To think being gentle and having delicate mannerisms doesn't make you emotionally weak

[user1493041907]

I am very elegant and have very delicate mannerisms. I'm warm and friendly but don't come across as 'powerful' or 'commanding'. I am both those things. I am very emotionally strong but I just don't come across that way.

When I used to interview for a primary school teacher positions I was perfect and exactly what they were looking for.

Now I've moved into law, despite excellent work experience all I get told in interviews is that they need someone 'powerful, authoritative and mentally strong'. It's their way of saying I'm not what they're looking for.

My old manager said it's a shame as although I come across as gentle and feminine that does not mean I'm emotionally weak.

AIBU to think just because I'm feminine and gentle, that doesn't mean I'm not emotionally strong, authoritative and assertive.

Why do we consider feminist with weakness?

Thatcher had a feminine charm about her though as it was often said her male associates and colleagues found her charming and attractive. (Yes i'm thinking too!)

EdmundCleverClogs why wouldn't be delicate a positive personality trait? Why, do you think it's a negative personality trait? I don't think you are so clever after all.

Possibly not, though my NN is not a reference to myself just to clarify . As for describing oneself as 'delicate', no I cannot see it as a positive. It suggests fragility and overtly sensitive. As a poster above said, the image of Princess Diana, softly spoken under heavy eyes comes to mind. Of course I'm not suggesting all women should put in some 'bulldog' front to fit into society, but I'd not have much patience for a 'delicate' person regardless of sex.

For me, women such as Emma Watson and Emma Stone are very elegant ladies. I don't think there is a checklist, it's just some people are just very naturally elegant (but they don't say that about themselves

Without wanting to be genuinely contrary, I cannot see how Emma Watson fits into the 'elegant' label - what do you think qualifies her to be so? It's interesting how subjective 'elegance' is.

Definition of delicate;

1 Very fine in texture or structure; of intricate workmanship or quality

2 Easily broken or damaged; fragile.

3 Requiring sensitive or careful handling

Give the OP hasn't actually been offered a job, the interviewers clearly aren't thinking that the first definition of delicate applies to her. So clearly the OP mentioning delicate or whatever else she was on about wasn't given as a compliment or positive attribute.

I think OP probably meant "delicate" as soft features, which some people have, she just used to wrong word. I don't think she meant delicate as in "entitled little princess."

I just always look at Emma Watson and think of her as elegant. Her manner, the way she dresses and the way she carries herself all strike elegance to me.

I think OP probably meant "delicate" as soft features, which some people have, she just used to wrong word. I don't think she meant delicate as in "entitled little princess."

With all due respect, the op actually said they have 'delicate manners', which to me again suggests they are overly quiet and sensitive. Nothing wrong with being quiet and sensitive, but 'delicately' so? A bit overkill.

I just always look at Emma Watson and think of her as elegant. Her manner, the way she dresses and the way she carries herself all strike elegance to me

Ah, so it's a more visual effect? See I find Joanna Lumley 'elegant'. She never seems to age for sure, but she's softly spoken whilst being captivating and articulate. She oozes confidence and knowledge.

She said "delicate mannerisms". How does that mean she has soft features? Mannerisms refers to behaviour.

I would construe delicate mannerisms to mean graceful, softly spoken, gentle. That's just some peoples nature. They aren't always overly sensitive with it.

No it not always visual. Emma Watson has an elegant manner about her and the way she carries herself. Joanna Lumley is also very elegant too I agree (and brilliant!)

Katherine Hepburn and Lauren Bacall were elegant - nothing delicate or passive about them.

I must admit I associate elegant with tall generally, although there are some exceptions. Elegant is not a way I'd describe mannerisms though.

Helen Mirren is also very elegant, but far from a shrinking violet.

Hmm see I always think elegance comes with a certain amount of maturity and life experience. I think it's rather difficult for a young, dressed up actress to be considered as such. EW speaks quite well, but that's down to her education, I rarely find she walks/speaks with a unique or commanding presence. I think elegance is a package that comes with age - but most of us aren't so 'blessed' to ever evolve to such a being (certainly not me, apparently ).

I come across gentle and softly spoken

I am also small, have a voice that can sound child like (often asked on the phone if my parents are around) and do come across a bit scatty if I was blonde no doubt would be called dizzy

So people often do make assumptions and yes it's assumed I am a push over etc I do feel people have tried to bully me at times I am not assertive and I don't like confrontation but I am quietly confident in my own decisions and as I have got older I am able to suss out those that make those assumptions quicker and usually try to avoid them

I see this thread has made it to Mumsnet's Madness on Twitter...

As long as it's not the tabloids, I like this username I don't want to have to change again.

Stand straight and tall, don't simper, don't flutter, use firm hand movements, cock your chin up don't hide, don't wiggle your hips or float, just walk, nod sharply not slowly, grab things with your hands not your fingers.
Feel your strength in the way you stand don't act as though it's in the background waiting but feel it in your movements.
And stop believing your elegance and delicacy is an important part of you if it's holding you back - drink a pint