AIBU - church flowers

[Claire1200]

My best friend is getting married in September in a parish (feel like this might be relevant to the story) church. A lady (who is apparently the church busy body) approached her after the service on Sunday and asked her if she has organised her own florist or if the church are doing her flowers. She told her that she has organised her own florist. My friend said to this lady that she was going to use the same flowers at the reception venue too and was going to transport them there after the service. The lady went on to say that the church can choose to keep her flowers there, as if to say she hasn't got a choice in the matter. Is this a thing or is this lady just being unreasonable? Can the church actually say she can't take her flowers with her? This was the first she had heard of this and was really upset as she hadn't budgeted for two lots of flowers. Any help/advice appreciated.

Given that the Church is meant to be a kind, understanding, generous and tolerant institution, I don't see why you would have any issues taking your flowers to the reception venue. I have seen ushers take the wedding arrangements from Churches before. It would not be in the spirit of the teachings of the Church to judge someone over a few flowers, would it? Unless I have a fundamental misunderstanding of the rudiments of many faiths. If the Church staff and associated congregation get upset with the OP over some flowers, it says something about their understanding of the teachings of their faith.

CofE and the ladies who do the flower arranging asked us our colours and did lovely flowers for us in our colours which stayed afterwards but we were regular church goers so they knew our family for many years

There were always lovely flowers in church on the Sunday after a wedding, so I am guessing the wedding flowers always stayed,

It would be very messy to move them with wet oasis and water and pollen on wedding outfits, Lilly pollen would ruin an outfit very easily if you hadn't taken the stamen out,

Perhaps it is different if the B&G aren't known in the church iyswim

I guess one solution would be to have silk flowers in the church then no water, stains from pollen or wet oasis to contend with

How far away are church and reception? How was she going to get them moved, in cars? Were the guests doing it? What kind of flowers is she having? Could they be silk, if she wants to move them?

Before my wedding the vicar gave us an information booklet about marrying in church which said that there are normally flowers in the church , except in Lent, but if you choose to do your own they must be left in the church after the ceremony.

I mean different in that misunderstanding between helpers/busybodies and Brides in that one doesn't know what the other one is saying etc

I think silk is the simplest if you do want to move them, then you can donate to hospital or hospice afterwards so more people can enjoy them

The only way your friend is going to find out what is expected about wedding flowers in this particular church is for her to ask the minister or priest.

I'm a minister, and while it would be lovely for wedding flowers to be left in the church for others to enjoy, I would be just as happy for them to be taken to the reception. It does seem though, that different churches have different approaches.

One of my close relatives has been a Church warden for donkeys years. I think its probably best for her to speak to the vicar about it. I think it might cause a problem logistically if she hasn't discussed it with him/her. The Church volunteers will be expecting to wave the wedding party off, lock up and come back on Sunday. If the bride is actually expecting them to hang back and wait for a florist to remove all the flowers and then they subsequently have to do their own flowers that evening it would give them a bit of a headache. It really would be polite of her to discuss this with them as it will mean unexpected hanging around. They really should be told in advance if that's the case. I would be astounded if they told her she couldn't take them. But I do think the Church would be cross if she hadn't let them know she was going to do this and so kept the wardens hanging around unexpectedly.

When we got married, we had a church blessing. The rector was happy for us to have it on our chosen day, but in the afternoon as there was another wedding in the morning.

The mother of the other bride had different ideas though. When she found out that we were having a service on the same day she threw a massive hissy fit, and had a really nasty go at the poor rector, ostensibly about the flowers. Her daughter, who was strangely silent through all this Motherofthebridezilla nonsense, was having yellow and brown (each to their own!) flowers. We couldn't use them, she said, and it was unfair that her daughter's big day was being ruined.

The rector, somewhat unprofessionally but amusingly, dubbed her "Mrs Battleaxe" and refused to back down.

