to ask how much freedom your ten year old has?

[hollyvsivy]

My daughter will be ten soon. I wouldn't say I'm super strict but it's begun to occur to me that she has way less freedom than others her age. We saw friends of hers at mcdonalds alone the other day with their iPhones in hand and make up on. Tonight we saw her friend out bike riding alone. Her other friend stays home alone while her mum takes her brother to swimming lessons. The majority have their own phones and/or tablets.

DD doesn't have a phone or tablet. She doesn't ask to use technology at home. She doesn't wear make up. She has never been out alone or with friends alone and I still don't like her going to the toilet alone in public places

Seeing as she's happy with how things are (and doesn't have the awful attitude a lot of her friends do!) AIBU to continue this way for as long as possible, or should I be encouraging her to grow up a bit? How much freedom does your ten year old have?

Ok they don't obviously need to be independent, but that seems really immature if she can't/ doesn't cross the road by herself, be by herself for a while etc, she may soon be in senior school and it does seem like she'll be behind a lot of her peers. And if she thinks it's sad that others don't spend all their time with family, seems a little judgey but you don't seem to want her to be more independent and she may not grow to want to be so when she is a teenager how will she handle when she invariably has to be dependent?

My DS is nearly 10 and had an IPad but no phone and isn't allowed out on his own with friends (we live in a built up area, everywhere is across roads etc). His friends come around to us (or vice versa) fairly regularly and he goes to after school football and drama clubs where he sees friends and we take him to swimming lessons, but he's dropped off and picked up from all. Most of his friends are the same, except those who live right next to a park/field where it's easy for them to meet and play with little adult supervision. And to the pp who asked if she plays with Barbies- plenty of 10 year olds I know play with dolls!

Just wanted to add, though, he's happy to be left alone for short periods and will pop around to neighbours' houses on his own. He's also confident in large crowds etc, e.g was quite happy to start banter with rival fans when we went to a huge football match at Wembley recently. Hopefully, we'll increase the independence bit by bit when he reaches yr 6.

Hopefully to support Arsenal Dixie

Dixiestamps I agree with the barbie thing.
My niece is 15 and only stopped playing with barbies when she was 14! By then she'd already had a boyfriend and snogged them. She was wearing makeup etc so not a little girl anymore.

I think from 10 upwards they can be mature and very immature all at the same time.
My 11 yo still plays barbies and no signs of it stopping either.

It's also a great way for their overly anxious parent to GPS track them when starting to cut the apron strings.

But where the fk do they GO at the age of 10 in order for the parent to want to GPS track them?"

I'm 30 and I got my first phone at 12, and that was 18 years ago.

Oh.F*K off lol
I'm 40 and it just goes to show the ultimate divide, however close 30 and 40 sound.
A mere 10 years but mobile phones were just starting to come out then. They weren't the norm around 1999. Yes, people had them. Only a few did though.

Dd is 10/yr5 and we're closer to OP's child than the McDonald's example given.

Dd has had a tablet for a.couple of years (As encouraged by the school for IT etc), but I have no plans to get her a phone until she's out and about for secondary school.

Meet ups are still arranged as play dates at people's houses within her friendship circle, with only a handful of her classmates walking to school without parents/older siblings.

I let her start going to the bathroom alone in public a few years ago, and have only started leaving her alone for short periods (

Oh dear, Keepinghimoccupied- we wear white in this house!!

Cheesequeen mine was a payg Vodaphone it was the one with the thick Aerial and the curved top, all my friends had them.
I never got a Nokia 52 10 though we were too poor

We just started giving our DS 11 more freedom ahead of senior school. He is allowed out into park with a friend and to
Walk to comer shop. We are also practicing walking back from senior school now we know which one he is

It's hard to let go as a parent but it has to be done

cheesequeen I thought exactly the same. Approaching 40 here and I got my first mobile phone in my last year of uni. There was no signal anywhere though.

We live in a city and very few of the children in our year 5 or 6 have mobiles. If she isn't begging for make up, technologies etc then I think that you are doing the right thing not to force them on her. I would probably be helping her to get a bit more confident at getting about on her own though. Most kids here make their own way to secondary so I guess it would be good to be used to that.

My DS has a birthday at the very end of August, so will only be 11 and a few days when he starts Senior School. I'm glad he's quite mature, though, but I do worry about him being ready for the whole 'walking to school alone' thing, as it's a a good 30 or 40 minute walk.
He has no interest in a phone, though, as yet!
PS- also 40 ish and had my first 'brick' in my last year of uni too.

My DSIS is 11 (just) and in Y6.

She is allowed to mooch around the shops with just her friends as long as an adult is nearby- e.g. she went to our local town to Costa and to a couple of clothes shops while her friends mum was swimming 2 minutes away. She isnt allowed to go into a big city alone however. Never been left home alone and won't be until senior school. Same with mobile phone but has supervised access to tablets and home computers. Will walk to the corner shop alone which is a 2 minute walk away- will send her if I need milk etc and saves carting all of my 3 out.

