Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If opportunity presented itself would you send your DC to boarding school?

515 replies

VladmirsPoutine · 02/05/2017 14:55

My DP is public / boarding school educated. I'll be honest and admit I was shocked as fuck when I found this out. He's now something of a very high flier with views I don't necessarily share but we work it out nonetheless.

On the subject of our future dc he said he'd be happy for them to board. I don't agree with this largely because I think I'd miss them too much.

Do you think you'd send your dc to boarding school given the chance?
I'm not really able to say why I disagree with it other than I would like to see them every night and tuck them in, do homework, have dinner and so forth.

Dp looks at me like Hmm when I say this. He says of course I can have all that but I think he just wants them to have what he had and as he says he hasn't turned out too bad; he's right - he hasn't.

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 02/05/2017 16:47

God no, never. DH went to boarding school and would never entertain the idea of sending ours, and neither would I. We wanted them at home with us, as a family.

BarbarianMum · 02/05/2017 16:48

No, of course not!

scaryteacher · 02/05/2017 16:52

Dh went from 8, I went from 16, and ds went from 16 as well. Ds and I both went to a state sixth form that did boarding. I loved it so much that I sent him. He loved it too, found his tribe and was so much happier there than he ever was living at home and going to an International school.

At 16, it can start the process of loosening the apron strings, and be a springboard for going to university, which then doesn't come as such a shock, as you've had to do your own washing for a while!

SusannahL · 02/05/2017 16:58

I have got three friends who were boarded and they all hated it and vowed they would never send their children to one.

As for me when I was a child I loved the Mallory Towers books and so wished that I could be at a school like that! Pure fiction of course.
Dear old Enid Blyton!

Shopkinsdoll · 02/05/2017 17:01

Why the hell have children if your sending them away to school for months on end?

Sunnyshores · 02/05/2017 17:07

No, my children are at public school and I really they dont think they always provide a better education. Add to that with Boarding there is very little parental input and I just dont think thats right. Why bother having kids if youre not going to attempt to parent them.

TealStar · 02/05/2017 17:10

No bloody way. My dds need me more than ever at the ages of 12 & 13. Possibly sixth form, weekly boarding.

Andrewofgg · 02/05/2017 17:10

No unless my work and way of life meant that they got more security and stability that way - the Forces or the Diplomatic Service or some multi-national where they move you round the world.

TealStar · 02/05/2017 17:10

*but even then it probably wouldn't work as it's the weekends that the kids will want to see their mates!

ThePurpleOneWithTheNut · 02/05/2017 17:11

No for many of the reasons already mentioned. Dh went and didn't have a wonderful time. He is distant from his parents as an adult I think largely because of it and because his brother stayed home. I've never understood why one went and one stayed Sad

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 02/05/2017 17:12

Not a chance, plenty of excellent education without leaving them for weeks on end.

I think it's only suitable if the parents are ill and no relatives can help or it's very specialised and the only opportunity for the child.

witsender · 02/05/2017 17:16

Not for us. Unless it was a specific school for a particular passion and they were desperate to go, then I would consider it as a teen.

GnatsChuff · 02/05/2017 17:18

Why the hell have children if your sending them away to school for months on end?

Nothing like a good old fashioned bit of judginess Hmm

Very few 21st century boarding is months on end. Even full boarders go home pretty much every other weekend. Exception being if parents are overseas, which is one of the good reasons why some parents (e.g. military) choose for their children to board. Moving school every couple of years is hugely damaging to education and children's ability to form friendships as they get so used to having to abandon them. Military kids are among the most disadvantaged educationally, hence why at primary level, schools can go over class size limits and prioritise access for them.

WhooooAmI24601 · 02/05/2017 17:18

DH was a boarder at some posh place and loved it.

DS1 wouldn't thrive in that environment; he has ASD (albeit very high functioning so thrives in a mainstream school at the minute) so I wouldn't consider it for him. He struggles with anxiety at times and can take things very much to heart if anyone is unkind.

DS2 on the other hand, could easily be happy somewhere like that. He's popular, easy-going, academic, sporty, loves to learn and isn't overly attached to anyone; life is just a breeze for him. I imagine he would be the ideal child to send to somewhere like that because he would simply prance through it the way he prances through life presently. I wouldn't, because we don't need to. But yeah, he'd love it.

BeALert · 02/05/2017 17:38

My personal conclusion from seeing the effect on those friends as well as looking at my dcs, is that Y7 would be really too young. Y10ish might be a good choice (independent enough, wanting to pbecome independent etc...)

By year 10 I think you mean 14-ish? Yes, this is when DD decided to go to boarding school. Not only has she gained in independence, but she's also learnt a lot of executive functioning skills and social skills that she just wouldn't/couldn't learn at home.

She's now tidy, organised, meets deadlines, etc. It's amazing.

CruCru · 02/05/2017 17:47

This is an interesting thread. I can't imagine my children (aged 5 and 3) going to boarding school but I have a friend with a teenage daughter who was quite anti boarding but now says that if she could pay someone to police her daughter's mobile use and get her to do her chemistry homework during the week, that would be awesome. Plus, she leaves for work at 7ish and doesn't get back until 7:30 to 8 ish so only really sees her kids during the weekend.

I'd much prefer my children to go to London day schools but perhaps weekly boarding would not be awful (if it was the right place for them).

Yellowcups · 02/05/2017 18:00

No way. Private but not board as well.

Original poster
VladmirsPoutine · 02/05/2017 18:30

He went to Eton and in all honesty his closest friends are all from the same background. They all agree it'd be good for the dc. Not one of them have suffered any sort of fall out that they'd attribute to boarding. They actually seem more like family than their own families iyswim?

OP posts:
Topseyt · 02/05/2017 18:31

No. I wouldn't.

I didn't have children in order to send them away for weeks on end, however much they may have driven me nuts sometimes at home. I had them because I wanted them and wanted to have them around.

Looking at my three, DD1 could well have been suited to occasional boarding, but not full time. DD2, no way at all. DD3 has had some MH issues and is a very sensitive soul, so I don't think she would be totally suited to it either.

Financially, private schooling (and especially boarding) is not an option for us anyway, but even if it were, I would go for the day student option, with just occasional boarding when required for a specific reason.

PookieDo · 02/05/2017 18:31

DD1 never as she is very sensitive and clingy even at 15, she would feel rejected.
DD2 would LOVE it in many respects and is more confident

Depends on the child

brasty · 02/05/2017 18:34

No way. I can see the point of flexible boarding, as it is basically a way to provide childcare when needed. But I would be thinking no more than 1 night a week.

brasty · 02/05/2017 18:36

Although I do think it is useful for kids who come from monied families, who would otherwise be taken into care.

GreenGinger2 · 02/05/2017 18:37

Gnats hoards of military kids don't go to boarding school. I didn't. My mother was adamant that we wouldn't be going and my parents turned down some nice postings for 7 years to stay in one area during secondary.

shivermytimbers · 02/05/2017 18:40

No. I like my children Grin

grasspigeons · 02/05/2017 18:41

Possibly for older teenagers if they were keen. a stepping stone to them leaving home. I couldn't imagine it for a youngster. My sibling left home at 16 so it doesn't seem unreasonable to cut the apron strings a bit at that age.