To think being gentle and having delicate mannerisms doesn't make you emotionally weak

[user1493041907]

I am very elegant and have very delicate mannerisms. I'm warm and friendly but don't come across as 'powerful' or 'commanding'. I am both those things. I am very emotionally strong but I just don't come across that way.

When I used to interview for a primary school teacher positions I was perfect and exactly what they were looking for.

Now I've moved into law, despite excellent work experience all I get told in interviews is that they need someone 'powerful, authoritative and mentally strong'. It's their way of saying I'm not what they're looking for.

My old manager said it's a shame as although I come across as gentle and feminine that does not mean I'm emotionally weak.

AIBU to think just because I'm feminine and gentle, that doesn't mean I'm not emotionally strong, authoritative and assertive.

Why do we consider feminist with weakness?

I think I have an inkling. If you have inner strength, determination and drive, then show them.

I know a lovely woman, small, delicate, polite and soft spoken. We hired her because she has iron in her soul. I've seen her control a room of burly, homeless men with a lot of challenges. She had them in the palm of her hand.

You're not showing your strengths.

Also, women don't get hired because of sexism. There's also that.

I've been told in my feedback I need to show more authority and assertiveness. So that's my official feedback. Not my imagination.

Kate Middleton soft?????

You had me up until that.

It usually helps if you look someone in the eye during an interview, rather than gazing at your navel

Yes I may lack energy too. Depends how nervous I get.

I'm being serious. This has been my actual feedback.

I can't think of anyone else I'm remotely similar to in mannerisms.

Your OP and the way you describe yourself conjures up images of a handshake like a limp lettuce, sipping your tea with your little finger sticking out, dabbing delicately at the corner of your mouth with a napkin, and looking at the interviewer from under your lowered eyelids, a la Princess Diana.

Can't see you as a lawyer AT all, sorry.

If you don't believe me, there no need to comment.

I know sheldons that's how I come across unfortunately.

My mannerisms don't affect my competence in the job.

I know what you mean and I can see that it would hold you back. We've got a new staff member- she's very softly spoken and timid. TBH if someone's job is to facilitate mine and/ or advocate on my behalf, th last thing I want to be doing is double guessing whether she's understood (because she doesn't affirm whether she has or ask questions or even make a joke) or worried about whether I'll offend her by asking her to do something.

'I just don't initially present that way and in an interview there's only an hour to present yourself.'

In court or in a legal meeting, there is even less time. I have met many lawyers who were polite and quietly spoken - they could also be bloody terrifying and assertive. Delicacy is not a good tactic in a lawyer- elegance and softly spoken can be.

Oh I know what 'delicate mannerisms' means. Just never heard it being used outside old films with Southern Belles, or some naive lady of leisure from the Victorian age. I have not heard anyone in this era describing themselves as 'delicate' in any way.

The only image "delicate mannerisms" conjures up is a ballerina fluttering her hands.

Kate Middleton soft????? You had me up until that.

I've known people to refer to her as Lady Macbeth

I think Kate Middleton is quite hard faced actually.

It's so difficult. I dont know where I picked my mannerisms up from but my mother is exactly the same. It's no reflection on my personality.

Not her face. Just her mannerisms.

They're put on for show of course. I'm actually like that though.

You couldn't imagine me being angry for example. I stay very calm at all times. Which is a positive and a negative.

Oh I know what 'delicate mannerisms' means. Just never heard it being used outside old films with Southern Belles, or some naive lady of leisure from the Victorian age.

Perhaps the OP appears at interviews in a crinoline and bonnet and says 'Why, fiddle-dee-dee, Ashley Wilkes!'? (Not that Scarlett O'Hara was particularly delicate in her mannerisms.)

I don't see the Kate Middleton thing at all -- she presents as demure and polite, as you'd expect a new princess at public events, but I see her as a quite steely hockey captain type, who'd be very brisk if she thought you were being melodramatic when someone broke your nose on the pitch.

All law is not confrontation. Consider rolls that are more about conciliation/counseling perhaps. I know a marriage mediator who is very zen-like.

I just need to show more assertiveness. No point obsessing over what I'm like now. I just need to know how to be more assertive and commanding.

Anyone have any tips?

Or consider areas where my manner is more desireable. That's a good idea makeoutfortune

I have been applying for the wrong roles I think.

You just said you were not assertive though? Do you know what assertiveness is?

I don't immediately present as assertive or show assertiveness.

When I need to be I certainly am. I need to know how to show that.

When you say you're very elegant etc. what are you doing that other women don't do, meaning that they are not very elegant etc.?