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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not have this little boy around to play?

180 replies

user1491572121 · 29/04/2017 06:47

DD is 9 and there's a little boy who is in her class who has moved into a house nearby to us a few months ago.

He's a perfectly decent little boy I suppose...but something about him rubs me up the wrong way. He's not "naughty" but he is quite cheeky....he makes personal remarks which at 9 he's old enough to know better about...about my house and the way I look etc.

He is quite "Oh I've got one of those but mine's better" about pretty much anything DD has. And "Oh our house is much nicer than yours"

These are just a few examples.

Anyway there's a stream near our house and I took DD and this boy there a few times not long after they moved in. Now, DD keeps on and on at me to take them again.

I've said no as I just don't want to spend time with the boy and I can't leave them alone near the water as it's deep and a bit lonely there.

His Mother also gets on my nerves.

DD won't accept it. She has loads of mates...this little boy is not particularly close to her or anything. I just don't want to encourage the friendship because he's rude.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Sugarpiehoneyeye · 29/04/2017 08:51

OP, your daughter had such a good time at the stream, that she wants to go again. Naturally, she associates this boy with it. Ask her if she would like to take a different friend this time, she probably would.
If you don't want him around, then simply don't.

AnathemaPulsifer · 29/04/2017 08:52

When my daughter's best friend was 8 or 9 she made some really cheeky comments like this due to her immaturity. She grew out of it quickly - a couple of snippy replies from me about that not being a very polite thing to say may have helped - and became an absolute delight by the time she was about 10.

pipsqueak25 · 29/04/2017 08:56

woop sorry if you took my comment the wrong way, that's why i put the Grin in - i was agreeing with you about not having to put up with rudeness in your own home.

metalmum15 · 29/04/2017 08:56

French To be fair, the house was a pigsty and my friend commented it "never looks like mine" (I'm maybe slightly OCD....) to which dd piped up "It is messier than ours". She would certainly never tell anyone they're ugly or overweight, she isn't a bully.

metalmum15 · 29/04/2017 08:56

French To be fair, the house was a pigsty and my friend commented it "never looks like mine" (I'm maybe slightly OCD....) to which dd piped up "It is messier than ours". She would certainly never tell anyone they're ugly or overweight, she isn't a bully.

befuddledgardener · 29/04/2017 09:07

Metal mum. A 9 year old should know better then to comment that someone's house is messy.

SuperFlyHigh · 29/04/2017 09:14

YABU.

He sounds a pain in the bum. Any chance of pulling him up on these comments one last time seeing as your DD likes him and if he doesn't stop, then end the visits/play dates. I agree it's learned behaviour.

Another option so wicked is push the little blighter in the stream bet you want to! Grin. That was a joke by the way!

SalemSaberhagen · 29/04/2017 09:21

Did you pull her up on it metal?

SalemSaberhagen · 29/04/2017 09:21

FYI you are not 'maybe slightly OCD'.

Sleepdeprivedredhead · 29/04/2017 09:22

9 year old's are supposed to be consistently skilled at afult social skills now are they?
It's not a myth/ misconception that more young children are confident enough cheeky to the raised with a fist generationto talk to adults more as they would their peers. They still have to learn social skills, so just tell them. Look out some parenting books about this.

DirtyChaiLatte · 29/04/2017 09:26

YABU. He's a child so don't be so judgemental.

If your daughter likes him, and he hasn't done anything terrible then why do you think you should be able to control your daughter's friendships?

Does she not have a right to choose herself?

Aeroflotgirl · 29/04/2017 09:28

Yes some 9 year olds can be rude, you pull him up on it. If your dd wants him round, have him!

Original poster
user1491572121 · 29/04/2017 09:29

I do take her to the stream with others or alone. I just don't want to call for this other child when he's rude.

I don't see why I should take him.

He's been to our house twice and to the stream once with us.

Every single time, he's been rude and boatful.

I also don't think 9 year olds should make comments about things like someone else's face or their house. I said in my OP that he'd said things about me. Do people REALLY think that's OK?

I'm asking those who say I am BU.

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 29/04/2017 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NavyandWhite · 29/04/2017 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
user1491572121 · 29/04/2017 09:31

Also I feel strongly that it's just not my job to pull him up or teach him manners.

Rude children over a certain age...which to me is 8 or 9...don't get invited to things. That's just as rude adults don't...my time with DD is quite precious and to share it with a child like this, isn't ok.

Her other friends are lovely.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1491572121 · 29/04/2017 09:32

Navy He said "Why is your skin such a lumpy mess?:

I have a skin condition. He also said "You look very scruffy today"

I didn't but whatever.

As to those people saying he's insecure as he's new...he's not new...he's lived in the town and gone to the same school all his life. He's only moved a few streets.

OP posts:
DirtyChaiLatte · 29/04/2017 09:33

*NavyandWhite

YABU. He's a child so don't be so judgemental unlike the boy then!*

He is a growing, learning child with not fully formed social skills. Being ostracized by an adult for that is not nice.

Original poster
user1491572121 · 29/04/2017 09:34

Chav he's NINE! He's not 4 or 5 for goodness sake! Nine is quite old enough to have empathy and the self control not to say things about other people's looks or belongings. ESPECIALLY not to adults who are hosting you!

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 29/04/2017 09:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gizlotsmum · 29/04/2017 09:35

I must admit I missed where you had said about the comments on your looks. I based my opinion on the two examples you quoted. Depending on what was said I still stand by my thought that it may not have been meant to be rude but just a statement of fact ( my own 9 yr old has told me my hair is messy, I corrected her but obviously realise I say it to her at times too). She is still learning what is and isn't ok to say and when... hell I know adults that still get it wrong! However if you really don't like him then you don't have to entertain him. However you can't stop your daughter being friends with him... and I think I would like to observe that friendship so I could monitor that it wasn't turning into nastiness

TheRealPooTroll · 29/04/2017 09:36

It's the kind of stuff my son used to say but he has autism. He's pretty much learned now that boasting/negative comments aren't appreciated (even when true!). He still has friends who do it though and I just put it down to immature social skills. I tend to politely remind ds's friends that some people might not like them to say that - (I have a spectacularly thick skin). If it's bothering your dd I would let her tell him herself and make her own decision about seeing him. If she still likes him I'd suck it up. I think we all have friends with some annoying traits that we tolerate due to there being other things we like about them.

Original poster
user1491572121 · 29/04/2017 09:36

Navy his mum is weird quite honestly. I told her about the town I am originalyl from and she proceeded to tell me all about it.

She acts oddly. I can't put my finger on it. I just don't feel comfortable around her.

OP posts:
Taylor22 · 29/04/2017 09:37

YANBU.
You owe this child nothing. Tell your daughter he's rude and you don't waste precious time on people who would just ruin it.

Original poster
user1491572121 · 29/04/2017 09:37

Giz if she was old enough to call for him and go to the stream I would never stop her. I wouldn;t tell her she could not be his friend ever.

But I won't spend time with a child who says things like that.

OP posts: