AIBU - church flowers

[Claire1200]

My best friend is getting married in September in a parish (feel like this might be relevant to the story) church. A lady (who is apparently the church busy body) approached her after the service on Sunday and asked her if she has organised her own florist or if the church are doing her flowers. She told her that she has organised her own florist. My friend said to this lady that she was going to use the same flowers at the reception venue too and was going to transport them there after the service. The lady went on to say that the church can choose to keep her flowers there, as if to say she hasn't got a choice in the matter. Is this a thing or is this lady just being unreasonable? Can the church actually say she can't take her flowers with her? This was the first she had heard of this and was really upset as she hadn't budgeted for two lots of flowers. Any help/advice appreciated.

This thread is a bit sad. We are getting married next year in the church we attend. Our lovely minister is doing the service and the fabulous flower ladies are already planning to pull out all the stops for our flowers. We thought about getting an excellent local organist we know in to do the music, but I'm afraid of hurting the feelings of the lady who plays for us week in, week out so we'll chuckle to ourselves about the odd dodgy note.

And to the person upthread who said it was a service not a celebration, nah it's both of course: it's a celebration of the ongoing life of the church.

You could arrange with the vicar that you pay (or give lavish gifts to) the people who Will have to clean the church after you've removed the flowers.

That would show generosity on your part, and make things easier for the parishioners - who are the ones who are going to have to come in on a Saturday afternoon and do the work, after all.

Well that sounds a bit rubbish Golden. Why don't you try and change things or vote with your feet and go elsewhere? It doesn't sound like you enjoy church very much.

We have fairly low standards in our church; DP and I have been shacked up for 26 years. No one seems particularly bothered.

Why don't you do to a supermarket then Golden? Presumably no one is frogmarching you in and tying you to a pew or anything.

The church can't forcibly kidnap flowers.

But it is customary to leave any fixed floral decorations behind - an arch over the door, say, or flowers on the pew ends.

At our wedding we made a contribution for church flowers and the volunteers created some beautiful floral decorations. We then had several arrangements made by our florist on stands, which we took with us to the reception.

I'm sorry to hear that your friend was upset by the woman who approached her, and I agree that the churchwarden will be able to clarify the situation. If your friend is a regular churchgoer then she must have noticed wedding flowers in place for the Sunday service before now. Your friend might also like to ensure that she and her wedding party are considerate of the guidelines issued by the church, and especially of the volunteers who ensure that it remains the attractive space in which she has chosen to get married.

Golden eh? You attend church but you're an atheist

Bamboozled and befuddled.

And what's this about supermarkets??

I have to say, Goldenwondering, I'm not surprised you don't like it there. My church has toddlers pottering around, people in their eighties smiling indulgently at them, and every age in between. Though the fifteen to thirty age group are very occasional in their attendance. The flowers are very simple on a normal week, though we'd pull out all the stops for a wedding. Like most churches, we need biodegradable confetti so we aren't still sweeping it up a year later. We don't turn people away because they are already living together. What a shame that would be, and counter productive too!

Are you involved in any way, to help change the attitudes? You are right, if there is no change it may well die out.

I'm going to make a not-too-wild guess that golden lives somewhere in the Hebrides or not a million miles away from there, where the Wee Frees have a strong hold over the community. So the shops won't be open (or the loos), and price of not attending church is not being seen as part of that community.

Sorry if I've guessed wrong, but that's how it read to me.

I am completely bemused as to why you even go to church GoldenWondering. Are you an adult? Is it some kind of weird cult?

Who will physically come and take you to church, if you don't go of your own accord, Golden??? And someone prevents you using public toilets? Are you Rapunzel in the tower?

Is this a wind up?

We had the minimal church flowers, one big table decoration and tiny vases on each table at the reception.

But if hardly anyone in the community goes, only the old people, how can not going make you not part of the community Golden? Surely you just become part of the majority?

My mum used to do the flowers in her local church. Brides bringing their own florist and then taking the flowers with them was considered bad form. The flowers already on the altar had to be removed to accommodate the wedding flowers, and then the altar was left bare because the bride had removed her flowers. This meant the flower ladies had to go back in and decorate the altar all over again, which took ages.

Fair enough if you want to take flowers from the edges of the pews or decorating the back of the church. But it's a bit mean to strip the altar of flowers.

But Golden your experience is not relevant tot his thread. Unless OP has a big drip feed coming, her friend's church sounds more Vicar of Dibley than anything!

OP, just get your friend to talk to the vicar or churchwarden. Simples.
Remembering that

1. It's a church not a venue so their rules might apply even if she's paying for the choir/bellringing/whatever
2. The "busybody" may be thinking if your friend removes all her flowers she and other VOLUNTEERS will have to come in and decorate for the late evening Saturday mass/Sunday services. Equally your friend may have misread the so-called busybody's point.
3. The faff of removing them may be a straw to break a camel's back for ushers and more expensive if the florist has to stay to take them and employ others to help transfer.

I give up. Can't understand why people are so demanding and don't communicate. I presume your friend has actually spoken to the vicar and is going to services for the banns? Or is it just a charming old church venue for her?

Its a real mixture of responses and I've been to a real mixture of weddings.

Some where all were removed, some where all stayed and some where the large ones were taken to the venue to be used at the welcome entrance or on tables.

I have even been to some where they have been taken to the reception and then back to the church.

And somewhere the guests felt it was acceptable to help themselves even though they were promised elsewhere!!

I did the Church flowers for years. The area I lived in was hard up and most people could only afford to donate about £5 towards the flowers when they were on rota, so I used to top it up.
Same with the wedding flowers. I always asked what colours they wanted and did the arrangements with any particular flowers and colour scheme requested. The flowers were left at the Church until after the Sunday services, then distributed to people in the community who needed them.

One couple told me they didn't mind what they had, it was a rush wedding and to do anything I liked. The vicar explained afterwards that the groom had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I did the whole Church out, not just the usual two arrangements. He died during the week after the wedding

"We thought about getting an excellent local organist we know in to do the music, but I'm afraid of hurting the feelings of the lady who plays for us week in, week out so we'll chuckle to ourselves about the odd dodgy note."

Try asking her. We had exactly this problem and a family friend had offered to do it for us. When we approached the usual organist to tactfully ask if she'd mind, she nearly cried with relief! She'd been dreading ruining the wedding with her playing

"I joined the thread as I was surprised to hear of flowers in a church as it is not something I have ever seen."

What denomination is your church? I am C of E, and we always have flowers unless it is Lent. I have never been to any church that never has flowers. Your church sounds rather joyless.