To think being gentle and having delicate mannerisms doesn't make you emotionally weak

[user1493041907]

I am very elegant and have very delicate mannerisms. I'm warm and friendly but don't come across as 'powerful' or 'commanding'. I am both those things. I am very emotionally strong but I just don't come across that way.

When I used to interview for a primary school teacher positions I was perfect and exactly what they were looking for.

Now I've moved into law, despite excellent work experience all I get told in interviews is that they need someone 'powerful, authoritative and mentally strong'. It's their way of saying I'm not what they're looking for.

My old manager said it's a shame as although I come across as gentle and feminine that does not mean I'm emotionally weak.

AIBU to think just because I'm feminine and gentle, that doesn't mean I'm not emotionally strong, authoritative and assertive.

Why do we consider feminist with weakness?

well you're probably not reading anymore, but anyway here's 2 tips:

1. don't move too much. weird but the less you move and the stiller you are the more power people perceive you to have.

1. don't be chatty. let other people be chatty.

MrsJayy - you won't win the prize for elegant daintiness with that sort of attitude

im going to ask for this thread to be removed now as it's not going anywhere

I respectfully disagree. This thread is excellent. I salute you.

You are clearly delicate bell-like Verity from The Chalet School and I claim my five pounds.

Or, you know, the man thing. You could be that, too.

I have loosened my corset and am
Sat on my couch farting.

fair with

OP what stage are you at in your training? Also what type of work are you looking for? I'm in a legal office where most colleagues are quietly clever and mild mannered. It depends what you are looking to do.

In any job where you deal with the public or people who don't know you well, particularly where you have to explain things or argue a case or inspire confidence in others, appearing assertive and confident absolutely does have a bearing on your ability to do the job.

Take being a doctor - you may have all the knowledge in the world, but if you can't handle patients and get them to follow your advice, it's no use whatsoever.

Body language can do a lot. Sit up straight, be alert, talk confidently and believe what you say

FairNotFair "Is your nose as pretty as hers, though, Banff?"

Well, it's not for me to say. Unlike the OP I don't go in for self-praise. Here's a photo of me so you can judge for yourself.
Please don't get jealous!

Elegance doesn't undermine authority or assertiveness, so I am a bit confused about the reference to it.

I know a very elegant male lawyer, who speaks softly, is undemonstrative and well mannered in a plesant, old-fashioned way. He is also quite fearsome when necessary. It is entirely possible to be assertive without being in any way uncouth, OP, if that is what is putting you off changing your style.

This like 20 questions now.

Op, are you Miss Flora Diesearly from Bleak Expectations?

ADissapearimg yes my love she needs to copy Tom Gay Mary Lou and of course Joey herself. They had loud clarion calls.

Op is copying her step mother and is a sweet woman

A tender goddess, Banff!

Or Fanny Price?

Id have thought you would need to be hard as nails to be a primary school teacher

ilove your nose is tolerable but wear bigger hats in the summer my love as you are looking sun tanned and freckly and that's course and unwomanly.

Life even... wish I was on the fags on bolly...

Why don't you enrol in some acting classes, OP? Then maybe you could learn how to assume to sort of mannerisms your chosen profession expects.

Batgirlspants many thanks for your advice re. protecting my skin from the sun, but tbh that is rather an old photo taken when I still had the bloom of youth. I am somewhat paler of complexion these days, having discovered SPF50 and the big 'ats you suggested.
The last thing I would want to be is coarse and unwomanly!

Good good and no chasing after the militia either dear remember poor Lydia.

A girl can never be too careful of her reputation.

Militia?! Where??

Hussy.

Mighty, you have got Scarlett O'Hara confused with a different literary character! I hate to see a good character likened to Duchess thingy, or any Royal for that matter.

Delicate OP, are you there??