In the end, I spoke to her on the phone. She was a charmer: her daughter's wedding was more important than ours because ours was just a blessing; she didn't want their flowers ruined by me introducing my own colours; her family had lived in the village for years (sounded inbred to me) and we were beastly yuppie incomers; we were older than her daughter and too posh; and the rector was on our side (he'd come up with the doomed idea of agreeing a colour scheme). I had to put the phone down on her, Battleaxe didn't cover it.

In the end, they were so exercised by all of this that they removed their brown and yellow flowers after the wedding, meaning we put ours in (I was going to compromise but they beat me to it) and the congregation would have been able to enjoy our flowers which of course we left.

Realise all of this is a bit outing although it was a long time ago, so Mrs Battleaxe's daughter, I'm sure you're lovely - and I hope your mum has calmed down.

This thread demonstrates the worst of both sides.

The church is presumptuous in its tradition, but like many others, the bride is using the church when it suits her. They deserve each other.

What day of the week is the wedding? If it's on a Saturday I think it's really poor behaviour to plan to strip the church of flowers after the ceremony. The church flower volunteers will normally come in on a Friday to do the arrangements in a week there isn't a wedding, and if your friend follows her plan they will either have a bare church on Sunday or the volunteers will have to come in on Saturday evening when they may have other commitments.

Rather than fighting the church she should work with the florist to plan a set of arrangements that will suit both church (including Sunday) and reception. Perhaps enough small arrangements on pew ends that half can be taken (say from alternate rows) and half left behind, with 2 large displays and a medium display where she takes the 2 largest to the reception but the medium one is significant enough to be the main display for the church when left behind.

What?! By all means speak to the church if you have flowers you WON'T be taking, but wedding florists are eye-wateringly expensive. And it's your day - keep the damn flowers!

I had two big stand type arrangements as well as floral arrangements on each pew.

The florist transported the pew ends to the reception where they became table centres. After the reception we gave the table centres to various guests as gifts.

The two stands remained as a gift to the church.

The floral committee broke down the flowers into bouquets after the final service and they were distributed to people in the congregation and wider community who were ill, grieving or elderly. I thought it was lovely that our flowers continued to be enjoyed by so many people after our wedding.

By the way, IME church floral committees work very hard to decorate the sanctuary and to distribute the flowers.

These people give their time and talents for the benefit of all and it's pretty small minded to belittle them.

Florist here. It's absolutely ok to move the flowers but do check with the church as some don't care one way or the other and some are very rigid about having flowers in the church at all times. Some churches INSIST that only their ladies do the flowers ( and are mostly shit at it from a professional point of view ).
Unless your guests can transport then, bear in mind you will also be paying your florist and driver to hang around through the service in order to take them to the reception. If that's not quoted as a separate cost then it will have been factored in elsewhere.
Overall, the done thing is to leave any big displays, otherwise it's a bit of an eye roll from the church.

unusual to have more than one wedding a day, not really what most couples or ministers want. If there is more than one wedding, then there has to be sufficient time left between them to rearrange the church and move the flowers

I went to one wedding where the previous wedding were just leaving as I arrived. As we were leaving another wedding party was arriving.

Seemed a bit like a conveyor belt.

My daughter got married last year. We took our main arrangement at the alter, from church to reception venue. The rest we left - pew ends, vases on windowsills etc. Most people seem to do this. The church charges quite a lot for the wedding, extra for candles, bells music etc. I think that's sufficient.

'Busybody' may well have been a parish secretary or the parish wedding co-ordinator. I have both in my (RC) parish.

When I got married I was one of three weddings in the church that day. The last bride had a cousin who was a florist, and the overall cost of flowers was far below what it would normally have been. Better still, us brides shared the cost and the church was festooned - flowers all over the altar and side altars, and each pew all the way to the back of the church had a large bouquet attached at both ends. It was spectacular and it cost me £20 way back in 1988. I was the earliest wedding so there was no way I could have taken the flowers with me. I suspect the flowers were all left there as the florist would probably have done the last bride's reception too.

