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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not have this little boy around to play?

180 replies

user1491572121 · 29/04/2017 06:47

DD is 9 and there's a little boy who is in her class who has moved into a house nearby to us a few months ago.

He's a perfectly decent little boy I suppose...but something about him rubs me up the wrong way. He's not "naughty" but he is quite cheeky....he makes personal remarks which at 9 he's old enough to know better about...about my house and the way I look etc.

He is quite "Oh I've got one of those but mine's better" about pretty much anything DD has. And "Oh our house is much nicer than yours"

These are just a few examples.

Anyway there's a stream near our house and I took DD and this boy there a few times not long after they moved in. Now, DD keeps on and on at me to take them again.

I've said no as I just don't want to spend time with the boy and I can't leave them alone near the water as it's deep and a bit lonely there.

His Mother also gets on my nerves.

DD won't accept it. She has loads of mates...this little boy is not particularly close to her or anything. I just don't want to encourage the friendship because he's rude.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WoopWoop200 · 29/04/2017 07:47

My neighbours daughter is like this. "I have this" "Mines better than that" all in mocking I am better than you tone. Just like her mother.
They are not welcome in our home.

pipsqueak25 · 29/04/2017 07:50

woop now you KNOW yabvu with that attitude ! Grin

Shurleyshummishtake · 29/04/2017 07:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UrsulaPandress · 29/04/2017 07:57

YANBU.

elkegel · 29/04/2017 08:00

YANBU, but I would take him and tell him off for being rude every time he is.

WoopWoop200 · 29/04/2017 08:01

Not at all pipsqueak. My attitude is fine.
If you don't mind rudeness then that's your business

elkegel · 29/04/2017 08:04

You can't choose your children's friends but you can very much choose who to invite into your home.

5moreminutes · 29/04/2017 08:07

Wow - it is not typical 9 year old behaviour!

My DC have loads of friends through the house almost daily, my middle one is 9 - typical 9 year olds are pretty polite and self sufficient.

The personal comments and boasting can be normal for some kids at about 5-7 I've found - you pull them up on it and say very plainly that children who make comments like that don't get invited back. Then they keep their opinions to themselves. DD has a lovely friend who went through a short phase of commenting on the deficiencies in my housework Shock at 5 or 6. I'd known her since she was 3 fortunately, so enough time to have a background with her and know she was basically lovely, just having a rather abrasive phase! I think commenting on housework made her feel grown up... I pulled her up on it twice, then she never did it again - still DD's friend 7 years later.

The boasting seems to happen with insecure kids - we have had a few visiting kids who have still done that at 9, again you can pull them up on comments designed to make your DC feel bad and point out it isn't what friends do. With one kid he was all out lying but it was painfully obvious he was desperate to be liked and thought he was impressing people - another probably did have all the stuff he said he had, he was certainly incredibly spoilt. We had all sorts of issues with that family (they lived just a few houses down) essentially thinking they could "buy" their son our son as a present (not literally but they were very overbearing and did a lot to try and have "first dibs" on Ds1's time and monopolise him, the parents were heavily over involved in their child's friendships). When the problem is the whole family there isn't a lot you can do - fortunately our problematic friend moved a way.

You don't have to take them to the stream if its hard work either, you can invite him over - at 9 you shouldn't need to be involved at all if they are playing at yours, except to provide snacks and drinks and be on hand just in case of an emergency. If they are really friends they'll play self sufficiently at yours if the stream trip is on hold. Pull him up if he's rude.

MickeyRooney · 29/04/2017 08:09

YANBU.
I wouldn't have him in my child's company at all. He needs to learn some manners. I really don't like cheeky kids.

AugustCarrot · 29/04/2017 08:10

I don't think you are being U.

If you don't want to do it, don't. Life is too short!

MickeyRooney · 29/04/2017 08:15

Also - yes - tell him off when he's being obnoxious.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 29/04/2017 08:19

Wouldn't bother me at all. I always feel sorry for DC like this, they've probably picked this up form thier parents, it's not the child's fault.

I think if you let him come round a few times your dd will get fed up of he "I have this, it's better than yours" and she will stop wanting to see him.

