To think being gentle and having delicate mannerisms doesn't make you emotionally weak

[user1493041907]

I am very elegant and have very delicate mannerisms. I'm warm and friendly but don't come across as 'powerful' or 'commanding'. I am both those things. I am very emotionally strong but I just don't come across that way.

When I used to interview for a primary school teacher positions I was perfect and exactly what they were looking for.

Now I've moved into law, despite excellent work experience all I get told in interviews is that they need someone 'powerful, authoritative and mentally strong'. It's their way of saying I'm not what they're looking for.

My old manager said it's a shame as although I come across as gentle and feminine that does not mean I'm emotionally weak.

AIBU to think just because I'm feminine and gentle, that doesn't mean I'm not emotionally strong, authoritative and assertive.

Why do we consider feminist with weakness?

I think Kate cambridge is quite assertive knows how to talk to people and is hard as nails tbh she does not come over as delicate in her mannerisims at all, look you had feedback they need you to be assertive and direct can you do some assertiveness training.

I have several stunning, stylish friends. I've never known anyone who describes themselves as "very elegant". That is the sort of thing other people say, not what one would ever say about oneself. That is the problem I think.

In the nicest possible way do you think you come across as conceited and smug?

Were you one of those mythical 'whispering' teachers I used to hear about?

I'm a quiet, softly spoken person but I can be a lioness when needed. People often think i'm going to be a pushover then soon learn i'm a strong person who isn't to be walked over.

However, I don't think I could do law though. I mean i'm ok with asserting myself sometimes when needed but would find it exhausting doing it everyday as a job as it goes against my nature. Much like sailing up a stream the wrong way.

Being elegant is something people usually describe someone as rather than describing yourself as. There was a saying which was something like - If you need to describe yourself as elegant or wise, you're usually not. It was something like that anyway. Like people labelling themselves as a "white witch".. Again a "white witch" is usually something people describe someone as rather than them giving themselves that label... but that's a whole other thread!

SirVixofVixHall I agree. I've never ever heard anyone describe themselves as very elegant. That the OP has done this must surely indicate that she communicates with people in a very unusual way. That is the crux of the matter I'm sure.

In the nicest possible way do you think you come across as conceited and smug?

immature of me but...

FairNotFair yes, wasn't that said in the most caring dare I say delicate manner? So much so that I could almost swoon on to my fainting couch with the sheer loveliness of it.

Do you also have tiny wee hands and feet, OP? And a silvery voice?

If so, I have a friend like you. She's a successful City analyst. She's terrifying, though.

I haven't read the full thread cos after page 2 I was screaming 'Joanna lumley' at my phone.

Like her op? She naturally speak soft, is I suppose delicate. But also is able to to be very assertive and commands an audience. Can you channel Joanna? Perhaps not in a AbFab way but if the bolly and fags work too...!

I have a fainting couch, IloveBanff. But I have a tapestry screen in front of it, to shield my complexion from the heat of the fire.

MrsJayy, I'm so stealing that and sending it to one of my younger sisters .

Oh now you've made me think of Miranda Richardson as Elizabeth 1 in Blackadder, FairNotFair

Surely no adult woman who has ever had to wipe her own arse or change her own tampon would ever describe themselves as "very elegant with delicate mannerisms"....

Oh oh oh, is this another trans thread - are you actually a big hairy bloke with a completely ridiculous idea of what being a fully grown independent woman is..?

Is your nose as pretty as hers, though, Banff?

I must get a fainting couch. Sounds positively delightful.

I might even buy some smelling salts and a hand fan for effect.

Ok. Now read the full thread and it's now much funnier

Perhaps not in a AbFab way but if the bolly and fags work too...

Always channel Pasty Stone if you want to get ahead in live, darling .

The only colleague I can think of who you would describe as elegant and delicate was considered to be so terrified of life generally that she didn't last that long.

Life even... wish I was on the fags on bolly...

I have a fainting couch, I sit on it cleaning my gun and drinking brandy, one of the joys of living in the US

Oohh a fainting couch i read it as a farting couch