Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gone behind my back to contest my 16 yr old daughter's Drama Scholarship

193 replies

LillaB · 02/05/2017 12:26

My DD and a friend of mine's daughter have been at the same school since they were 3 and are now entering VIth form. Both (and about 10 other pupils) applied for VIth form Drama Scholarships. My daughter was given one as was another girl and a 3rd from another school.

I have just found out from my daughter that the other girl and her mum (who is my friend and I am about to go on holiday with) has been into school to complain about the fact my daughter got the scholarship. Help

OP posts:
Katherine2626 · 03/05/2017 17:49

You have heard this second hand - why not see if she went to ask why her daughter hadn't got a scholarship? She is entitled to ask for feedback as others have said; please don't cut her off and ruin a friendship and a holiday before you know the full facts and what has really gone on.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 03/05/2017 17:53

Mrspavlichenko Grin. My son once said his teacher said his work was"pure crap". Turns out she'd actually said ,"littlesalt, that's not your best work ". YY to posters saying don't take at face value.

Lightningbolt82 · 03/05/2017 17:54

What a terrible situation. In my view you should 1) go direct to school and ask them about what has actually happened. 2) then speak to friend openly about your disappointment that she would do such a thing. 3) clear the air BEFORE you go on holiday. 4) when you get home from holiday, reassess whether this friend really is a friend with keeping.

That's what I would do anyway.

Kristinna · 03/05/2017 18:04

I would contact the mum and ask her if she's going appeal not getting the scholarship and see what response you get then. It shows you're supporting her by asking.

daydreambeliever21 · 03/05/2017 18:06

Don't say anything to her and don't listen to a bunch of kids trying to stir. She'll be upset that her daughter didn't get a scholarship, which is perfectly acceptable and will be appealing that her DD didn't get one, not that yours did. You said yourself that the other kids said she thinks her DD is as good as yours, not she thinks she is better. She's perfectly entitled to appeal. Seriously forget all about it.

corythatwas · 03/05/2017 18:08

Lightningbolt82 Wed 03-May-17 17:54:56
"What a terrible situation. In my view you should 1) go direct to school and ask them about what has actually happened. 2) then speak to friend openly about your disappointment that she would do such a thing. 3) clear the air BEFORE you go on holiday. 4) when you get home from holiday, reassess whether this friend really is a friend with keeping.
That's what I would do anyway."

You would do that on no other evidence than what a bunch of other teenagers thought might have been said at a meeting where they were not present?

Sparklyglitter · 03/05/2017 18:09

I most certainly wouldn't have done this and I don't know your circumstances and you most certainly don't need to justify yourself to me or anyone else.
I do however believe though that scholarships should be for pupils who would otherwise not be able to afford to attend a school unless receiving it. My old neighbour's son got a scholarship to a top school with a substantial amount off. They could afford to pay for two children at this school as regardless of the scholarship their intention was always to send both boys there. However another lad got a scholarship who's parents could not have afforded to send him otherwise. I think schools should be much stricter about this as I would like to see more children get this opportunity who's parents couldn't otherwise afford it.

SparklyFairyDust · 03/05/2017 18:10

I can see why you'd be annoyed that your daughter hasn't been chosen, but to go omg my DD is SO much better than 'x' is pretty bold.

The holiday should be interesting.

AddToBasket · 03/05/2017 18:13

Leave it, OP. Your daughter has the scholarship.

Don't stir the pot with the disappointed mum.

PeterHouseMD · 03/05/2017 18:16

I only know because friends of my daughter have said the other girl and her mum have been in to school to complain to the Head (who they are very good personal friends with to make matters worse)

Oh dear, the drama of it all.

Hugoji459 · 03/05/2017 18:17

Great friend you have

Blimey01 · 03/05/2017 18:22

Yabvu
I haven't read all the posts but I agree with some that suggest you have no idea what her reasoning is. Your friend is not saying that your DD doesn't deserve it but rather that she believes rightly or wrongly that hers does too. Of course she is going to stick up for her DD. As for giving scope to the class gossip over what was said....Hmm

Neglectedbythesun · 03/05/2017 18:23

Just drop it. Your daughter got the prize and sounds like she deserved it. You don't know what your friend said anyway. At worst she's acted like a knob in her disappointment. Doesn't change things for your did. Take the high road.

Bobbybobbins · 03/05/2017 18:24

Agree that you need to rise above all this. Your daughter has the scholarship and has done really well - focus on that.

iMogster · 03/05/2017 18:25

Don't go into school and speak to anyone about it. Don't start up a conversation with your friend about it. Leave it. It is easy for the imagination to run wild. It would be natural for your friend to feel upset her daughter didn't get in, while yours did. Don't stir it up and ruin a perfectly good relationship based on the gossip of school children!

Blimey01 · 03/05/2017 18:25

A good point was made earlier. Have you rang your friend to offer support and ask if she's going to appeal the decision?

pepperpot99 · 03/05/2017 18:30

Does your friend like hot dogs?

pepperpot99 · 03/05/2017 18:31
Wink
user1476641978 · 03/05/2017 18:34

OP - in the nicest possible way because it's come from teenagers I'd take it with a pinch of salt. Give your friend the benefit of the doubt in that she may have been there to find out why her DD wasn't able to get a scholarship and not taking a dig at yours because you will find out soon enough. If you are all going away together then you will be spending an intense amount of time together and if she really is that upset about then I'm sure she will say something and you can address it then.

MuddhaOfSuburbia · 03/05/2017 18:35

aww bollocks

because of all you YABVVVVVU merchants the OP won't be back, just read 6 pages and I'm never going to find out what happened

BellMcEnd · 03/05/2017 18:36

Grinpepperpot

MuddhaOfSuburbia · 03/05/2017 18:37

ps I went to a state VIth form college

it was as far from being posh as you could imagine

SunshineDeLaSoul · 03/05/2017 18:37

Ask her, just politely.

Touchmybum · 03/05/2017 18:49

To be blunt, you are a pretty crap 'friend' if you automatically believe teenage gossip that casts your friend in a poor light. Presumably this sort of alleged behaviour hasn't featured in your friendship thus far? Or has there always been an unspoken rivalry on behalf of the two girls?

Touchmybum · 03/05/2017 18:50

Also, I was in VIL and VIU in grammar school in the 1970s/80s.

Swipe left for the next trending thread