AIBU - church flowers

[Claire1200]

My best friend is getting married in September in a parish (feel like this might be relevant to the story) church. A lady (who is apparently the church busy body) approached her after the service on Sunday and asked her if she has organised her own florist or if the church are doing her flowers. She told her that she has organised her own florist. My friend said to this lady that she was going to use the same flowers at the reception venue too and was going to transport them there after the service. The lady went on to say that the church can choose to keep her flowers there, as if to say she hasn't got a choice in the matter. Is this a thing or is this lady just being unreasonable? Can the church actually say she can't take her flowers with her? This was the first she had heard of this and was really upset as she hadn't budgeted for two lots of flowers. Any help/advice appreciated.

OMG! You buy the flowers,why on earth would you leave them in the church if you want them in your reception? It's like my daughter's wedding venue telling her she can't move the flowers from the room she's marrying in to the reception room after!!
Better to get the congregation to leave donations in the box surely?
Incidentally as I'm not a Christian (I'm a spiritualist) I'm not au fait with church rules so maybe this is what they expect?

I took my flowers from the church to use at my reception and used them for the top table. But after they went to my grandparents grave so they were part of my day (my grandfather only pasted away a few months before my wedding so was nice to do something so they were part of my day). Was never even asked of me to leave them (as the cost of wedding flowers is different and alot more expensive then normal church flowers I think it's unreasonable for a church to expect people to leave behind) - to keep the peace you might just want to get a couple of supermarket bunches of flowers for the church to have as a goodwill gesture which is what I did. But at the end of the day they can't force you to leave them as they are yours.

I'm a CofE minister...some people decide to leave flowers, others take them to use at a reception like your friend. The church cannot, and I find it hard to believe that a church would, insist she leave them...sounds like this lady is a church busybody (every church has at one awkward person...usually 4-5 tbh!!). Tell her to phone/email the vicar and get clarification...I can almost guarantee this will not be true!! Oh I despair sometimes...

It didn't occur to me that I wouldn't be leaving my flowers in the church, I thought it was a widely recognised tradition to leave them.

I imagine that the "busybody" simply wanted to know whether the flowers were being left or if her ladies had to step in and do last minute flowers in time for the Sunday service.

Our floral team spend several hours a week on their ministry and want to do their absolute best. It helps them to know where they stand when there's a wedding.

I don't think my vicar would give any attention to a complaint about flowers. He would probably direct the bride to the church clerk (who organises weddings) or the PA team. It wouldn't even be something for the wardens.

Was the lady speaking on behalf of the church or just taking it upon herself to interfere?

Flowers are usually done for specific areas - like pews, tables, special stands within the church etc...Wouldn't have thought it's very easy to move the flowers....

My local church charged me £500 for our 35 minute ceremony and we paid £500 for our flowers! I certainly wasn't paying another couple of hundred quid for more flowers for the reception! We mov d them to the reception and they arranged them there. The church doesn't marry you as a favour they charge no way do they get to keep your flowers too as payment!

Oh gosh, skinflint here. Wedding before me left their flowers in church which dressed the aisles. I hadn't even thought of doing it. It looked very pretty! But it was a long time ago and I organised the day solo whilst pregnant and working - in six weeks. Amazing any of it worked. So thank you to the earlier couple!

They are your flowers, you are paying for them, you are absolutely within your right to take them from church to 2nd venue.
Yes people do sometimes leave them at the church which church then use instead of 'normal' Sunday flowers but it's a choice!
Why spend double on flowers for 2 venues when you can easily have them transported! Weddings are bloomin expensive as it is without unnecessary added expense!

Volunteer church flower arranger here - there are about a dozen of us on a rota, and we often give up our Friday afternoons & evenings to decorate the church for weddings, and we love to do it. What happens at ours is that either we suggest that the bride gives us a colour scheme and some money in advance so we can source the flowers, or that a florist delivers the flowers to us and then we do all the arranging. We will also provide oasis and loads of greenery to include in the arrangements - that way the flowers can go a very long way (!) and you don't need to spend anything like as much money.

Quite often, the bride will organise for a florist to do pew ends, or displays outside, and they will usually be taken away by the bridal party for the reception. Otherwise the flowers are left behind in the church.

Most of us have been doing flower arranging and church flowers for decades, and yes, we do know what we are doing. We also know what works in the church and what doesn't, and the quantities needed.

To give you an idea - we could do a massive pedestal display with less than 20 quids-worth of flowers. A florist would probably charge hundreds for one the same size.

September wedding eh? You might find that the wedding day is right in the middle of the Harvest Festival period, when the church will be bedecked all over, not only with flowers but with all sorts of veg/produce etc as well. That might cause some confusion if ready-done flowers are delivered and then have to be shoe-horned in around the existing displays.

If the church is decorated with flowers for the wedding and then stripped bare again afterwards, it would be a real shame, as one of the loveliest things about going to church on a Sunday morning is being able to see all the flowers from the wedding the day before.

It isn't just a 'venue' for the wedding, it is a church (as others have pointed out) and I don't actually understand why anyone would want to take all the flowers away with them. Some yes, but not the whole lot...

