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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House/kids/marriage - in what order?!

198 replies

Jaimejaime · 19/04/2017 21:48

Which should come first?! Confused

DP is 32 and I am 23. We are engaged and currently live in a rented property where we have been for 3 years. We have enough money saved for a deposit on a house and with our combined salaries can afford a nice family home. However, this will mean using every last penny of our savings up... meaning a wedding would have to be quite some way away. We are also keen to have a nice long honeymoon together.

In addition, we are keen to start a family relatively soon (I always hoped to have my first by 25 and be married first) which is also going to cost us not only in purchasing all the necessaries but we would like to have some money saved up to make up for my maternity leave etc.

There is no way we can afford to do all 3 at this moment in time so I'm wondering how you all did things and how it worked out for you?!

OP posts:
SomethingBorrowed · 19/04/2017 21:52

Wedding - enjoyed it carefree, spending lots as no commitment such as mortgage or children.
Then some time to work while still childfree and save for House
Then Children

Worked for us!

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 19/04/2017 21:53

We did house first, then kids and we are not married.

We have a far nicer home than many of our peers the same age because we haven't wasted £10k on a party Grin and consequently have had lots of nice holidays while people are paying off wedding debt.

We are now waiting till dd is a good age for exploring and will take an extended family backpacking wedding and honeymoon eventually.

mrsalways · 19/04/2017 21:55

Hey, I was quite lucky my then boyfriend now husband already has his own house, (he bought with his ex) we were together for 2 years then I moved in. We then had our son in oct 2013 and got married in August 2015, we've just had a baby girl last December an are celebrating 8 years this year. Whatever order doesn't really matter as long as your happy with each other, but I think having your own home makes it more secure xx

MrsCharlieD · 19/04/2017 21:55

We lived together in a rented property, got married and had an amazing honeymoon and then 4 years later we fell pregnant. We finally bought our first home then when ds was 1. It was important to me to be married before having children. I wish we could have done house, marriage then baby but it took us ages to save a deposit so not kuchen choice in that really. We got there in the end though and now we're expecting dc2.

UppityHumpty · 19/04/2017 21:56

House, marriage, kids makes sense tbh.

FlouncingInTheRain · 19/04/2017 21:56

A wedding is going to give you legal protection re split finances and children. It only needs to cost about £100.

I'd do cheap wedding, house, children.

Allthewaves · 19/04/2017 21:56

Wedding first - we kept it small and reasonable. House 2 years later then first child so I was 28. It was important to me to be married, then we saved up more and brought our home - decorated it how we wanted and had some nice holidays. Then we went in for our first child when we had saved again.

Shortdarkandfeisty · 19/04/2017 21:57

House, lovely but cheap wedding, honeymoon then children
Or get pregnant on honeymoon

Allthewaves · 19/04/2017 21:58

Our wedding was 4k all in and very traditional

AyeAyeFishyPie · 19/04/2017 21:59

Cheap wedding, house and then (God willing) children.

Obsidian77 · 19/04/2017 21:59

Why do you hope to have your first by 25?
I'm not saying that's wrong, just that it might be helpful to question your assumptions if they are forcing your timetable.

SparklyLeprechaun · 19/04/2017 22:01

marriage, house soon after, kids a few good years down the line (but that was more due to nature rather than planning)
Marriage didn't involve a wedding. It worked out well for us, by the time the kids came we were almost mortgage free.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 19/04/2017 22:03

25 seems very young as a "must have a child now" when you don't ahve much else sorted. (You aren't married, you haven't bought a house and can't do both in the next 2 years).

I would go married, house, kids. But take your deadline for first pregnancy to closer to 28/29 to give you time to do the other things first., unless there's some reason to have DCs so young.

MadameMaxGoesler · 19/04/2017 22:04

We got married first, but both had our own flats already. Husband sold his, we lived in mine for a bit and then bought a house. Didn't have our first child until we'd been married for 9 years. I was 38.

ememem84 · 19/04/2017 22:04

We did engaged house married now after 6 years married baby due in sept.

Tumtitum · 19/04/2017 22:05

We did marriage, house (bought whilst pregnant). It was always important to me to be married before children and then house seemed very important once baby was on the way!! I would advise my daughter never to buy before marriage as I have seen it go very wrong for friends who have bought before marriage then split up and having a house together has really dragged things out (DH also owns a property with his ex and we are now having to buy him out of it!! Angry)

InvisibleKittenAttack · 19/04/2017 22:05

oh if you can, buy before DCs, its easier to get a mortgage with 2 full time incomes and no dependents, just make sure it's affordable on one wage if possible to give yourselves options.

You have the luxury of planning.

frums · 19/04/2017 22:05

Depends what you want from life. Weddings never featured high on my list of dreams, babies did but so did travel and career. We did:
Career and fun with friends, lots of travel
House
Baby 1and back to career
Wedding
Baby 2 and back to career
Baby 3 and back to career
Baby 4 and back to career
Honeymoon!

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 19/04/2017 22:06

25 might seem young to you but there's also DP's age to.consider. I'd rather be a relatively young parent than an old one.

Original poster
Jaimejaime · 19/04/2017 22:07

To be honest there is no specific reason why I would like to have my first baby by the time I'm 25, but it's just always felt like a reasonable age to start a family for us. I know there is no right or wrong time by any means but I feel that if I can have my family complete by the time I'm 30, whilst I'm still full of energy and able to run around, I'll be happy with that!

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 19/04/2017 22:08

Live together, marriage, children. Buy a house whenever, probably easier pre-children. I wouldn't spend my house deposit on a wedding.

catx1606 · 19/04/2017 22:08

I would say wedding, house then children. I have always felt very strongly about being married when I have children and luckily that's how it's worked for me. Weddings don't have to be expensive, it's all the fuss around the marriage ceremony itself that costs the money. You could always have a cheap wedding now then spend more on renewing your vows further down the line.

catx1606 · 19/04/2017 22:08

I would say wedding, house then children. I have always felt very strongly about being married when I have children and luckily that's how it's worked for me. Weddings don't have to be expensive, it's all the fuss around the marriage ceremony itself that costs the money. You could always have a cheap wedding now then spend more on renewing your vows further down the line.

gleam · 19/04/2017 22:08

Wedding, house, children.

Don't underestimate the protection being married gives you.

I had my first at 34 and wish I'd waited a little longer for another couple of holidays! I found I didn't relax on holiday until the youngest was about 7. Ten years of non-relaxing holidays, unless they were asleep.

razzledazzel · 19/04/2017 22:08

We did 1st child while renting as couldn't get a mortgage, marriage, house then 2nd child.

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