to think my 5 year old is ahead academically?

[hollyvsivy]

I'm not posting to boast and my daughters happiness is far more important to me than her academic progress. This is why I found it frustrating that at parents evening tonight her teacher told me she's working at around the same level as most children her age, because my DD is thoroughly bored at school. She has just turned 5 and is in reception.

She's on stage 5 reading books at school but can read stage 6 at home. Her real strength is in maths, though. She can read up to six figure numbers. She can add numbers in their thousands. She understands and can do short multiplication (discovered when she joined in with her big sisters homework.) She knows some times tables and can easily halve and double numbers in her head. She will often sit and write numbers correctly formed and in the correct order to 200+. Then she brings home homework which questions like 4-2 so I just don't understand how her teacher can say she's average when she could've done the current homework years ago.

Of course I don't want to be pushy at 5, but equally I don't want her to be bored and lose enthusiasm for numbers in particular. AIBU to think her teacher is selling her short? I've seem her workbooks at school and know she's independently writing big sums at school so her teacher has definitely seen she can do it and that I'm not a fantasist!

I think you just have to keep on with it...but yes I totally sympathise with the challenges of them being so single minded. This term I've managed to get DS to start a dance club and a multi-sports club, so far so good! It's a big step, but he is going to have to learn and learn to manage himself. If there is an appropriate extra-curricular activity available, ask that she does say 15 minutes, then you can see after that time if she's coped...it's got to be worth a try. Honestly, I never thought we would get past this stage, but we did.

Also, I agree with others that if she is not challenged enough with her academic work, then that has to be addressed...and should be encouraged! It's fantastic that she has such skill at such a young age.

Baby spider sounds like DDs nursery teacher who said she couldn't be autistic because she didn't line things up or hit people...!!

Erm baby spider has been supportive to you op, and not once have I been rude. Where did I say anything wrong to you.

I think she'd love a local trampolining club and have suggested it but she immediately bursts into tears with anxiety and has sleepless nights over it, even though she hadn't agreed to go! I think she'd like it if she tried it and be so proud of herself, it's just getting her to be brave enough to take that first step.

I didn't say you had been rude baby spider. I said you hold similar misconceptions to many other people I have encountered.

@Awwlookatmybabyspider you are using untrue stereotypes...

Oh for goodness sake! Stop with the "all children with autism are super intelligent and gifted" it's crap.

Let's not have a bun fight. Let's move on like adults. Sorry if I've upset anyone. I hate it when that happens.

Autistic children are always exceptionally intelligent

As others have said, untrue stereotypes help no one.

She sound gifted with numbers but her autism may mean she finds problem solving a challenge. That's a huge part of the KS1 curriculum. It could be that her teacher was talking more generally about her development.

I know she is still EYFS but as others have said, number is only one part of maths.

"God forbid that anyone on here should say their child is bored because they're well past what the rest of the class is doing"

The point is that in reception they spend so little time specifically doing maths that even if they aren't being properly challenged there is a lot of the day when they aren't well past the rest of the class and those things are actually more important because they are things that ideally should be learned at that age. There is plenty of time for maths.

I don't think anyone's upset, just frustrated babyspider well I speak for myself. I'm not upset.

Have you thought that main stream might not be the place for her (I'm a mum of kids with sen). If she hfa perhaps a specialist asd would meet her needs better

Her autism is massively significant.

She's clearly very able with reading and maths but has the typical social difficulties of a child with autism.

She has the potential to do very very well academically but, as you have identified, will probably struggle in mainstream education.

Don't get strung up on the boredom aspect. Her teachers will try to stretch her but there is only so much that they can do in classes of 30 within the constraints of the national curriculum and statutory testing. You can provide the opportunities for real stretch and challenge outside school. Most high achieving students with autism I know seek this out for themselves and just need to be given internet access and left to their own devices (with monitoring for safety, obviously).

The problems she is going to have are not around her academic achievement but around friendships, complying with behaviour policies, coping with unexpected events, coping with noisy environments, parties, plays, trips etc and those subjects which don't match her skills (for example creative writing for GCSE English).

I would strongly recommend that you apply for an EHCP and that you work with the school on this. It doesn't matter whether one teacher acknowledges your daughter is ahead of her peers in reading stages or arithmetic at the age of 5. It does matter that you can have non-confrontational and productive conversations with her teachers throughout her education to make sure that you are working together to make sure she achieves her potential and feels happy and secure at school.

Holly I'd enquire if you could just take her to look...or watch...for a short time and see how she gets on. I am afraid I often take the approach of not telling DS exactly what we're doing as ASD parents are often advised to do, I have found it counter-productive on many occasions. If I did that, then half the time we wouldn't get out of the door.

Hedda has suggested an EHCP, which is I think is very good advice under these circumstances. Many schools won't touch it and say the child doesn't need it, but you can self refer and apply yourself, you don't need the school to do it.

Lets leave baby spider alone. Autistic children quite often have skills that go unnoticed. I'm not talking savants because that is rare but I know children on all points of the spectrum that are talented in their area (not always 'academically'). Kids with autism often have specific interests that they will repeat and repeat long after others would have tired of repeating which often means they can get very good at very specific things whilst struggling in other areas.
My ds was very interested in numbers and at age 2 knew his place value into the millions and happily talked to the staff at his nursery about calculations (and little else). However he is now 7 and has only just learned the order of the days of the week.

hollyvsivy

I agree Waddle about big sums just being small sums really and DD gets that, whereas her ten yo sister (who is exceeding in most areas) struggles to get her head around it. I don't get how that makes 5 yo average

I didn't say average I said mine is the same with numbers & therefore not unusual. Or maybe my DS is gifted & i didn't know (not being snarky) all I know is the maths you describe is normal for my 5 year old too.

You don't sound like you feel school is a good fit for your daughter

reading wise its not just about if she can read the words but if she can follow the story and read with expression, so whilst she may well be able to read the words at level 6 the teachers probably keeping her down to build up on her comprehension and expressive reading, you can always keep offering her more challenging books at home.

Maths wise, she does sound ahead, but has she got the basics down as well? and is she showing she can do it in class? I have had kids in the past that know some quite advanced stuff but struggle to add up or take away simple numbers, I've also had children pretend to struggle when they could do it with their eyes shut. Then there's kids that have been taught random things as party tricks, like when my then 13 yo sister taught DD her 12 times tables when she was 2, like you would a nursery rhyme just so she could video it and show her mates, DD didn't even know how to count at the time or actually know what times tables were. (It was kind of cute though)

socially though, it sounds like they aren't doing enough. I'd worry about that first personally.

Personally I think she's doing very well just to be coping with reception. Although socialising/ social relationships are important long term, I wouldn't worry about extra curricular activities or playdates right now unless she's asking for them. She's likely exhausted from her day at school and hasn't got the mental/emotional headspace to cope with yet more stressful stuff. You may find she's far more receptive in a year or two when (hopefully) the demands of school are less overwhealming.

Autistic kids are certainly not 'more intelligent' than the general population. Someone's been watching too much Rainman.

Talk to the senco about getting support and an ed psych in. The focus needs to be on her mental health going forward. Her academic needs will be part of that but there needs to be support to minimise her stress in school and to aid her inclusion (where feasible) in the rest of school life.

Ignoring the autism aspect for a moment. Some children do not like the play based aspect of reception and much prefer it once the more academic stuff starts later in the school.

In reception the how they are getting on tends to be more in the round than particular aspects