I learned from a friend who sang in a choir in that church and practiced on Saturday evenings that sometimes prospective brides and grooms would scout the church on Sundays or late Saturday afternoon at the Sunday vigil Mass when it was relatively easy to buttonhole one of the priests, and leaving the flowers in situ would often lead to inquiries about the florist.

Even in my own current parish where they do not go in for flowers much at all (church has some potted plants and really only does flowers for major feasts) after there has been even a single wedding on a Saturday, flowers are always left in the church, or at the very least, those arrangements around the altar and side altars are always left.

We had a florist to do the bouquet, reception flowers etc. But we asked the woman who normally does the church flowers if she would do the church flowers for our wedding.

Obviously we agreed that they would be left for the Sunday service. BUT the cost was very reasonable. Think it was about £35 pounds, no missing 0's but this was 19 years ago.

This also has the advantage that the people doing the flowers knows what works in that particular church, where big displays can be placed without being a hindrance etc.

I said which colours we were using, but gave them free rein apart from that.

Ok having seen a pp poster comment about the quality of the church flowers. Maybe she should go to some Sunday services and check what the flowers are like. If no banns are read, she can wait for weeks before going again!

We had two large arrangements at either side of the altar which our florist did. They came with us to the reception. Then we asked the church ladies to do the rest of the church for which we gave a generous donation and they stayed in the church.

We gave the church a £120 donation, which was seen to cover the cost of flowers for the week. In return they asked our colour scheme and fitted the colours in with that. They even added in a little touch in the altar arrangement, which I had mentioned in passing I intended to have in my bouquet in memory of my brother. Our florist then sorted the bouquets, buttonholes and reception flowers (all kept to a minimum)
The church - where we were absolutely part of the community - was happy, we were happy.

I think it's meant to be customary to leave them as a thankyou.

We didn't have flowers at the church when me and Ex got married. I cant remember why exactly as it seems a lifetime away now but I do know it was something to do with it being the time of Advent. (C of E).

If you've ever tried to arrange a big event before, even with several helpers on hand you will know what a total ball ache moving the flowers would be. The tables and décor at the venue will be set up well in advance, not cobbled together with second hand flowers quickly while the photos are done. What if they were to get damaged in transit?

I think (she)YABU and entitled in swanning into a place of religion, which presumably she does not regularly attend for a service, then trying to call the shots while sneering at The Local Busy Body. The Church is much more than a prop to be used as such. (And no i'm not particularly religious and yes I know the Church makes money from weddings/gets the opportunity to drum up year round trade).

So many really interesting perspectives here!

Most churches are not 'really rich'. The prettiest, most popular wedding church around here has trouble paying its heating bills. The small congregation are entirely responsible for paying all the maintenance bills and any other costs which come up.

As it happens, it is quite busy in the summer and will have more than one wedding on a Saturday, sometimes several. The couples go on a marriage course beforehand, so they get to know each other and can perhaps talk about sharing flower costs there!

The 'church busybodies' that work really hard for nothing and keep the church functioning will need to get flowers in for the Sunday service, so it definitely needs to be discussed. For about £50-£100 they will be able to put flowers around the church in your colours. Not professionally arranged, but every penny will be spent on the flowers. I have received an arrangement, when I was a bit low, so they are appreciated around the community.

If your friend really wants to move them, it won't be as much faff as all that. Though it is customary to leave them as a gift.

I had the opposite problem at my wedding last month: I was married during Lent, which meant we HAD to take all the flowers with us!

We solved it by just having one alter arrangement and a dozen pew ends. They really weren't difficult to move to the reception at all, the ushers and best men just picked them up on the way out of the church and stuck them in various people's car boots. Hardly mission impossible if your friend does want to move them!

Wonder how much wedding flowers for church cost? Guess several hundred pounds minimum, and that the sky is the limit!