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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not have this little boy around to play?

180 replies

user1491572121 · 29/04/2017 06:47

DD is 9 and there's a little boy who is in her class who has moved into a house nearby to us a few months ago.

He's a perfectly decent little boy I suppose...but something about him rubs me up the wrong way. He's not "naughty" but he is quite cheeky....he makes personal remarks which at 9 he's old enough to know better about...about my house and the way I look etc.

He is quite "Oh I've got one of those but mine's better" about pretty much anything DD has. And "Oh our house is much nicer than yours"

These are just a few examples.

Anyway there's a stream near our house and I took DD and this boy there a few times not long after they moved in. Now, DD keeps on and on at me to take them again.

I've said no as I just don't want to spend time with the boy and I can't leave them alone near the water as it's deep and a bit lonely there.

His Mother also gets on my nerves.

DD won't accept it. She has loads of mates...this little boy is not particularly close to her or anything. I just don't want to encourage the friendship because he's rude.

AIBU?

OP posts:

tetherended · 29/04/2017 06:48

YABU, yes.

Believeitornot · 29/04/2017 06:49

He sounds like a typical 9 year old to me.

You've no idea how cheeky your dd might be when you're not there...

bloodymaria · 29/04/2017 06:51

Yes pretty much, you sound like you just don't like this wee boy very much and don't have a lot of patience. It's your house I suppose ultimately so do what you like.

Gizlotsmum · 29/04/2017 06:52

Hmm maybe a bit. You don't have to entertain this little boy but your daughter obviously likes him. Those examples aren't particularly rude... I can imagine my nearly 9 yr old saying it as a fact... not meaning it rudely in anyway. If I heard I would of course pull her up on it but I can't police her all the time.

Did they behave when you took them out? Maybe don't have him round but take them out and I would pull him up on rude comments in your presence.. just tell him that it's not polite.

BusterGonad · 29/04/2017 06:58

My son has had a few rude friends, it gets on my tits and I pull them up on it. He's allowed to invite them over but I don't take rudeness in my house, just as I'd expect my son to be pulled up at rudeness in someone else's.

mumeeee · 29/04/2017 07:00

YABU. He sounds like a typical 9 year old.

user1492287253 · 29/04/2017 07:04

Taking them out is reasonable. Pull him up on his behaviour.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 29/04/2017 07:13

YABU. Just tell him not to be rude.

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 07:21

If he's rude, say so. See if that helps

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 07:23

Not all 9 year olds are boastful, and other children start to get fed up with it.

Crisscrosscranky · 29/04/2017 07:24

I disagree that this is typical 9 year old behaviour. My DD wouldn't have been so rude!

YABU to try and stop a friendship because of how you feel though. In a few years you'll have little control over who your DC is friends with so better to give him a bit of freedom now else you could find him rebelling once he hits the teenage years...

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 07:26

And very few 9 year olds would comment on an adult's looks. it sounds like he needs guidance, and if you can do it gently, I think you are entitled to not accept rudeness towards you.

Iamastonished · 29/04/2017 07:26

Just tell him it is impolite to be boastful. If he carries on like this he won't have many friends, so you would be doing him a favour.

GahBuggerit · 29/04/2017 07:27

Yabu

Mothervulva · 29/04/2017 07:28

Give him one more try? And yes, if he's rude tell him sounds like he needs pulling up on it. 9 years old is plenty old enough take note of social conventions. Having said that, I wouldn't be keen to spend time with a tedious 9 year old.

befuddledgardener · 29/04/2017 07:30

Just be honest with your daughter. You don't want to spent time with him because he's rude (puts others down) and the stream activity needs to be supervised. Then repeat as often as needed.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 29/04/2017 07:30

To me (and it could just be how you have written it) it sounds as if she has linked the stream with this boy. I would suggest that you invite one of her nicer friends over and go there with them instead. If she still keeps asking to go with him then I would guess that he is pestering her to go again. I would say well maybe we can go once, with his mother to show them where it is and then after that she can take him.

MudCity · 29/04/2017 07:32

Personally I wouldn't take someone else's child out if I thought they were rude. In your shoes I would explain this to my daughter so she understands your reasons.

I can't abide rudeness from anyone....adult or child. We tend to make excuses for children by calling it 'cheeky' but the fact is he has insulted you and you don't have to accept that.

The most sympathetic interpretation of his behaviour is insecurity...he is new to the area and is seeking acceptance. You can either shower him with kindness to try and support this or make the decision that actually you don't want to spend time in his company. Your choice. Go with your gut feeling and don't feel bad for saying no.

befuddledgardener · 29/04/2017 07:35

If you do have him tell him directly (as soon as he starts saying things 'nobody likes a show off' or with personal comments 'you're being very rude, try to be kinder'

Flyingprettycretonnecurtains · 29/04/2017 07:36

Could you take her to the stream with a different friend. She wants to go with this lad because they clearly had fun and she wants to replicate that fun. The alternative is that you have him round but pull him up on his mild rudeness. 'I'm sure you're house is lovely but did you realise that what you said is a bit rude and people generally don't like that sort of comment'. 'Oooo, you are being a bit cheeky today. I wonder what your teachers/ mum would say about that?' Accompanied with the mum hard stare. Show him that this isn't acceptable and it also gives the message to your daughter that it isn't. If he doesn't take the hint then you can say to your daughter 'sorry, johnny keeps being cheeky and rude so he can't come round'.

Flyingprettycretonnecurtains · 29/04/2017 07:37

Horrors: Your house. Not you're house. Hangs head in shame.

befuddledgardener · 29/04/2017 07:39

Probably related to his insecurity. Hes new, he might inprove or not. I know a boy just like this and we gave it a good shot but he was just too unbearable to be around. He started to make my kid feel rubbish.

PowerPantsRule · 29/04/2017 07:42

Please don't tar all 9 year olds with the same brush! Mine and his friends are not rude like that, nor boastful. I don't think you are BU.

SemiNormal · 29/04/2017 07:43

He is quite "Oh I've got one of those but mine's better" about pretty much anything DD has. And "Oh our house is much nicer than yours"

OP does your daughter say anything when he says those things? Do you? I think you should pull him up on comments like that as they arise and explain that it's not very polite and if he wishes to join you again then he must refrain from those kind of comments in future. I think that's what I'd do but what I'd really want to do is to say something like "Oh I have feet too, but mine aren't so smelly".

pipsqueak25 · 29/04/2017 07:46

most kids have their cheeky moments, mine certainly did, but i used to pull them up about it as well as their friends if needed. if their parents whinged as a result it was probably because they knew they thought being rude was acceptable or felt awkward because they didn't tell their own kids about it in the first place.
this lad is a new kid on the block and therefore probably a novelty factor,

as dd isn't that close to this boy you are possibly making him more 'fun' for dd as you are 'putting him off ', i don't get the yabu angle if you don't want to encourage the friendship either, .
you are the adult here if you aren't comfortable around this child then why be in his company ? why does mum get on your nerves is she like her son and a bit braggy ?
i would encourage dd to have other friends around / go out with, if she sees this lad at school they can 'socialise' there but you don't have to be pushed into a corner because dd will throw a moody if you don't comply.
this friendship will probably die the death in due course anyway,

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