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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not have this little boy around to play?

180 replies

user1491572121 · 29/04/2017 06:47

DD is 9 and there's a little boy who is in her class who has moved into a house nearby to us a few months ago.

He's a perfectly decent little boy I suppose...but something about him rubs me up the wrong way. He's not "naughty" but he is quite cheeky....he makes personal remarks which at 9 he's old enough to know better about...about my house and the way I look etc.

He is quite "Oh I've got one of those but mine's better" about pretty much anything DD has. And "Oh our house is much nicer than yours"

These are just a few examples.

Anyway there's a stream near our house and I took DD and this boy there a few times not long after they moved in. Now, DD keeps on and on at me to take them again.

I've said no as I just don't want to spend time with the boy and I can't leave them alone near the water as it's deep and a bit lonely there.

His Mother also gets on my nerves.

DD won't accept it. She has loads of mates...this little boy is not particularly close to her or anything. I just don't want to encourage the friendship because he's rude.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Astro55 · 29/04/2017 16:05

Some children are brought up like this - because their parents are the same.

I'm sure this boy will have other friends and you don't have to accommodate him -

Some kids are hard work - others are easy to have round

One of DDs friends whilst lovely seems to think I'm her play date rather than DD and sits in the kitchen talking 10 to the dozen - I don't need that!!! Happy of she plays with DD upstairs - but I'm not the entertainment

user1491326393 · 29/04/2017 16:12

I have rtft. I'm also not projecting, I'm stating a very possible situation, the boy mentioned in the OP could cause sone serious upset with his attitude. Are you lot who are crying about "child bashing" (fking hilaaaarious!) perhaps a bit touchy because your child is one if those who other parents aren't keen to have around? Or do you all live in a bubble of ineffectual, hair-stroking parenting bliss where your darlings get away with murder?

TheRealPooTroll · 29/04/2017 16:16

You say it's not your job to parent him but surely telling the child what he says is rude is showing YOUR child what is acceptable and modelling how to deal with people saying unkind things.
Of course you don't have to host him but if your dd 'won't accept it' she clearly quite likes him and you will be punishing her because you are oversensitive to the poor social skills of a 9yr old.
I also think it's naive to think that your 9 yr old would never say anything that could cause offence. Having hosted many 'nice' 9yo's in my house there is a massive difference between how they behave when their parents are there and how they behave when they aren't (and like most people I'm very British about it and tell their parents they've been good as gold regardless).

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 16:25

user

Please try a bit harder. I'm not quite sure I have understood quite what your agenda might be

user1491326393 · 29/04/2017 16:32

Notyoda

I don't have an agenda I'm merely speculating on why you might be so obsessed with defending this kind of behaviour when its clearly out of order

I was using my own family's situation to highlight why this kind of behaviour can be so hurtful

We are talking about 9 plus here. If the thread was about 3 year olds I'd hardly have the same opinion

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 16:34

rtft again, then, because you clearly don't understand the meaning of what was written.

I'm off to knit some yoghurt and milk my yaks Smile

TheRealPooTroll · 29/04/2017 16:35

But surely even hearing it from a 3 yr old would be upsetting if it was something you were insecure about?

user1491326393 · 29/04/2017 16:38

Have fun Smile ill be in the real world with my kids who don't insult people and our similarly nice friends

NotYoda · 29/04/2017 16:45

Oh bless. You don't understand sarcasm

TheRealPooTroll · 29/04/2017 16:46

Having worked with many 9yos whose parents were confident that their children would never behave less than wonderfully even when they weren't with them I can tell you that it is very unlikely you are living in the real world user Grin

user1491326393 · 29/04/2017 16:48

Therealpootroll

Well of course, and growing resilience is something everyone needs to learn and something my own dd is working on (she has counselling for another issue and is getting a few tips) but a logical person can take it on the chin somewhat when they know a tiny kid of 3 really doesn't have much of an ability to engage brain before they speak. An older child should know better, however, and it therefore seems more calculated to upset when coming out of their mouth, less innocent perhaps.

