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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to shout/scream at DS(10) that he's a "spoilt, horrible brat" twice in last 24 hours

189 replies

Tablelegtiger · 24/04/2017 20:51

Ok, I know IABU. Its not good parenting and a horrible thing to do and i now feel really awful but just don't know what to do with him. I pulled his hair in anger and frustration yesterday. What do you do when you love a DC very much but you are starting to hate the way they behave? His behaviour is making me feel v angry of late (and DH), too much to go through here but just being a horrible kid really. Lying, being really ungrateful for everything we do for him, being sarcastic and cheeky, doing sweet FA to contribute to household helping etc. I was expecting some of this at 17 but not 10. We've tried rewards for good behaviour, incentives etc. Its really making me feel down and a shit parent and I can't bear the thought that this is the start of a downhill relationship with him and the lovely little boy we had is slipping away. We have another younger DC who is witnessing this too and often suffers consequences (eg being made late for school due to morning 'episodes' with his brother).

OP posts:
firstnightwemet · 24/04/2017 20:53

You pulled his hair? Shock

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 24/04/2017 20:53

You pulled your 10 year olds hair?
You are being massively unreasonable. How do you expect him to know right from wrong and how to act when this is how you act?

I think your behaviour is pretty disgusting

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 24/04/2017 20:53

Rewards and incentives. .
Have you tried actual punishments and deprivation of tech etc??

SoloDance · 24/04/2017 20:55

You need to stop pulling his hair for a start.

Binglesplodge · 24/04/2017 20:56

I'm sorry, I think you need to seek some help with your parenting and maybe your anger/mental health. I understand his behaviour is frustrating and disruptive but I don't think you'll find anyone here saying it's reasonable to pull your child's hair or scream insults at him. Remember you're his model for how to behave. Please don't teach him that it's OK to treat those smaller or weaker than you in that way.

haveacupoftea · 24/04/2017 20:56

Christ that's awful, poor lad. Is something bothering him? Is he being bullied at school? Kids do tend to push boundaries at that age but your behaviour is worse. Far worse.

DearMrDilkington · 24/04/2017 20:58

Poor kid. Why should he respect someone that screams at him and pulls his hair?

Sort it out before social services sort it first.

StandardNameHere · 24/04/2017 20:59

You pulled his hair? You lost me at that.
Maybe he's acting up because his parents are acting pretty shite towards him

WorraLiberty · 24/04/2017 20:59

As much as I can tell you're stressed to the eyeballs, everything you've described is pretty normal childish behaviour.

Why did you pull his hair?

What steps have you put in place to stop you hurting him again?

Whatthefudger · 24/04/2017 20:59

I've got one of those. I mean arsey 10 year olds. I swear it's a barrage of hormones. You seriously need to keep calm. You getting worked up screaming and shouting isn't teaching him a thing. We've just been calm, dealt with the behaviour and moved on. It seems to be working

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 24/04/2017 21:00

I think if he is 10 and you are getting physical with each other then group therapy would be a good idea. I would all write some house rules for EVERYONE to stick to and but it on the fridge. Go and see your GP for advice. You aren't alone. You clearly love your son but what you are doing isn't working and you need some help before its too late.

GinIsIn · 24/04/2017 21:00

You scream in his face, pull his hair and wonder where he learned 'horrible behaviour'?! What's wrong with you??

PidgeonPodge · 24/04/2017 21:00

You need to do a parenting course, there are some really good ones out there.

It's pretty obvious to see where his behaviour is stemming from. hint incase you didn't get it, it's you

You're behaviour is completely unacceptable for an adult.

TheWitTank · 24/04/2017 21:00

What the fuck?! You pulled his hair?! I understand your frustration at his behaviour but you can't do that!

KindleBueno · 24/04/2017 21:01

Usually I disagree with posters all lamping in with the same answer but you need told how disgraceful pulling a child's hair is. Utterly disgusting behaviour

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 24/04/2017 21:01

I can't get over you pulling his hair?
What would you do to him if he had done it to you or your younger DC? He probably thinks that pulling hair is now a reasonable way to deal with his anger.

You need to seek help with your anger and get parenting classes

OscartheWildebeest · 24/04/2017 21:01

Don't tell him he's spoilt and a brat too often- it might be different for your boy but for me I always remembered it and it ate me up inside. She only told me I was two or three times but I lay there overanalyzing everything I did trying to be a perfect child and berating myself when I wasn't. I'm not saying he'll be the same- I was quite an anxious child mind. It does sound like your situation is hard though xx

Original poster
Tablelegtiger · 24/04/2017 21:01

I've posted this because I already KNOW its awful behaviour (by me). I'm hoping for something helpful from others who may have experienced similar difficulties and finding parenting challenging. I don't need a load of judgemental "I would never dream of doing that to my precious DC" MNetters to tell what I already know - that I am failing at the moment in my parenting. How is telling me I'm disgusting going to be helpful?

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 24/04/2017 21:02

I totally understand that you're frustrated with his behaviour but bloody hell, he must be miserable if that's how you are treating him. I have a child the same age, I know it's not a walk in the park, but you need to change your own behaviour before you worry about his. He has immaturity as an excuse, you are meant to be the adult.

NoCapes · 24/04/2017 21:02
Shock
treaclesoda · 24/04/2017 21:03

Ok. So is his behaviour sudden worse? Is something upsetting him? Are there other issues at home? Are you stressed about other stuff and lacking patience with him?

PidgeonPodge · 24/04/2017 21:03

Well you already know it's awful behaviour then.

Stop doing it.

Whatthefudger · 24/04/2017 21:03

But it's not just a parenting issue. It's your issue with self control. You assaulted your child because he was misbehaving. Fuck me I know how vile ten year old boys can be, but lordy

PuntCuffin · 24/04/2017 21:05

My best advice is to ask for this thread to be moved into Parenting. In AIBU, you will just get more shit thrown at you, not the support and advice you obviously need.

And before anyone jumps on me, I am not defending OP's behaviour.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 24/04/2017 21:05

How is telling me I'm disgusting going to be helpful?

How is pulling your 10yr olds hair helpful towards horrible behaviour?
People have told you what you need to do. You need to seek help for your anger and also a parenting class.

If this thread was about a guy hitting his partner then everyone would be telling the woman to leave. Your DC doesn't have that option so now it's down to YOU to change your behaviour before you can work on his