Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House/kids/marriage - in what order?!

198 replies

Jaimejaime · 19/04/2017 21:48

Which should come first?! Confused

DP is 32 and I am 23. We are engaged and currently live in a rented property where we have been for 3 years. We have enough money saved for a deposit on a house and with our combined salaries can afford a nice family home. However, this will mean using every last penny of our savings up... meaning a wedding would have to be quite some way away. We are also keen to have a nice long honeymoon together.

In addition, we are keen to start a family relatively soon (I always hoped to have my first by 25 and be married first) which is also going to cost us not only in purchasing all the necessaries but we would like to have some money saved up to make up for my maternity leave etc.

There is no way we can afford to do all 3 at this moment in time so I'm wondering how you all did things and how it worked out for you?!

OP posts:
witsender · 20/04/2017 12:50

We both owned separately, and I moved in with him renting mine out. We then did marriage then kids in fairly quick succession. It's a very personal thing, but I wouldn't have wanted to get married or make the subsequent career choices I did without having been married.

PuckeredAhole · 20/04/2017 12:53

House buy, marriage, kids is what we did.

swimmerforlife · 20/04/2017 12:53

House, wedding, baby.

I met DH when I was 23, bought house at 26 and then got married at 29, baby came at 31 and second at 34. We eloped so that saved a few pounds as we only had to pay for our honeymoon.

Wedding wasn't that important too me but the marriage was.

Bluebell28 · 20/04/2017 12:54

A good husband then house then kids unless you're getting past 35 then I would do the kids before the house.

Mrsglitterfairy · 20/04/2017 13:05

We went against the traditional grain and had kids first, then got married and still rent our house. I suppose it's about what's most important to you both. We always wanted to be quite young when we had kids and for various reasons that I won't go into, we had to wait until 2016 to get married but I didn't want to wait to have kids.

Sunnymeg · 20/04/2017 13:08

We saved for the house and wedding at the same time, but we got married years ago when everyone did it that way. Picked the house keys up six weeks before the wedding, family arrived afterwards, which again was the expected way of doing things.

Happyhippy45 · 20/04/2017 13:14

Engaged (used wedding rings) pregnant, panicked, bought house, had baby, had another one, got married in registrars, moved to USA for 10 years......I think that was our honeymoon.
I was 23 and dh 32 when dd born......

NotReallyMeToday · 20/04/2017 14:24

House, marriage, kids. We wanted the first two to be in place pre-kids, but decided house was the non-negotiable and so focused on that.

Marriage and kids were v close together though - I had a tiny wedding when I was already pregnant Grin

Sixgeese · 20/04/2017 14:35

I did house, marriage, kids.

DH lived know in my house after we got married while we sold his flat, then we sold my house and bought a family home together mortgage free using the equity from both properties. DC 1 was born the same month we competed on our home.

We were very lucky as we both bought when property prices were low, sold when they were high and my parents paid for our wedding.

MyLittleBoyBlue · 20/04/2017 14:42

We had our own houses when we met so sold and moved in together first (after 2 years) then got married 2 years after that.
We tried for kids from the moment we moved in together (I was 26) but sadly we had huge fertility issues so that didn't happen for 9 years.
With that in mind I'd get started on the baby making first if I were you.

pilates · 20/04/2017 14:49

Wedding
House
Babies

Jooni · 20/04/2017 14:54

We did student wedding then kids soon afterwards. House won't be happening for a loooong time now!

Smiler2013 · 20/04/2017 16:45

We were bit back to front, my husband (boyfriend then) owned his flat, I moved in, we had a baby, booked wedding...cancelled wedding, fell pregnant again then got married we are renting just now till we save for deposit for family home. We will get there eventually 🙏🏻😁

HolditFinger · 20/04/2017 16:50

I'd been married nine years before DD came along and we were only in a position to buy a house 3 years ago. I wasn't in any hurry to have kids, but have always been adamant that if I did, I wanted to be happily married first.

If I'd been sensible when I was young, I'd have saved and bought a small house when they were still £25K, but hindsight is a wonderful thing!

TiredMumToTwo · 20/04/2017 16:51

In an ideal world I would do: house, marriage, kids. I did this first time round. Second time round I did: kid, marriage & am still renting but had biological clock to contend with & paid for everything ourselves.

Viewofhedges · 20/04/2017 16:59

We did house, marriage, and couldn't have kids. It's not a given.

I agree with PPs who say a wedding doesn't have to be expensive. Ours was mid-sized at 5k all in and we had a fabulous time. Being married was and is what was most important.

If you get a house before you marry, make a will which reflects your intentions now and your intentions after you marry. Your solicitor will explain. This will help protect both of you. Life insurance with each other as named beneficiary also if you're buying a house. And get named on each other's pensions, too. Boring but important!

GreyBird84 · 20/04/2017 17:06

House marriage kids here.
We were engaged before buying our first home, we wouldn't have bought without some sort of future final commitment in the pipeline however I know a mortgage is seen as a very long commitment too!

NerdyBird · 20/04/2017 17:19

We did kid, house, marriage (well, wedding is in 3 weeks!).
We did it that way because I was 35 when we met and DP 38. We needed to crack on with ttc!
We agreed that we would get married quite early on so I guess we were engaged even though we didn't tell anyone.
We both had properties of our own to help with buying our place together, and we are having a small simple wedding with some of the money we have left over from buying the house.
At your age I would probably do: house, quick wedding and honeymoon/travel then kids. It will be easier to get a mortgage if you have two incomes and no childcare costs or mat leave to take into account. You can always have a celebration for your marriage afterwards, lots of people do that.

TheABC · 20/04/2017 17:49

I would say house, cheap wedding (get married abroad?) and then kids. I would put off having kids for a year or two as they are hard work and expensive (in terms of childcare at least). Enjoy your time with your DH - it's something you won't regret.

MiniMaxi · 20/04/2017 17:51

We did house, marriage, kids - I don't personally think the kids / marriage order matters but having your own home is a good starting point

BackforGood · 20/04/2017 18:09

House
Wedding
Baby

If you can afford to start on the housing market, then every month you will be paying down your mortgage rather than paying probably more in rent to pay off someone else's mortgage. If you can afford it, then it makes no sense to me whatsoever to rent, unless there is a plan to go off traveling in 6 months time for a year or something.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 20/04/2017 18:14

We did marriage, bought flat, baby, then moved again into a house when baby was 7 weeks old.

When we got married (21 and 23 in 2012) we assumed buying a property would be a looooong way away, and kids would come along whenever. We had a savings plan that in theory meant we would have saved a deposit up in 8 years. So it was far off and not a priority for us. As it happens we ended up buying a flat in 2013.

I had DS when I was 25 OP - fabulous age! Wonderful plan. When DS is 25 I'll only be a sprightly 50!! I wanted my first by 26. I'd deffo prioritise kids over a house, they are just the absolute best. Now due my second who should arrive just before I turn 28 :)

BendydickCuminsnatch · 20/04/2017 18:20

Oops we actually got married at 22 and 24 in 2012! Details details.

DeliciouslyHella · 20/04/2017 18:28

Marriage, house, baby.

I doubt DH would've wanted to get married if we had owned a house. I wouldn't have wanted children without the protection marriage offers.

Minniemagoo · 20/04/2017 18:33

You mentioned you'd like a long honeymoon which doesn't sound financially feasible with everything else.
I'd suggest looong holiday (3 months), then save for house, then wedding, then kids. Travelling as a couple while young os a very worthwhile life experience.
Plenty of time for kids.