TheRealPooTroll · 29/04/2017 16:52

Kids learn things at different rates though. Some 9 yr olds SHOULD be able to recite their 9 times table but can't. Some 9 yr olds need their social skills refining.
I would react differently to a child who I thought was genuinely putting their foot in it without realising to a child who I thought was trying to upset people.

user1491326393 · 29/04/2017 16:53

Therealpootroll of course my kids aren't perfect where did I say that?! I worked with kids for 10 years they can be horrible. But I'd like to think I'd be informed if my kids behaved like this in secret. And notyoda, I don't know why you are so up your own arse, but I do understand sarcasm thanks, I just didnt respond similarly.

TheRealPooTroll · 29/04/2017 17:09

Schools aren't going to pull parents in because a child accidentally offends someone by saying something that is true.

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/04/2017 17:53

"Also I feel strongly that it's just not my job to pull him up or teach him manners."
No, it's not your job - but it could be your pleasure Grin!

I don't like rude kids, but then I am comfortable telling them not to be rude. I would be inclined to say yes to your daughter's requests ONCE - and if he was rude, tell him so. 'That's a very rude thing to say, and I don't want you to be rude to me again'. And if he was, tell your daughter that no you're not taking him with you again because he was rude when you asked him not to be.

Your description of his particular brand of rudeness - boastful, 'mine is better' - could be coming from insecurity on his part. I'd give him one more chance.

mytimewillcome · 29/04/2017 20:21

I've recently stopped my sons' playing with a neighbour's children because they were rude and they were younger than 9. My children have had doors slammed in their faces when they knock on their doors to play and them mocking my children because they can't read yet. They've also come over to our house to tell us that their car is better than ours. I think I need to teach my children that it's not acceptable to be treated like this and to make sure they have some self respect.

isadoradancing123 · 29/04/2017 21:09

Some kids are rude little shits. It's not your job to teach him manners. I def would not take him.

Gottagetmoving · 30/04/2017 16:19

It's a pity we don't concentrate more on teaching our children to become confident and handle rude comments so that when they grow up they are not horrified and offended by thoughtless things a child may say.

Yes, we should teach children NOT to be rude but if I had grown up to be offended by and intolerant of a rude child I would be worried.

SauvignonBlanche · 30/04/2017 16:44

The trouble with the camp that thinks I SHOULD host him is that if he DOES have ASD then his Mother should be telling his friend's parents so they can make allowances.

You lost my sympathy with that, it's up to the boy and his mother who they trust with that information. DS wasn't diagnosed until 9 so I couldn't have told people before then, even if I'd wanted to. He could be pretty blunt at times.

RevEm · 30/04/2017 17:34

Hmm... I feel I should say YABU but...cheeky kids, especially ones who might make your own daughter feel bad, are not ones I'd want in my house either. I feel very bad but I stopped one of DD friends coming over who was about 9-10 at the time. Gosh, his scream was so high pitched it almost cracked the windows.

Your house, our rules....

Craigie · 30/04/2017 17:41

YABU. Some kids are cheeky, it's not like he's mean to her. Dont micromanage your daughter's friendships - she will resent the interference as she gets a older. Next time he's a smart arse, just tell him that what he said isn't very nice/polite and that you don't talk like that in your house.

Mexxi · 30/04/2017 17:44

Of course YANBU. He is a rude little twat, so why should you bother with him?!

FeedTheSharkAndItWillBite · 30/04/2017 17:47

Hmm... I feel I should say YABU but...cheeky kids, especially ones who might make your own daughter feel bad, are not ones I'd want in my house either.

But he doesn't make her daughter feel bad (in this case), does he? (or did I miss something...?)

The OP's daughter wants to have him over.... But the OP doesn't.

seoulsurvivor · 30/04/2017 17:51

Some of you are very forgiving.

At nine, if they are that boastful and rude about an adult's appearance, it is definitely not the norm, in my experience.

I wouldn't have dreamed of it.

Joshpaws · 30/04/2017 17:53

You don't have to meet with this child if he rubs you up the wrong way. I once banned DS from playing with a boy over the road who sounds just like this one. He turned out to be trouble when he hit his teens so it was a good decision.

Just explain to your DD as best as you can..