It does seem a bit extreme to not even let your DD cross a car park alone- I will often get DSIS to go buy a parking ticket while I wrangle my toddler DD into her pram.

'RE makeup- nail varnish for parties but other than messing around at home and playing with my DD absolutely not. I wasn't allowed until I was a teen, same with older sister and so will probably be the same for her. I wasn't allowed my ears pierced until 13 either.

Dixie that's a shame, somebody has to though! I enjoy hearing my neighbour scream at the TV when they concede!

I have a boy who will be 11 in June. He's had a phone for about a year and a half now. For about 6 months or so, he's been meeting his friends in town most Saturdays. They go to the park, go round the shops, go to one another's houses or they go swimming sometimes ( all string swimmers)

He is very confident and outgoing and hasn't really pushed his boundaries. He's not great at remembering to text me where he us, but that's more because he gets caught up in having fun. At least half of the group that meet are girls. They're in Year 6.

Personally, I think kids need to be allowed a certain amount of freedom, with whatever boundaries you feel are appropriate as parents. That's not to say tell your daughter to start wearing make up and buy her an iPhone, but perhaps some independence could be encouraged.

When ds was 10 (he's now 18) he was allowed to start catching the bus into town with friends to go shopping. This was Year 6. Town is 10.miles away. They were fine. But some children aren't ready for that at 10. He didn't have his own phone but we had a spare cheap PAYG mobile that we used to lend him when he went out. He'd already been going to the park etc with friends for a while. He walked to school alone in Year 5 and 6.

You sound a bit over protective, OP. Maybe try giving your dd a bit more freedom?

I got my phone at 10 , could bike alone ( though did break my arm), and could go to various places within a 10 min walk from the house. I didn't have social media, mum would occasionally let me wear mascara and I wasn't allowed into town etc. This was 12 years ago so maybe outdated - but she's 10 not 15 and she's your child so it's your decision .

My DD is 10 (yr5) she stays home alone for short periods (upto an hour). She plays with her friend who lives around the corner and is allowed to go to the shop which is a 2 minute walk from the house.

I have a younger ds so I take and pick them up from school, but she will walk to her own building from the car and walk over to meet me at ds building at pick up. One day a week ds does an after school activity, so this term on that day she will walk and meet me at a park very close to the school.

We have built this independence up slowly and you can't keep them wrapped up in cotton wool forever. OP start small but you do need to start teaching independence.

Agree with pp over first phones as I got mine in 1999 when they first came out and I was 21 and it was a brick the colour of green sludge! How on earth did we survive our teenage years without one?

( so much easier without in my opinion )

Anyway back to the op, ten was the age where I really started giving ds some freedom and independence, he's 14 now.

I was aware that secondary school was approaching with the likelihood of travelling and did not want him struggling.
Most swimming pools allow dc from age 8 and that was one thing i did allow, under 5 minutes walk, no roads and ds was a good swimmer.

I have a niece who is now 12 and her mum has wrapped her up in cotton wool and she has no clue about the outside world, secondary school has been a real eye opener for her, she is rebelling, she is super bright and I worry that her behaviour will affect her schooling further down the line.
Her behaviour is nothing exceptional for a 12 year old in that her expectations are not high but her parents refuse to allow her to most events socially and this impacts their home life, I think it's sad.

My own dd is still only 6 but I know she will be given the same level of freedom her brother has had, possibly more as she is much more clued up than he was, we shall see.
There is no right or wrong answer of course.

Why does a ten year old need a phone? From what I can see, it's so that they can send hundreds of emojis of poos and unicorns to their friends.

My ten year old has a phone (closely supervised) and is allowed out to meet her friends who live within about a quarter of a mile from us, either on foot or on her bike. I wouldn't allow her to go swimming without an adult but that's because she is not a competent swimmer. And she wouldn't want to go anyway, for that reason. She is allowed to walk to and from school with a friend.

She absolutely does not want to be left home whilst I go to the shop, she won't even sit in the car alone in the car park whilst I go in. She won't go to the toilet alone in a public place. I am working on persuading her to do these things. It's only recently that I have managed to persuade her to eg go down a different aisle in the supermarket to get something for me, as until the past couple of months she wouldn't let me out of her sight.

I think I would worry a bit tbh, she sounds like she is lacking confidence, giving her more independence can really help build confidence.

Where I live, most just 10 year olds are still taken to/from school by their parents and I've never seen any in the shops/parks alone. Don't know any who have phones either.

Clearly we're a town of socially backward people

My dd turned 10 a couple of months ago - yr 5 at school. The kind of freedom you described is generally reserved for the end of yr 6 round here. I'm happy to leave dd at home alone or with her 13 yo sister but don't let her go into town etc alone, mainly because I'm not confident about her road sense. We'll be working on that before high school but there's 18 months to go so no rush as yet.

She has a phone (recent thing) is very tech savvy but doesn't wear make up. She's recently discovered selfies but only because of those filters where she can turn herself into a dancing bee or something. She's not going all duckface. (unless it was an actual duck)