Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend gone behind my back to contest my 16 yr old daughter's Drama Scholarship

193 replies

LillaB · 02/05/2017 12:26

My DD and a friend of mine's daughter have been at the same school since they were 3 and are now entering VIth form. Both (and about 10 other pupils) applied for VIth form Drama Scholarships. My daughter was given one as was another girl and a 3rd from another school.

I have just found out from my daughter that the other girl and her mum (who is my friend and I am about to go on holiday with) has been into school to complain about the fact my daughter got the scholarship. Help

OP posts:
2014newme · 02/05/2017 14:01

@tabasco perhaps the mum is being pushy mom, the op won't know as she wasn't at the meeting. Therefore she us going to have to give the mum the benefit of the doubt, that she was querying her own dds scholarship eligibility. Whether she also commented on the op's dd, will likely never be known.
It's kids stirring!

Floggingmolly · 02/05/2017 14:02

Snobbery, Tabasco? Confused

Theycalledmethewildrose · 02/05/2017 14:09

It has nothing to do with private or public school and I don't think anybody said differently?

OP - If your daughter hadn't won the scholarship, then it might be you in your friend's position ie going to the school querying why. It doesn't mean she wants them to remove the scholarship rom your daughter and give to hers. She is most probably annoyed that her DD didn't get one ass she can't see the difference between the two girls. She would most likely have gone to the school regardless of any girl othere than her own winning the scholarship Being good friends with your DD probably makes it an even more bitter pill to swallow.

I wouldn't be annoyed she had gone to the school. I'd probably sympathise (without going into why or why not her DD didn't win) and cut any conversations short. If the Head is a good friend of hers, I feel quite sorry for the Head too as it potentially, depending on how she receives the feedback, puts him/her into a very awkward position.

Witchend · 02/05/2017 14:09

I do a lot with a local amdram company and I've had that exact "why was Sally chosen for the child lead she's awful" conversations from pushy mummies at least three times, and that's only unimportant amdram.

I have too. But I've also had lovely conversations with parents who genuinely want to know what made the other child stand out over their child so they can help their child prepare for auditions better, often saying that they can see the other child is good.
It sounds more likely that the latter is true in this case.

AngelicaSchuylerChurch · 02/05/2017 14:12

Oh, for goodness sake. How old are you? Stop listening to gossip from sixteen year olds and call your friend. Tell her that you're sorry that both girls weren't successful and that you hope it won't affect your friendship.

She hasn't gone behind your back. She's trying to help her daughter, as I'm sure you would in the same situation.

Artioo2 · 02/05/2017 14:12

"Once that's all over, send a strongly worded email or letter to the mother telling her what you really think of her." - don't do this, what awful advice. Even if it turns out she has done what you think she's done, don't do this.

By the sound of it you're basing everything on presumably third-hand information coming through your DD, who may have misunderstood, or been told something incorrect by this other girl or someone else. If you have to do anything, find out what the actual situation is first.

Jux · 02/05/2017 14:27

Taking it personally is silly. Do you expect her to seek you out and talk to you before she goes into the school to complain about the mark her dd got for an ENglish essay. No, you don't.

Why on earth do you expect her to tell you that she's going in? It's not about your dd, it's about hers, and she doesn't need your permission, she doesn't owe you an explanation or anything, it's between her and the school.

You can still be friends, you know.

PolynesianGirl · 02/05/2017 14:30

Well I would say that, at least, there is some resentment from your ur dd's friend side that she hasn't got scholarship but your dd has.

I would be very careful whether the mum has gone to see the HT or not. Or there there is a complain or not.
The fact that the HT is a good friend her hers probably means that things are quite tense between them too TBH!

YY about sending her a text saying that you are sorry her dd didn't get the scholarship too. And see what she says.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 02/05/2017 14:37

Well I would say that, at least, there is some resentment from your ur dd's friend side that she hasn't got scholarship but your dd has.

