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Original poster

House/kids/marriage - in what order?!

198 replies

Jaimejaime · 19/04/2017 21:48

Which should come first?! Confused

DP is 32 and I am 23. We are engaged and currently live in a rented property where we have been for 3 years. We have enough money saved for a deposit on a house and with our combined salaries can afford a nice family home. However, this will mean using every last penny of our savings up... meaning a wedding would have to be quite some way away. We are also keen to have a nice long honeymoon together.

In addition, we are keen to start a family relatively soon (I always hoped to have my first by 25 and be married first) which is also going to cost us not only in purchasing all the necessaries but we would like to have some money saved up to make up for my maternity leave etc.

There is no way we can afford to do all 3 at this moment in time so I'm wondering how you all did things and how it worked out for you?!

OP posts:
SparklyUnicornPoo · 20/04/2017 01:15

kids, house then marriage.

we had talked about marriage earlier but having had DC together that was more of a commitment than a wedding so we decided the house was more important, we hadn't talked about DC before I found out I was expecting DD though, had we planned I think I would have gone with house first, then kids.

Tiggerific1984 · 20/04/2017 01:43

I got married at 25 and thought kids would come after that. Was then told I couldn't have any. Split from my husband at 29.

My partner moved in with me in Feb 2016 and I was 31. One month later I was pregnant. I wasn't even divorced yet.

And right now he still isn't divorced although it's in the process and his ex wife has a new partner too.

So timelines are never right. Do what makes you happy in whatever order.

Batghee · 20/04/2017 02:17

lol ive done it completely backwards.... kids then marriage.... no sign of a house yet haha

I didnt intend to even begin to think about kids until i was 30 but then i got pregnant by accident in my 20s and actually im v glad that happened now. I do think theres something to be said for having kids sooner rather than later if you feel up to it! You have more energy to give to them as young children but also after they have grown you still have some energy left to enjoy your life as an individual or couple again!

AmberLin · 20/04/2017 03:32

Married at 23. Divorced 3 years later. Married again at 29, first baby at 30, lived rented for 2 years and have now bought our first home. Our wedding was relatively cheap (about 4K all in). We only bought when we had minimum 10% deposit and the price and property were right.

iogo · 20/04/2017 03:35

We did house (but we were engaged, moved in 6 months before the wing), marriage, kids.

FairytalesAreBullshit · 20/04/2017 03:58

It's an individual thing, there is no prescribed way. I think I would definitely want to be at least renting before you have a baby or get married, as living with a person is totally different to kipping round there's of a Friday night. But all are big commitments.

MakeItStopNeville · 20/04/2017 04:08

We did kids, and then house the day before we got married. But I'm old and early 40s I wouldn't recommend that if you're 20.

LittleKiwi · 20/04/2017 04:17

We planned to get married, then I got pregnant, tried to plan again, then I got pregnant again and hey guess what - still not married and still in a rental due to our disorganisation and fertility...

But incredibly happy.

Cantseethewoods · 20/04/2017 04:23

If you can afford to buy a house now, do that. I can't see you regretting that decision. You'd be mortgage free by 45, which would be great as can then save for retirement.

You can't buy a house for 100 quid, but you can get married for that, so don't spend your deposit on a wedding- that's just craziness.

Cantseethewoods · 20/04/2017 04:28

For me personally, I bought a flat in London when I was 27 and single. Met Dh, and he also had a flat already. We sold both intending to buy a house with the proceeds. Couldnt find anything we liked, so rented for a year while we looked. Got married during that time. Then moved overseas so never bought the "family home", had DC, then subsequently bought a couple of BTLs.

RasperryInAMelon · 20/04/2017 04:38

House 2014
Engaged 2015
Married 2016
Kids 2016

It was ALOT easier to save for a wedding than we thought (£15k saved in 9 months) with a low mortgage rather than high rent - if we'd done kids before marriage- we'd never have been able to afford to save for a wedding

NiceCuppaTeaAndASitDown · 20/04/2017 06:02

House 2014
Engaged 2015
Married 2016
Kid #1 due 2017

Rasperry is completely right.
We knew we wanted a 25k wedding rather than a quicker, cheaper one and there is no way we could have done things the other way around.

DH's salary is mainly commission based, so the mortgage application was super strict and looked at the last three years of his bank statements and expenditure.

We also found it much easier to save when living in our own home.

If you're less bothered by a big wedding then perhaps do that first though.

Autumnsweater · 20/04/2017 06:13

Use your money for a deposit!!

Married 2012, House 2015, Baby due soon.

We spent less than £2k on our wedding though and about the same on honeymoon (villa in Sicily).

skerrywind · 20/04/2017 06:14

House 1984
Career
Travel
Fun
Married 1985
Divorced 1992
Kids 1997
Sometimes life doesn't run in a straight line.

Mammylamb · 20/04/2017 07:46

We did house, the marriage, then kids. Our wedding was not massively expensive as we were young and didn't have much money. But it was still great x

timeisnotaline · 20/04/2017 07:51

A wedding is because you want to be with this person. A house is when you can afford it. Timing of children is a combination of how you feel about them, career, money and other elements of life (but get married first for legal status.)

Conniedescending · 20/04/2017 07:53

I did kids, house, then marriage but that was how things worked out although we did both have our own flat/ house before I had an unexpected pg. However, did have first at 25!

In your situation I would get the house first - start paying that mortgage and get in the ladder. Then save for wedding ( but have a cheapie - no need to spend a fortune honestly. Then kids

PNGirl · 20/04/2017 07:57

We met at uni at 18/19, bought a house at 22/23, got married at 24/25, bought a bigger house at 27/28, and have finally come round to the idea of children at 31/32. We've spent the last 10 years working full time and going on holiday to places like LA, San Francisco, New York, Florida, Bruges, Amsterdam and Rome.

Full disclosure though; we don't live in an expensive area and had parental help for our wedding. We'd have got married a few years later if not.

Crumbs1 · 20/04/2017 08:04

Wedding, house, children

Screwinthetuna · 20/04/2017 08:06

There is no set way anymore. In the past, it was marriage, house then kids.
We did it the opposite way; kids then marriage (my little girl as my flower girl and my little boy walked me down the aisle) and rented in town in the catchment area of a brilliant school. We got kids in the great school and now are saving for a deposit for our mortgage.
I liked my way best and I don't think my wedding would have been the best day of my life if I didn't share it with my kids :)

KayTee87 · 20/04/2017 08:09

We did house in the June, wedding in the August then dc was born in the July following year but we were financially able to do that.
Do what feels right for you.

londonrach · 20/04/2017 08:11

Wedding even if its cheap before children for the protection it gives. Just being on mn reinforces that!!!

nympthinyellow · 20/04/2017 08:11

We did wedding and house in the same year! (Wedding first but all whilst buying a house!) Was very stressful but also fun and a great feeling of achievement by the end of the year. Spent a couple of years recovering before first child. (Ps my dad paid for our wedding but it was a real DIY family and friends affair which everyone said was more fun and meaningful, you don't have to spend lots!)

Afreshstartplease · 20/04/2017 08:15

Kids first (4 of them), then house

No plans to marry TBH

Janeofalltrades1 · 20/04/2017 08:25

I did house, marriage then kids. All done within 4 years of each other, although we could have the kids sooner but decided to wait for a little bit longer. This order makes sense to me.

We did have a relatively small-ish wedding abroad.

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