You're making a mountain out of a mole hill

MickeyRooney · 29/04/2017 08:20

And as for him commenting on your personal appearance - jesus christ, that's outrageous.

metalmum15 · 29/04/2017 08:21

I think there's a difference between being rude and being boastful. For instance, a lot of 9 year olds can come across as rude when in actual fact they're just being honest and telling it like they see it, as they're not yet old enough to understand you might think some things, but don't actually say them. (For instance, my dd will happily go to someone's house and tell them it's messy. I think the same but I'm just too polite to say so). However, boastful is different. Dd has a friend who's done everything everyone else has, but bigger and better, or she's faster and smarter. My response is to just smile politely every time and say "Really? ". I agree with pp that it's a form of insecurity. (Also, this girl can be a bit of a bully and is not well liked by some. Kids are quite perceptive. )

metalmum15 · 29/04/2017 08:21

I think there's a difference between being rude and being boastful. For instance, a lot of 9 year olds can come across as rude when in actual fact they're just being honest and telling it like they see it, as they're not yet old enough to understand you might think some things, but don't actually say them. (For instance, my dd will happily go to someone's house and tell them it's messy. I think the same but I'm just too polite to say so). However, boastful is different. Dd has a friend who's done everything everyone else has, but bigger and better, or she's faster and smarter. My response is to just smile politely every time and say "Really? ". I agree with pp that it's a form of insecurity. (Also, this girl can be a bit of a bully and is not well liked by some. Kids are quite perceptive. )

Funnyface1 · 29/04/2017 08:23

Yanbu. You are perfectly entitled to like or dislike someone, it's just the way it is. And most parents have preferences over who their children are friends with, bad influences etc. You please yourself.

SalemSaberhagen · 29/04/2017 08:26

metal at 9 I would not be happy that my DC was being so rude. 9 is plenty old enough to understand that you don't say some things.

WanderingTrolley1 · 29/04/2017 08:27

Yanbu.

FrenchLavender · 29/04/2017 08:32

YANBU. one of my kids used to have a friend like this, (in fact between them they've had a few over the years) his mum thought the sun shone out of his arse and never pulled him up on it but all the other mums I knew found him rude, boastful and too outspoken. Definitely not autistic before anyone suggests that, just an arrogant little whatsit. He came to my house once or twice but I nipped it in the bud after that and eventually my DS got bored with him too.

Just as not all adults are very likeable, not all children are likeable. There is no law that says you have to spend time with him if you don't want to. There are plenty of nice children out there to spend time with. You have to hope that if enough people distance themselves then the penny will eventually drop for him about why and he'll mellow into a more tolerable adult.

FrenchLavender · 29/04/2017 08:35

For instance, a lot of 9 year olds can come across as rude when in actual fact they're just being honest and telling it like they see it, as they're not yet old enough to understand you might think some things, but don't actually say them. (For instance, my dd will happily go to someone's house and tell them it's messy.

I think unless it was a jaw dropping pigsty that no-one could helping 'Holy Crap!!!' at the minute they walked through the door then I think that by nine most NT children will be socially evened enough and well brought up enough to know that it is rude to point out flaws, unless invited to comment.

They might find someone ugly but unless they intend to bully or hurt Ido think they would know not to say it.

FrenchLavender · 29/04/2017 08:36

help saying

FrenchLavender · 29/04/2017 08:36

oh FFS.

socially evolved!

NavyandWhite · 29/04/2017 08:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SavoyCabbage · 29/04/2017 08:41

I would take her to the river with another friend too.

My youngest is ten and there is no way she would say anything like that. Much younger children do it though.

We used to have 'the four rules of playdates'
Be kind
Be helpful
Only ask for water
Don't wreak the joint

Gottagetmoving · 29/04/2017 08:43

YABU. You are an adult and he is a child.
He hasn't been taught not to make 'rude' comments but you shouldn't get offended by something a 9 year old says. He doesn't mean to be rude, he is just boasting. Many kids go through a stage of saying whatever they have is better or just bluntly come out with what they think.
You can respond to critical comments by saying 'Thats not a very nice thing to say to someone' and just leave it there.
My son had a friend like this when he was about that age and the boy, now grown up, is one of the nicest young men you could meet and a really good friend to my son.