I'm a bit at the outrage about a church having the temerity to charge a token fee actual cash monies for a service which requires staff, heating, buildings maintenance, cleaning, etc. If you want to get married for nothing, pick your own free forest clearing and hire a humanist celebrant who can... oh wait, no. They charge for their time.

We gave the flower ladies at the church an extra £150 for my sister's wedding and they made the most gorgeous arrangements for the entrance, the altar, and little posies on every other pew. Way cheaper than a florist would have charged and perfect for the space. I would say church flower ladies are one of the few 'suppliers' who cut brides an excellent deal instead of doubling their prices at the word 'wedding'...

Take some for your top table and leave the rest in the church.

I am getting married later this month and leaving the flowers. Yes we have paid for the Church but only a fairly modest amount, and the people in the Church have been so lovely and welcoming (it's not our local one) that it just seemed a nice gesture.

To be honest I am not sure what i would do with pew ends in our reception venue anyway...

I've never actually heard of this custom , but now that I've read some of the comments I think it's actually quite a nice idea!
Leave the flowers for the congregation to admire the next day . It's sweet!
And I agree also about the Faffing part . Who wants the arse ache of carting flowers from venue to venue? They could get damaged in the process and what would guests have to wait while the reception was all flowered up ??
Maybe you could suggest your friend puts the bare minimum of her arrangements into the church to begin with and leave them there , whilst the rest are already taken to the reception

We left our church flowers - it was a September wedding and harvest festival the next day. The ladies worked so hard on a beautiful display it would have been sabotage to remove them and not let everyone else enjoy them!!

Usually flowers from Saturday weddings are left to decorate the church on Sunday. I had ivy around pillars so Sunday morning came as a shock to some! Otherwise the flower arranging team will have to go in after the wedding to do flowers. I've never heard of anyone using the same flowers. Why bother with flowers at the meal venue if money is an issue? It sounds like a faff and will look mean to the church.

Sounds like a lot of you got married in churches!
I think the church as a whole has absolutely shed loads of money. I have just watched one down the road be renovated amazingly while the local school falls down.
Take the flowers if you want them. You paid for them and you are presumably giving money to the church to get married there. Who cares what is customary.

OP surely your friend or the groom will have noticed flowers left over from weddings when they go to services, it can't have been that much of a surprise. Unless they don't go to services and are just using the church for the pretty pictures...

When I got married you were allowed to take pew ends but anything in the sanctuary had to be left there.

I didn't take any flowers as it didn't feel right to me but that's personal choice.

Clarify with the vicar.

Goldiloz, that's not really true about the church having lots of money. Some do, most don't. Mine relies on twenty or so regular churchgoers to pay for absolutely everything. Heating, maintenance, grass mowing...everything except the vicar's salary. We did some renovations a while back using funds raised from applying for grants- old pit village, historical societies, etc. The grant was for heating and to replace pews with comfy moveable chairs so the community work was easier.

We keep the building standing up so it can be used for funerals and weddings for the rest of the community!

I'm literally rolling around laughing, having suddenly considered myself to be a "flower lady". I must be old! I help out with the flowers at our church - it's actually quite a few hours of hard work - but gives so much pleasure that it really does lift the spirits.
For big events, like our summer festival, we get a team together. It's a really nice job. I'd go on the Rota, but I'm a bit challenged doing the flowers on my own with toddler in tow!
If I were your friend, I'd have a chat with the flower Rota co-ordinator and see if a donation towards the flowers would be welcomed. Then it'd save on the initial outlay; allow for the church flowers to stay put (avoiding faff); and give more budget left over for 'venue' displays.
For my child's christening (last year), I volunteered to do the flowers that weekend, and bumped up the amounts by adding in more flowers. It all stayed in the church afterwards. £30 'extra' but made the church look extra beautiful for a few weeks (flowers last well in our church because it's fairly cool and dark).

We had a church wedding (I'm Christian). Everything is done by volunteers who do loads for the community and it costs a huge amount to keep the buildings open - wedding fees really don't go anywhere near covering it (think what it would cost to get married in an historic building elsewhere!). It didn't occur to me to want to take the flowers- it's always lovely seeing the wedding flowers in church on a Sunday morning.

The flowers were a bargain- £150 and because the flower arrangers are volunteers they can spend the full amount on the actual flowers. They checked with me in advance about matching the colour scheme. Far better value than a florist.

Also, you really won't want to be faffing around moving flowers on your wedding day and what are the guests going to do whilst the flower removals take place?

And I can't believe that people think churches are wealthy. All the ones I've ever worshipped in (ten since I was 18 as I've moved a lot) have struggled to keep the books balanced and get no govt assistance in this country. It honestly usually is small congregations, of mostly elderly people, trying to fundraise as much as possible. Any repair work or maintenance is expensive as the buildings are often listed. Applying for grants etc to try and pay for this takes up huge amounts of time by volunteers. Most churches also may not have any paid member of staff (many vicars are volunteers or are paid but responsible for several churches. Vicars who are paid get a set amount that is less than the average wage).

Any building work you see has been paid for by hours of fundraising - one church I help out in took 25 years to complete their building project which involved getting toilets installed in the building.

I've been to over 30 church weddings in the last few years and only once have seen the flowers removed and taken to the venue by the most tight fisted couple I know who are absolutely made for each other.
I was surprised at their audacity.