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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how much freedom your ten year old has?

393 replies

hollyvsivy · 25/04/2017 23:07

My daughter will be ten soon. I wouldn't say I'm super strict but it's begun to occur to me that she has way less freedom than others her age. We saw friends of hers at mcdonalds alone the other day with their iPhones in hand and make up on. Tonight we saw her friend out bike riding alone. Her other friend stays home alone while her mum takes her brother to swimming lessons. The majority have their own phones and/or tablets.

DD doesn't have a phone or tablet. She doesn't ask to use technology at home. She doesn't wear make up. She has never been out alone or with friends alone and I still don't like her going to the toilet alone in public places Blush

Seeing as she's happy with how things are (and doesn't have the awful attitude a lot of her friends do!) AIBU to continue this way for as long as possible, or should I be encouraging her to grow up a bit? How much freedom does your ten year old have?

OP posts:
Pinkandwhiteblossoms · 25/04/2017 23:09

You clearly feel you're doing it all right and everyone else is wrong, so Confused

RhinestoneCowgirl · 25/04/2017 23:10

My DS is 10 and in yr 6. He doesn't have a phone or tablet (but did get an Xbox at Christmas)

He walks to school by himself, and sometimes home again, has a door key.

He doesn't wear make up Wink

Buttercupsandaisies · 25/04/2017 23:12

Op my 11 year old is the same as yours - as are all get friends! It's totally normal round here

PickAChew · 25/04/2017 23:13

Well, none, since he functions at pre-school level, but he does have an Internet enabled device (was an iPad, but he's decided he prefers the iPod touch)

Empireoftheclouds · 25/04/2017 23:13

Yay a ten year old with no freinds Confused you must be so happy. What does she do? Play with Barbies?

lavenderpekins · 25/04/2017 23:14

Watching with interest!! My ds 10 has had all technologies put away.. we've been screen free for about 3 weeks now.. 😬

lavenderpekins · 25/04/2017 23:16

That's encouraging Empire

Pinkandwhiteblossoms · 25/04/2017 23:16

But my ten year old

Is left for short periods. I'll leave him in the house if I am going out for less than half an hour.
Walks to school (it is practically within spitting distance)
Has an iPhone and a kindle fire
I wouldn't let him go to somewhere like McDonald's with just friends yet but he's still just in y5 - not sure about next year.

Original poster
hollyvsivy · 25/04/2017 23:16

Where did I say she doesn't have friends? Hmm

Her close friends don't go out alone which is why it hasn't become an issue yet. We have also seen classmates swimming with friends and she was shocked their parents would let them do that.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 25/04/2017 23:16

Well, mine are quite a bit older now, but I'd say you parent more like me, rather than all these other friends.
Encouraging wearing of make up has nothing to do with freedom though - I'm just glad ours were steered more into the tree climbing / camping / sports playing type way of life.

Ours got phones for secondary school. Cheap, PAYG phones.

I'm generally all for encouraging independence and thinking for self, but don't think any of the examples you've given are things I've ever wanted to encourage, tbh.

Pinkandwhiteblossoms · 25/04/2017 23:17

What was she shocked about? Confused Swimming is pretty harmless, surely. Unless you're going to say it was in the English Channel or something.

wifeyhun · 25/04/2017 23:17

My dd sounds similar to yours. She is 10. She does have a phone and tablet.

However she doesn't go out on her own just yet. We will be working on that when she goes into year 6 to get her ready for walking to high school on her own.

Pinkandwhiteblossoms · 25/04/2017 23:18

To be honest OP sending her to secondary school with a prim little attitude that is 'shocked' about children swimming is asking for big trouble.

MrsJoyOdell · 25/04/2017 23:19

Christ some people are fucking bitches.

OP you don't come across as thinking you're right and everyone is wrong at all - you sound like you're questioning your own judgement.

My son has just turned 10, he's in year 5. He has friends Hmm and he has an iPad but it has no communication capability. He doesn't have a phone, he doesn't walk to school and he doesn't get to go 'out' alone. He goes to play in the park but not to McDonald's etc. I don't know any of his friends that are allowed to go out like that, but approximately 2/3 kids in his class do have a phone.

We're caving at Christmas. I'm dreading it. Sad

MrsJoyOdell · 25/04/2017 23:21

My DS would be shocked at his friends swimming without adults too - only because he wouldn't be confident enough to do it himself so it's not something he realises other 10 year olds may do. Not because he's 'prim.' Wtf? Confused

GreatFuckability · 25/04/2017 23:22

how far away is macdonalds? for my 10 year old to go to Mcds with friends alone, she'd have to get a bus to a different town, so no she doesn't do that. however, if it was close, somewhere she could walk like my local cafe i'd be fine with that.
She has a mobile phone as she goes out to play in the park/around the village we live in with her friends and i can then check up on her.
She is allowed to wear a little bit of make up for parties but doesn't wear it day to day.
She is allowed to be home alone for an hour if i'm just going to be in the supermarket locally. longer with her older siblings.
She walks to and from school alone, and is allowed to go and call for her friends after school. in before dark is the rule.
She's not got an asbo yet, so i'm ok with it.

saoirse31 · 25/04/2017 23:22

Nine year olds wearing make up?

Original poster
hollyvsivy · 25/04/2017 23:23

I don't think it's 'prim' to wonder why 9 year olds are swimming unsupervised. She's just used to spending weekends as a family and I think she thought it was sad that her classmates didn't have that. Her opinion, not mine before I get flamed for it!!

OP posts:
Original poster
hollyvsivy · 25/04/2017 23:25

The Mcdonalds was about a ten minute walk from the closest friends home. DD hasn't even crossed a car park alone, let alone a road Blush Perhaps she is too sheltered.

OP posts:
Pinkandwhiteblossoms · 25/04/2017 23:25

This reply has been deleted

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GreatFuckability · 25/04/2017 23:25

my dd swims competitively, the idea of her needing to be supervised swimming is laughable, she swims better than i do!

GreatFuckability · 25/04/2017 23:26

She will be secondary school in less than 18 months (possibly less if shes a young y6!) and has never crossed a car park alone??

BrickInTheWall · 25/04/2017 23:27

My DD is 10 and I would say compared to her friends she is in the middle area of how much freedom they have.

She does not have a phone or tablet, about half her class do. I have said she can have one when she moves up to secondary school.
She is allowed out on her bike alone. We have agreed where she cannot go past, the furthest friend she can call in etc. She has a watch and has to check in at an agreed time, usually about every hour.
She doesn't wear make up unless for a special occasion like out for a birthday dinner. She got her first beginners make up set for Christmas so this is a fairly new thing. I'd say she's probably worn it three times?
I would leave her in the house to drop younger siblings at a club or to pop to the shop. Probably not more than 1/2 an hour.
She goes swimming with a friend every Friday evening at the local pool that puts out floaties.
I definitely let her go to the toilet herself! She has been doing that for a couple of years. She often takes her younger sister who is 6 just to show her where it is and hold the door for her. ( don't like the 6yr old using unfamiliar locks)

GreatFuckability · 25/04/2017 23:27

Did you tell her that swimming with friends and spending time with family are not mutually exclusive concepts??!

Original poster
hollyvsivy · 25/04/2017 23:28

My DD can swim very well too. But I wouldn't like the idea of her in toilets and changing rooms alone.

I don't find you sarcastically slagging off my child helpful or relevant blossoms, so kindly desist.

OP posts: