agreed that she could go.

She absolutely loves it.

I would much prefer to have her home, but I'm not selfish enough to stop her doing what she wants.

Original poster
VladmirsPoutine · 02/05/2017 15:34

Why do you want your children to be like him with no emotional awareness or attachments to anything?

I want the best for them. DP's lack of emotional awareness or attachment is somewhat of a red herring. He is on the other hand very bright, astute and successful which he credits entirely to boarding at his public school. He's so incredibly independent and solo that I've often wondered if he's with me just because it's the done thing to get a girlfriend then propose to her at some point. If I'm being honest I would want my children to be like him.

OP posts: