AIBU - church flowers

[Claire1200]

My best friend is getting married in September in a parish (feel like this might be relevant to the story) church. A lady (who is apparently the church busy body) approached her after the service on Sunday and asked her if she has organised her own florist or if the church are doing her flowers. She told her that she has organised her own florist. My friend said to this lady that she was going to use the same flowers at the reception venue too and was going to transport them there after the service. The lady went on to say that the church can choose to keep her flowers there, as if to say she hasn't got a choice in the matter. Is this a thing or is this lady just being unreasonable? Can the church actually say she can't take her flowers with her? This was the first she had heard of this and was really upset as she hadn't budgeted for two lots of flowers. Any help/advice appreciated.

I never realised before that you are meant to have flowers at the reception venue.

We didn't, is that a big social faux pas?

Daisies123 the Church of England had an income of £1.41 billion in 2013 and had an investment portfolio over £5.2 billion. That is NOT poverty by any stretch of the imagination!

Where are all these billions, TPA?

JaneEyre70

That figures relates to the church commissioners for England. The CCoE are responsible for generating revenue to fund clergy salaries, pensions, upkeep of the seehouses and Bishops and the maintenance of Cathedrals.

The local diocesan trust and board of finance will manage the parish glebes and associated costs- these fund local salaries and local church repairs.

The individual church's raise money to cover their individual costs including flowers. Usually the volunteers supply flowers from their own gardens at their own cost.

I am a land agent and asset manager for both the Church Commissioners and the Glebe agricultural portfolios - those revenues do not go to your parish church.

Jayneeyre the national church has that income, which it uses to pay all the vicars, maintain all the vicarages, pay the pensions of all the old vicars and spouses. It also has to maintain clerical staff, HR staff, building advisors so heritage buildings are protected, child protection advisors so all churches have training and support in keeping children safe.

Think about it, it makes nothing and sells nothing. It owns massive liability buildings which have to be kept safe for public access. The assets it owns generate that income which is spent on actually running the church.

Your local church maintenance is paid for by the people who stick their bums on the seats on a Sunday. The wages and housing of the vicar are paid by the central church.

Much better answer, frilly! Thank you! Honestly, the number of times I've heard people bang on about how rich the church is, from people who have no actual knowledge of how churches work.

We turn the heating down, spend out weekends in ladders cleaning guttering, just to save some pennies.

@claire1200 what did your friend decide?

I believe that the reason the flowers are normally left, is because it is often impractical for the people who do the regular church flowers to arrange them after a Saturday wedding service. When I got married, the church gave me the option of buying the flowers and having the church ladies arrange them. I did this as I got married in a modern church and they were used to arranging flowers so that they were not lost against the sombre back ground of a 1970's church interior.

Wot Frilly said!
Plus, the wedding fee which some on here are complaining about is about £450- this is a legal fee set nationally and isn't kept by the individual church. It goes into the big pot and helps fund all the stuff churches do- bereavement support, funerals, food banks, lunch clubs for
the elderly, those toddler groups where you only have to give a £1 donation etc etc.

It is less than the registry office charges in my area for a registrar to go out to a wedding in a stately home. You may be asked to pay extra for bell ringers (which are 6-8 people volunteering their time for very little as the bells need to be maintained), choir (again, who receive a pittance as they're volunteers), organist (often a professional- they have fees set by the RSCM, and again, they're giving up their Sat afternoon or taking time off their day job to do it). Many of those volunteers actually donate the pittance they get for it back to the church. You will often get a course of marriage prep included in that too, which is well worth doing. It has helped us thru several rocky patches over the years which we just wouldn't have talked about in advance otherwise.

Honestly, a church wedding is a bargain because you get so much for so little. Plus, you get a 'sense of occasion and choreography' which my atheist husband commented on after our wedding which was entirely lacking in the civil wedding ceremonies we've attended.

My mum is a church florist and also an independent and has done many weddings in churches other than her own church. It's customery to leave the flowers on the main alter and the pedestal (if they belong to the church) also one or two of the window displays. If she has floral displays on the end of the pews these are normally removed and used as table displays at the reception (or they have been at every wedding that my mum has done). Personally I would speak to the vicar and get the proper rules rather than what this lady thinks should happen, the church have not paid for these flowers so should actually have no claim on them but as I said it's customery to leave some as a thank you.

I am on the flower rota at our church. We do a pedestal arrangement on the Friday or Saturday for the Sunday service. If there was a wedding on a Saturday afternoon it would be a pain to then have to go in afterwards and make up another pedestal. However where is the pedestal going? We converted pew ends to centre pieces and took them to the reception. But left window displays and certainly the pedestal.

As for those who said the church can afford it! Well all the ladies on our rota donate our flowers. Often in memory of something or someone. I do (and pay for) the flowers for our wedding anniversary and my deceased MILs birthday. Everyone mucks in and donates and arranges for Easter, Christmas and harvest. I would think if you are getting married in a church you would donate the pedestal to the church for use on Sunday. Alternatively ask the church flower team to arrange for you. We do it at cost and don't charge labour! It'll be cheaper overall and we aren't busy bodies just making sure the church isn't flower less on Sunday!

picklemepopcorn

As one entity - the Church are incredibly rich - the Commissioners' are one of the largest landowners in the country without taking account of each county Diocesan board's glebe and personages portfolio. Their land holding and rent rolls for agricultural and commercial interests is on the internet for all to see - it's not an insignificant amount!

However - very few people understand that the revenues generated by the above portfolios do not get handed down to small parish churches to spend on heating and damp problems. If they did - it would halt a lot of bad feeling towards the local churches.

If I was bad tempered I would grumble about how the people who go to church, who work hard on a voluntary basis and keep the church open all year, are reasonably happy with how things are done. It seems to be the people who want it to be there so they can swan in twice in a lifetime that don't like the system.

But I'm usually too polite to say it...

I know what you mean frilly. But again, that income is what keeps the whole ticking over. If the money was all spent on charitable things, we'd end up with no vicars and collapsing buildings.

I wish the commissioners did send a bit out to the parishes though! Especially as the wage bill is low these days!

Also, churches would often gladly pay the legal fees of a couple wanting to get married if they were genuinely on a low income. At one of my previous churches we did that for a couple on benefits who wanted to get married. Obviously they'd assume that if you can afford to pay for a reception you can afford to pay a few £100 for the church legal fee.

It's a tiny sum compared to what many people seem to spend on the whole wedding.

Just to add, not sure if all churches do this, but we have an additional army of ladies who go in first thing on a Monday morning and take down all the floral arrangements, and flowers that are still "good" are made up in to bouquets which are then delivered to those deemed 'in need' of the parish - elderly people on their own, those struggling with long term illnesses, those in hospitals or care homes, those who the church are aware are having a hard time etc. With many of the older people and those in hospital/homes, it's an excuse to send someone round to visit and give them some company, see if they need anything else.

Your friends flowers may well end up being so much more than just decoration on her big day.

I do think people who never normally attend church should be particularly respectful of the local church's usual practice - or else get married in a secular venue! But that's by the by. When I got married we agreed to have the church ladies do our flowers. and (without realising at the time) picked the week after the Harvest festival, so we benefited from the fact that all the lovely flowers from the week before were still looking amazing! Our colours were white and gold so it all matched, and all we had to pay for was £70 for a beautiful archway of flowers around the church door. (We had a friend do table flowers for the meal afterwards - and as a PP said, they were totally different arrangements. Not sure how transporting vast arrangements or pew flowers to an hotel would really work...?)

Oh dear, sounds like it is 'love thy neighbour' only if they leave the flowers.
Otherwise it seems to be completely reasonable to judge people and call them names.

And people wonder why the number of people who attend Church is falling.

This triggered a nerve with local church busy bodies here lol.

Normally they're left in church.

I never knew this was a thing (although I've not been to loads of church weddings). I assumed you'd take any flowers you could be bothered to transport to the reception?

Update to the situation: My friend asked one of the flower ladies at the church who said that she would be welcome to take the flowers to the reception venue afterwards. Apparently there is no Sunday service there the next day. She said that lots of brides take the flowers to the reception venue as it is next door to the church. Sounds like everyone's church is different.

A happy ending, and reasonable church flower ladies.

Hope the bride has a wonderful day.