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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not have this little boy around to play?

180 replies

user1491572121 · 29/04/2017 06:47

DD is 9 and there's a little boy who is in her class who has moved into a house nearby to us a few months ago.

He's a perfectly decent little boy I suppose...but something about him rubs me up the wrong way. He's not "naughty" but he is quite cheeky....he makes personal remarks which at 9 he's old enough to know better about...about my house and the way I look etc.

He is quite "Oh I've got one of those but mine's better" about pretty much anything DD has. And "Oh our house is much nicer than yours"

These are just a few examples.

Anyway there's a stream near our house and I took DD and this boy there a few times not long after they moved in. Now, DD keeps on and on at me to take them again.

I've said no as I just don't want to spend time with the boy and I can't leave them alone near the water as it's deep and a bit lonely there.

His Mother also gets on my nerves.

DD won't accept it. She has loads of mates...this little boy is not particularly close to her or anything. I just don't want to encourage the friendship because he's rude.

AIBU?

OP posts:

DirtyChaiLatte · 29/04/2017 09:40

I really hope that your daughter, in her childish innocence or social awkwardness never does anything to annoy an adult.

Original poster

user1491572121 · 29/04/2017 09:41

Chav my daughter has been taught the basics of social interaction.

She would never comment on someone else's looks or house.

OP posts:

Astro55 · 29/04/2017 09:41

My son had a very rude friend - luckily though his mother was on to it and any bad manners she dealt with at home -

She was lovely and apologetic and made him apologise when he was spectacularly rude to one child -

If it hadn't been for her attitude he wouldn't have been welcome at a lot of homes - he's got better but he's not there yet

babyinarms · 29/04/2017 09:41

YANBU. He is rude. You don't have to like everyone, not even children. However, you can't be rude back , cos your the adult.
I have limited playdates with my ds friends if I found them unruly or rude. I didn't say anything to ds, just encouraged him to invite others instead.
I was lucky that the one or two who got on my tit's , ds didn't really click with anyway.
You're dd has clicked with this boy, so maybe give him another chance and if he passes comments again maybe say something that " that's not very nice" or " that's a bit rude of you "etc . Maybe he's not corrected at home for these things, who knows?

Yellowcups · 29/04/2017 09:42

You are not being unreasonable. I don't play date with any kids I don't like or any mothers I don't like. Life is too short for that shit.

TheRealPooTroll · 29/04/2017 09:42

And I don't agree that it's ok to say those things but kids learn that at different times. Some 3 year olds will know it's not on and some 9 yr olds won't. Ds's 9 yr old friend always asks me if I'm ever going to hoover. I find it quite funny actually but don't show it obviously.

metalmum15 · 29/04/2017 09:43

Salem Yes I did. It was said a long while ago, so she was possibly actually 8, or even 7, I really don't remember. Said friends house is a dump, and she'll happily admit she'd rather be anywhere else than cleaning and tidying at home. Fair enough.

Blueskyonthehorizon · 29/04/2017 09:48

Oh FFS . OP you don't want to hear YANBU and are arguing back to everyone who says you are. If you're so convinced you are in the right, why bother starting the thread?

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 09:54

Jump on me if you like, OP, but this child might be on the Autistic Spectrum (and so might his mum). He may need it spelling out that what he says is rude. It is unusual for children to say the sorts of things he is saying, and the only children I know who do this are either really insecure or have ASD

Do what you like, it's your choice

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 09:55

.... 9 year olds, I mean

SongforSal · 29/04/2017 10:00

Unfortunately, I think YABU. I once had a little boy exclaim 'The entire of your downstairs could fit into my kitchen'. He wasn't wrong! He lived in an enormous house, so I wasn't offended, just assumed he was being observational. I said something along the lines of how all people are different and have different homes ect....Kids are just learning, they ALL drop clangers.

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 10:03

SongforSal

I agree. I think it's hard for the OP to see past her upset to how to deal with it without completely rejecting him, because what he says is so hurtful (her skin)

SongforSal · 29/04/2017 10:08

I should add.....My Ds once asked a overweight woman if she was having a boy or girl......
My Dd once asked a lady in a shop ''Did you mean for your hair to be purple, or was it a bad accident?''

babyinarms · 29/04/2017 10:09

Yoda, you make a valid point. That boy may have asd. Kids with asd sometimes lack a filter and just say what they .

SailAwaySailAwaySailAway · 29/04/2017 10:10

Just tell him. If you calmly but firmly say 'That's not a kind thing to say now, is it?'' you might be doing him a massive favour. Also you'll be showing DD how to handle this head on.
If he gives you lip after you point out 'Do you know what you said is hurtful and a bit rude? ' that might be the time to call a halt.
It takes a whole village ...

babyinarms · 29/04/2017 10:11

#Say what they see

ShowMePotatoSalad · 29/04/2017 10:12

He sounds like a typical 9 year old

Why do people always justify rude comments/behaviour like it's acceptable? A 9 year old should be able to understand that saying "my house is much nicer than your's" is an unkind thing to say.

SongforSal · 29/04/2017 10:13

NotYoda

You could be right about the Autism. My neighbours kid is autistic and was playing in my garden a couple of summers ago, and when I asked him not to climb the fence, he replied something along the lines of ' I won't break it as I'm small and little, and your big and fat'. I didn't take offence....I'm not even fat, but to him I was 'Tall and Big'......He just said slightly the wrong words.

Taylor22 · 29/04/2017 10:44

But even if he does have ASD does that mean OP has to be with him?
Between work and kids and home. I wouldn't waste time with someone who makes me stressed or unhappy unless I really really had to.

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 10:46

Taylor

Nope. She can choose.

Cleanermaidcook · 29/04/2017 11:01

I have a 9 year old, i've parented her so she knows social niceties and wouldn't comment on someone elses home/appearance or anything else! 9 is plenty old enough to have been taught what is and isn't socially acceptable.
OP yanbu I'd say to my child, "you're free to play with child x but I don't want him here because he's rude and boastful and they are not qualities i like in a person so he's not coming to our house."

Siwdmae · 29/04/2017 11:25

Yanbu. I don't see why you would put up with a rude child. He's 9, he should know better. Why spend time/effort on him? Just tell your dd reasons why, she's old enough to understand.

Spikeyball · 29/04/2017 11:35

Yes Taylor the OP is perfectly at liberty to choose not to be around a child that has asd.

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 11:43

Spikey

But this child definitely doesn't. This child is definitely poorly - parented. Or a horrible child

floatingfrog · 29/04/2017 11:50

I had a problem with one of my DS's friends I liked the mum but her son was off the scale in terms of behaviour and my son would be terrible when they played together too. I had to cut them both out - hard but it was that or my sanity.

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