Why would you think that? What evidence do you have because the op hasn't posted any.

silkpyjamasallday · 02/05/2017 14:39

Does the scholarship come with a reduction in school fees or is it just an honour to be selected? I know parents when I was at sixth form complained to the school about the giving out of scholarships as they meant you got a hefty reduction of fees and some parents felt it was unfair that the wealthier pupils were being given the discount and scholarship over the pupils whose parents struggled to pay the fees. If this is the case and your friend needs the discount then I can understand her going in, it isn't right and she should just accept the schools decision but perhaps the money would make a big difference to her.

MsPavlichenko · 02/05/2017 14:44

My DD is in her 2nd year at Uni. Amore sensible, level headed girl it would be hard to find.

But.... the crap she came home from school with, teachers pushing each other down stairs, Head teacher putting up notices apologising for her rotten teaching staff etc etc. My DD was always adamant that it was true. Sources were always friends, or friends of friends... Utter rubbish almost all of it. How on earth would students know what teachers/parents are discussing? Ignore this.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 02/05/2017 14:56

Reading between the lines (and possibly getting it totally wrong) - I would say that your friend had assumed that her other "close personal friend" the Headteacher, would automatically give her DD one of the prized scholarships.

Her complaint will be more that her DD wasn't given what her parents had wrongly assumed was hers - rather than the fact that your DD was the one to be given it IYSWIM.

Surely if she's going to argue that any of the three chosen aren't worthy, it would be the external applicant? Ideally, I'm sure she wanted both of your DD's to be successful.

Atenco · 02/05/2017 15:08

What kind of friend are you to believe rumours about this person?

innagazing · 02/05/2017 15:11

Fwiw, it's not at all unusual for private school parents to go and speak to the HT about the possibility of a scholarship in some subject or another before, the child goes into sixth form. The scholarship can range between a 10% discount on fees to a fully funded place, depending on the school etc. It's all part of the parent weighing up whether the child leaves to go to a state funded sixth form, or stays on at the private school with continued fees. It obviously helps to know whether their will be a reduction in the full fees and how much.
I don't think that the OP here needs to be at all concerned as it's not her business at all, nor should it affect her friendship or holiday with the other parent.

Hissy · 02/05/2017 15:28

I've seen some school mums in action... if they think cultivating a relationship with the head means their precious snowflake gets a leg up, they'll do the maximum they can and think VERY long term about it if need be.

I'd agree that her qualms may be more that her bezzie mate hasn't handed her dd the scolarship than your dd getting it.

Has she said anything at all to you? Been offish or anything?

SapphireStrange · 02/05/2017 15:42

It just sounds like gossip at the moment. As others have said, why would you take the word of the schoolkids as gospel? (or their parents, for that matter).

Go on the holiday. But if your friend says anything untoward about it then, and it becomes clear that she DOES resent your DD getting the scholarship, the gloves can come off Wink

MakeItStopNeville · 02/05/2017 15:49

I haven't got any advice. I just wanted to slightly derail the thread again as I'm completely confused what's wrong with using VI Form?! Grin

squeaver · 02/05/2017 15:59

Two choices: be horrified and outraged, or amused and aloof.

EleanorRigbysNeice · 02/05/2017 16:00

Ignore it. Ignore her, forever. This is sour grapes of the worst variety. Good luck to your daughter and you should rightly be proud 😊

Hissy · 02/05/2017 16:03

All hinges on this upcoming mums away weekend.

Hope there's wifi... we could have a live PushyParentPutdown thread!!

2014newme · 02/05/2017 16:04

@Eleanor you would ignore someone forever based on the fact they had a meeting with HT about their own dds scholarship? 😂

SoupDragon · 02/05/2017 16:05

This is sour grapes of the worst variety.

No, what it is is gossip.

NellieFiveBellies · 02/05/2017 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LedaP · 02/05/2017 16:38

So your aibu is based on teenage gossip?

Yabu

Lweji · 02/05/2017 16:46

I only know because friends of my daughter have said

What do they know and from whom?