If opportunity presented itself would you send your DC to boarding school?

[VladmirsPoutine]

My DP is public / boarding school educated. I'll be honest and admit I was shocked as fuck when I found this out. He's now something of a very high flier with views I don't necessarily share but we work it out nonetheless.

On the subject of our future dc he said he'd be happy for them to board. I don't agree with this largely because I think I'd miss them too much.

Do you think you'd send your dc to boarding school given the chance?
I'm not really able to say why I disagree with it other than I would like to see them every night and tuck them in, do homework, have dinner and so forth.

Dp looks at me like when I say this. He says of course I can have all that but I think he just wants them to have what he had and as he says he hasn't turned out too bad; he's right - he hasn't.

If my children turn out to have an exceptional talent I will find other ways to nurture it than sending them away.

We'll talk to me when you ding that they do heat! Gosh you people are all so judgemental it makes me sick!

And narrow minded
If you are so lucky to have a gifted child you may think differently, maybe not - unfortunate for them that they don't have parents who love them enough to allow them to follow their dreams

It is interesting that the majority of people on this thread didn't actually go to boarding school themselves and atenonly looking at the situation from the perspective of the child.
I am an adult who went to a boarding school and as I have previously mentioned- I loved it for all the reasons stated: Loads of activities, spending time with your mates etc. My parents could see how much fun I was having so I was never take out of boarding. It's only now as an adult I can see the detrimental affect boarding has on a person: a strange family dynamic, overly independent nature from a young age, self resilient in a defensive form etc.
My school was a specialist school for highly gifted children in a certain area - it also took mainstream children, like me. I know that the vast majority of these children who were highly gifted now all do normal jobs and would never send their children away. I am not in any way making a judgement of the parents of borders as they all generally believe they are doing the best by their children but as I mentioned previously no education can replace a loving home life with the the normal argument / meal times / homework etc that really shape a child and make them secure in themselves.
As an ex boarder I really truly believe there are other options for children - tutors etc and those few hours in the evening with the family are truly priceless. Being kissed good night and good morning by your parents rather than a school bell is honestly worth so much more than people realise.

No!!! I'd miss her desperately and you'll never get that time back!

Working in a boarding school I've read this thread with interest. One thing I can assure you is that no child is sent on a whim. Parents really do agonise over the decision and make it as they truly believe that it is in their child's best interest. We take children from all warps of life children of families serving in the armed forces of working abroad in countries with poor education provision, families who frequently need to relocate, single parents working long hours, families with disabled or seriously unwell parents, children who's parents have died, children in the care of local authorities, children preparing for boarding in future schools, those with specialist talents or training in particular sports, children who live in locations that make a daily commute difficult. But you would be astounded by the number of children who are there purely because they've asked to be. We often see day children to convert to boarding because they see it as one big sleepover, they want the company f their friends and use of school facilities. I would say I deal with as many parents missing them children as children missing their parents.
So please don't judge. A good school will only keep boarders who are happy to be there, it's really not a case of being 'sent away to boarding school' anymore. And times have changed, parents are actively encouraged to have as much contact as possible, all boarding provisions are strictly regulated and inspected.

A child will also want to eat chicijdte for breakfast, lunch and tea - they don't always know what is best for themselves until older. No way a Young child has the competency to decide if boarding is good for them or not.

Chocolate sorry

atleastitsnotmonday has summed it up for me. I went to a new day school when I was 14 that had boarders there too. Within a term I was BEGGING to board. All my friends boarded, there was fabulous provisions, lovely modern accommodation, friendly house staff, delicious food...

It wasn't something that had ever been on my families radar but I ended up boarding aged 14-18 and it was the best years of my life. I adore my parents. I'm now 31 and they're two of my best friends. We have a super close relationship.

They made huge sacrifices to afford the fees for me to do it. I only hope I can afford it for my own children when they're teens if they want to go

I'd send mine in a heartbeat. But she's 22 and I don't think she'd go.

I am now 56. I had lunch with 2 boarding school friends today - was absolutely lovely. BUT we all agreed that we are damaged: the other 2 have had serious ongoing relationship problems, although they both preferred being away from their parents because the home situation was not good. My home situation was fine, my parents loved me and had all the 'right' reasons to send me boarding, and I didnt not enjoy it. It is just TODAY that I realised the damage caused to me: on paper I'm fine, DH and I been together almost 40 years, late teen/early adult DC thriving etc. One friend said "oh if I want to punish myself I just dont eat for several moths" and I realised that I dont punish myself by depriving myself, I go the other way - alcohol and smoking are my go to crutches.

flipping 'ell, months not moths!! moths would just be silly..

The main thing about boarding is that it is eye waveringly expensive these days.

If we had the money and my daughter was into her teens and really wanted to go, I guess we'd consider it. Ditto if circumstances forced our hand. If our lifestyle involved constant moving about, boarding after age 13 would be preferable to an endless success of schools. I would probably homeschool up to that point though.

Incidentally my mum also went to boarding school in the 50's and is still to this day, best friends with her 7 boarding school friends. They live all over the place but have reunions, go to family weddings, meet up as often as possible and call regularly. She also loved boarding school.

The main thing about boarding is that it is eye waveringly expensive these days.

Yes, for private schools, because you're paying for the tuition and costs of living, but there are state school who also offer boarding, so all you pay for is the cost of the food/accommodation, you don't pay for the tuition as it's state provider - makes it much cheaper and more affordable.