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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let my husband come on our day out tomorrow

142 replies

LazyDaisy29 · 14/04/2017 03:48

Hi all

My husband went to work tonight, he works in a bar in the evenings.
We have arranged a day out tomorrow with our 2 boys we have got a baby sitter for the baby so we can give them some time (baby is 4 months old)

He has gone to work tonight and come home drunk, we are meant to be getting up at 7 to sort everyone's stuff and drop baby off and get going

I have told him he's not coming, I think he will ruin it by being tired and hungover, and I'm angry cause he said he wasn't drinking and I had a gut feeling all night but he kept avoiding the question

If he was avoiding the question he must of known that I'd get angry. I don't care normally at all he can do what he wants but tomorrow is kind of a big deal

I feel my 2 boys have been left a little bit what with the new baby

I don't know what to do in the morning

OP posts:
FreddieFlowerdew · 14/04/2017 03:50

YANBU. I'd be really annoyed as well.

FluffyMcCloud · 14/04/2017 03:56

Ugh I'd be annoyed too.

Original poster
LazyDaisy29 · 14/04/2017 03:57

He kept saying he'll be fine but I know he won't at all
And once he's in the car there's no dropping him back
And i want him to enjoy the day not just grin and bare it till bed time

Feel let down

OP posts:
user1491572121 · 14/04/2017 03:58

Well...is he usually moody and awful after drinking? If so then YANBU.

If you have no past experience of such behaviour then YABU.

ecuse · 14/04/2017 04:01

I'd be cross too.

Original poster
LazyDaisy29 · 14/04/2017 04:02

He really struggles with hangovers
It takes him a full day to recover and he will be tired on top of that so will probably sleep all the way there
I think he will pull him self together but he stinks of booze aswell
And will have bloodshot eyes and not be the daddy he would be if he hadn't had a drink
But would still be an ok dad if that makes sense
X

OP posts:
Original poster
LazyDaisy29 · 14/04/2017 04:05

I don't want the boys to wonder why he isn't coming though
They are really excited about having us both to themselves

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 14/04/2017 04:08

LEAVE HIM HOME yes i know im shouting

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) you

Izzy82 · 14/04/2017 04:09

I would make him go for your boys sake. As you say, they are looking forward to having both of you so letting him stay in bed is only punishing your boys.
Plus I would take great joy in waking him up incredibly early

Trifleorbust · 14/04/2017 06:23

I wouldn't be happy about the lying, but perhaps he lies when you treat him like a child and tell him he isn't allowed. Is there a backstory here involving excessive drinking, or are you really reacting this badly to an occasional hangover?

bugattiveyron · 14/04/2017 06:26

Make him go, take water and nurofen and tell him to grow up and get on with it.

MimiSunshine · 14/04/2017 06:30

If he can pull himself together enough that your boys are happy then he should go. The boys are looking forward to it and it won't be the same for them otherwise.

But I get that his hungover state somewhat ruins the day for you. I'd be waking him up with water and pain killers telling him he's a selfish arse and you're annoyed but that's all you're going to say on the matter and now it's time to get on with the day

Original poster
LazyDaisy29 · 14/04/2017 07:08

There's the usual not coming home years ago and he's a horrible drunk but I have had councilling and we have worked for years to repair the damage that's been done!
This is a one of occasion where we are spending the day with our 2 boys who have took a slight back seat while we've been dealing with a new born did he really need to do it with a hangover?

OP posts:
TheFirstMrsDV · 14/04/2017 07:08

Get him up and go.
You need to forget he was drinking last night and act as if he is ok.
Don't give him an excuse to wallow in his hangover.
After an hour or so of walking around and drinking water he will feel fine anyway.

I totally get why you are upset so YANBU about that at all.

I just think its a slippery slope to man-child if he thinks all he as to do is get pissed to get out of family stuff.

Gizlotsmum · 14/04/2017 07:10

Make him come. Your boys will be disappointed if he doesn't but make it clear to him he has to participate and make it an enjoyable day for them.

lilydaisyrose · 14/04/2017 07:22

I'd want to leave him at home, but probably take him for your boys' sake. Selfish arse.

I do feel a wee bit sad your baby isn't coming with you on a special day out though. I do understand your situation as I have 2 older kids and a nearly 4 month old too but DD2 is now such a massive part of our family, I couldn't imagine not taking her - we'd all miss her too much, including the older kids! She's part of the family now. She's also very easy at the moment - pop her in the sling and away we go - no whining or snacks to worry about yet - I know she'll get more difficult when she's a toddler!

Have a lovely day.

Original poster
LazyDaisy29 · 14/04/2017 07:26

Ah yeah we would take her she's a dream but we are going to chessington world of adventure so it would mean someone staying with baby all the rides and then one of the boys sitting on their own x

OP posts:
yorkshapudding · 14/04/2017 07:30

He's been a selfish twat. Don't reward his twattery by letting him have a day to himself lounging on the sofa!
Also the kids deserve to have their Dad there, it's not their fault he's been a twat.
So wake him at the agreed time, chuck some painkillers at him and tell him that you know he's hungover but he needs to suck it up for the sake of his kids and when you get back you want to talk about the lying etc. I would completely ignore any moaning, groaning and complaints of tiredness etc throughout the day and carry on as normal.

december10th · 14/04/2017 07:31

you need to stop treating him like a child

lilydaisyrose · 14/04/2017 07:33

Ah Chessiniton that makes sense - I was (stupidly) assuming zoo/farm park or somewhere similar for your day out. Sorry for being so judgemental. Have a brilliant day and make sure your 'D'H does all the big scary pukey rides!

HermioneJeanGranger · 14/04/2017 07:35

Leaving him at home won't solve anything - it will ruin your day out and upset your kids for no reason. He's a grown up - he chose to get drunk, he can deal with the consequences of feeling like shit the next day.

Mysterycat23 · 14/04/2017 07:37

Send him out with the boys on his own while you have a lovely peaceful day at home with baby?

Itsnotwhatitseems · 14/04/2017 07:37

Rides with a hangover should be punishment enough for your DH. Although I understand your not after punishment you just want a lovely day out giving your lads some attention from their parents. Did he forget he was getting up early for a day out when he had a drink or is he someone that whenever he has 1 drink he ends up having 10.

I hope you and your boys have a lovely day x

FlapAttack78 · 14/04/2017 07:39

You are treating him.like a child... he should come as agreed and just have to suck it up. Natural consequence and all that. He is a big boy and can make his own decisions but I can understand why it's frustrating for you. My husband decided to go get wasted the day before my birthday et togetjer when i was 37 weeks pregbant where lots of his family were coming and was so drink that he walked miles out of town on a country road after missing our roding turning and got picked up by a massive truck who kindly dropped him off at 5am. He was vomitting half the day but hid it from me very well at the time haha.. idiot man.

FlapAttack78 · 14/04/2017 07:40

Sorry for all the typos!

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