To think being gentle and having delicate mannerisms doesn't make you emotionally weak

[user1493041907]

I am very elegant and have very delicate mannerisms. I'm warm and friendly but don't come across as 'powerful' or 'commanding'. I am both those things. I am very emotionally strong but I just don't come across that way.

When I used to interview for a primary school teacher positions I was perfect and exactly what they were looking for.

Now I've moved into law, despite excellent work experience all I get told in interviews is that they need someone 'powerful, authoritative and mentally strong'. It's their way of saying I'm not what they're looking for.

My old manager said it's a shame as although I come across as gentle and feminine that does not mean I'm emotionally weak.

AIBU to think just because I'm feminine and gentle, that doesn't mean I'm not emotionally strong, authoritative and assertive.

Why do we consider feminist with weakness?

NoMudNoLotus2 so you see the op has been rather ridiculous, but are berating those who are being silly? Even though the op is long gone and this thread was never going to be serious/stay up? Did you expect serious replies to that opening post, honestly?

I think the OP realised she's made a mistake and left the thread. A lot of posters who write OPs the wrong way end up with themselves in hot water/digging hole for themselves on threads when other posters start mocking etc. She did the right thing in leaving the thread and asking her question in a different way elsewhere.

For some posters to then follow and mock on another thread was childish. I'd stick up for someone being "ganged up on" (to use playground terms) or mocked in rl so i'll do the same online.

Chipped "Gold I only read MN whilst studying or on public transport"

Studying contemporary social media I take it?

I'm amazed I haven't seen anyone reading the same thread yet while on the bus...it's bound to happen sometime I'm sure!

I disagree the op was 'ganged up' on. There was a certain amount of goady behaviour in the op and people responded. To run off and start another thread purely on the bases they didn't get the answers they wanted here was childish. They could have at least recognised how smug they were coming over on here before flouncing, and appreciative of those who'd actually taken time to answer instead of dismissing all responses as not good enough.

This thread descended into silliness after the op left.

Maybe she'll complain through the medium of dance

Now that I would like to see, Banff.

I have a fainting couch, I sit on it cleaning my gun and drinking brandy

Loup

[grin[

Blanche DuBois has left the Glass Menagerie!

Got rejections all the time for this reason as a flight attendant. At my last interview I was about to hear it all again and before they could say it to me, I put both my hands on the table, stood up, and said in my firmest voice, "just because I am nice does not mean I am not strong. I challenge anyone to have experienced what I've experienced, and I have No trouble scaring troublemakers shirtless." instead of asking me to leave, the head interviewer sat back in her seat and said, "Bravo. I knew you had it in you."

I agree with drama/voice for you OP!

delete above as obviously no longer relevant as MN user looking for reassurance been scared off.

islanderin

I hope you then challenged them to an arm-wrestling match! Or rolled up your sleeves and invited them to come and have a go if they thought they were hard enough!

You should never go by appearances.

One of the most terrifying teachers I ever had in secondary school was less than five feet tall, weighs abut 6 stones dripping wet, and had six-foot tall troublemaking teenager toughs peeing themselves with fright!

I've just read a book that reminds me of your issue. It's called 'Quiet' by Susan Cain. It looks at how people can be strong and assertive in different ways. It's not always bounding into a room, firm handshakes all round and training yourself to act like an alpha personality but it does highlight how society has come to expect this behaviour in certain jobs and how we are losing the important skills that others may bring to those roles in a different way. A very interesting read and on Kindle quite cheap at the mo.

Scarlett was the ultimate feminist.

Mammy might feel a little differently....

/intersect

makeourfuture that's what I thought.

Plus I can't get past the Carol Burnett comedy routine of Scarlett emerging down the staircase wearing the curtains as he big dress (curtain rod and all) - that was so funny.

I must have a highly attuned wank fodder radar.

I do wish MN would be honest and write s deletion message: "We are deleting this as it suspiciously resembles wank fodder."

Indigo

I totally get what OP wrote but perhaps she didn't word it right so some people misunderstood her. Yes, if you are generally gentle and feminine people think you can't be a force of nature. They kind of underestimate you. And then they are in for a big surprise. It's like a trap they are too blind to see. Silly humans, says I.

Some women REALLY don't like when another woman says something positive about herself do they.

Absolutely nothing wrong with saying you have delicate mannerisms. Particularly if that's something you've been told your whole life.

Some women think other women should be hard and negative on themselves which is worrying.

The OP was only describing herself as she was struggling in interviews. I also struggle in interviews and completely understand as I am quite mild mannered too.

I think there's a lot of women on here who are feeling defensive because they're anything but elegant!

I have never met a person who would think a description of 'delicate' is a positive personality trait . Of course, I'm just one of the silly jealous ones, so my opinion doesn't count....

As for being 'anything but elegant', last I checked, that wasn't a requirement of femininity. What would you define as an 'elegant' person, Gummybear1989? Is there a checklist we should adhere to?

As for being determined all women should be negative, no not at all. I'd rather them (and men), not be so smug in their self descriptions, especially comparing themselves to royalty. Making sweeping statements about other people when they dare not agree with the original person is not exactly what I expect of other people either. There are always some arm chair psychologist who determines that others must just be miserable people not to be in awe of someone's self-described wonderful personality.

Yes the OP did word this very strangely, but there is a general issue of whether women have to be more masculine than men in work, as per Margaret Thatcher or whether they are allowed to be feminine as per Mary Robinson.

Describing yourself as "very elegant" and having "very delicate mannerisims" and attributing that to why you can't get a job is actually just admitting that you come across as incompetent.

For me, women such as Emma Watson and Emma Stone are very elegant ladies. I don't think there is a checklist, it's just some people are just very naturally elegant (but they don't say that about themselves)

I've met Mary Robinson, she wasn't feminine.

EdmundCleverClogs why wouldn't be delicate a positive personality trait? Why, do you think it's a negative personality trait? I don't think you are so clever after all.

She certainly isn't hard-edged and ultra masculine like the Thatcher