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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House/kids/marriage - in what order?!

198 replies

Jaimejaime · 19/04/2017 21:48

Which should come first?! Confused

DP is 32 and I am 23. We are engaged and currently live in a rented property where we have been for 3 years. We have enough money saved for a deposit on a house and with our combined salaries can afford a nice family home. However, this will mean using every last penny of our savings up... meaning a wedding would have to be quite some way away. We are also keen to have a nice long honeymoon together.

In addition, we are keen to start a family relatively soon (I always hoped to have my first by 25 and be married first) which is also going to cost us not only in purchasing all the necessaries but we would like to have some money saved up to make up for my maternity leave etc.

There is no way we can afford to do all 3 at this moment in time so I'm wondering how you all did things and how it worked out for you?!

OP posts:
wavinghello · 19/04/2017 22:55

Got together at uni but just went out for years because we got graduate jobs in different cities and managed a weekend relationship for quite a few years before DH finally followed me south! Moved in together & got engaged for 2 years. Bought a house and got married in the same year. DC1 arrived 4 years later. Definitely easier to buy a house and get married before having children. Children will severely dent your finances. I would prioritise buying a house, have a modest wedding but still go on a great honeymoon. Enjoy some childfree years having a double income - you're young and your DP is hardly decrepit at 32. I was 32 when I had DC1 and my DH was 34, having been together since I was 19.

MrsDarkDestroyer · 19/04/2017 22:56

House at 20, just had ds at 25, wedding next year at 26 after 10 years together. It's worked pretty well for us.

IrregularCommentary · 19/04/2017 22:59

Married at 28, house at 29, baby at 31.

I wouldn't have wanted a baby before marriage as I wanted that protection before maternity leave etc, but it's all personal choice.

Coastalcommand · 19/04/2017 23:01

House, married then baby for us. But we were together six years (engaged for four) before we even did that.

Imaginosity · 19/04/2017 23:02

We've done kids, house

No interest at all in marriage but guess we'll have to make it official in the most basic ceremony at a registration office for all the boring tax and inheritance reasons!

Melfish · 19/04/2017 23:03

my mother's line of questioning from when I graduated was when will you get married/buy a house/have children in that order. It worked out marriage, child, house. House prices horrendous on our poxy wages so we needed a bit longer to sort that part out.
You are only 23- go out and see the world (or even other parts of the UK). I was about 5 years older than you when I got married- wish I'd spent that time seeing a bit more of the world rather than the inside of various pubs, but hey ho!

ttcnovice · 19/04/2017 23:04

We did house first then wedding, and now are TTC our first DC. We probably could have bought a bigger house if we'd waited to get married (so 4 bedroom rather than the 3 we have) but it was important to us both to be married before we had DC.

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 19/04/2017 23:05

House before I met DP at 27 but bought my first with ex at 24.

We aren't married and have two children but we are bursting at the seams of my very small 3 bed semi. It is manageable though and the mortgage is less than we would have had to pay in rent, we've had security and a cheap property during 2 lots of rubbish maternity pay which has been a blessing Smile

We've given ourselves 2 years to move as there just isn't enough room for 4 of us but staying means we can save rather than stretch ourselves. Marriage isn't even on the cards but we both work full time in reasonable jobs so it doesn't worry me at the moment.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 19/04/2017 23:07

House, marriage then children. I'd rather spend on property than what is essentially a big party and it's the vows that are important anyway.

I'd never consider children outside of marriage so it had to come before that and wanted a stable home for them so it made sense.

CotswoldStrife · 19/04/2017 23:10

We did marriage-house (the house completed a week before the wedding) and then children much later! But we didn't have a big wedding or honeymoon to pay for so I'd cut them down out of the three options available.

flownthecoopkiwi · 19/04/2017 23:11

We did kid, cheap wedding, small house, second kid, bigger house...

limon · 19/04/2017 23:11

Yabu. Life throws all sorts of shit at you. Sometimes things just happen in the order they happen in.

MusicToMyEars800 · 19/04/2017 23:15

Oh god, OP - go travelling, do wild things, run amok. Live a bit more.
I had my first dd at 18 years old, and thought I love her and wouldn't change her for the world I do wish I waited a bit longer ( it was an unplanned pregnancy ) you've got plenty of time before you sign your life away by having a chid Grin

Notso · 19/04/2017 23:18

We did baby and house kind of simultaneously. We bought a house to renovate and eventually live in but the same week I found out I was pregnant. We moved in two weeks before DC1 was born, I was 19, DH was 23.
We didn't get married for another 6 years and had another DC by then, I wish we'd just got married when I was pregnant rather than had a wedding.
Then two years later we had DC3, then DC4 the following year.

Orangebird69 · 19/04/2017 23:23

Now DH already owned his own house when we met. Married after a couple of years. Then had ds 3 years after getting married. I've moved continents for dh's career - no way would I have done that and had a child if we weren't married.
So - house, marriage, children is best imo.

RebelandaStunner · 20/04/2017 00:18

We did this order:
House
Lots of nice holidays
Simple but lovely wedding
DC - which meant that the house was paid for by the time DC appeared.

jennymac31 · 20/04/2017 00:27

House, marriage then kids - preferred to use savings on buying house rather than a wedding, just in case I fell pregnant unexpectedly, but didn't have 1st baby until 3 years after I got married.

SpreadYourHappiness · 20/04/2017 00:32

Do it in whatever orders works for you.

Wedding, house, children.

It was exceptionally important for me to be married before anything else.

PitilessYank · 20/04/2017 00:51

Marriage
House 2 years later (when 8+ months pregnant)
Baby a few days after moving into house
Three more kids
Larger house nine years after the first house-have been in this house for ten years now

PitilessYank · 20/04/2017 00:53

We had a modest wedding, and bought a small house.

PitilessYank · 20/04/2017 00:53

Our big splurge was having four kids.

Crispmonster1 · 20/04/2017 00:54

House, kids, don't bother with wedding. Total waste of money.

KoolKoala07 · 20/04/2017 01:00

Personally for me, house first. I believe money is better spent on bricks and mortar and investment. A wedding is great but it's one day of your life that zooms past so quickly you almost miss it, marriage would be next then children. This is the way we've done it. But each to their own.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 20/04/2017 01:06

We did it in the order of your title.

I wouldn't even consider an expensive wedding. It's one day. Waste of money. Get married for £200 at your local registry office, buy your house and save for a nice holiday. Have a child after 25.

What's the rush?

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 20/04/2017 01:14

Well, you already live together, so I'd say cheap wedding, then a house, then try for kids.

But don't rush yourself!

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