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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let my husband come on our day out tomorrow

142 replies

LazyDaisy29 · 14/04/2017 03:48

Hi all

My husband went to work tonight, he works in a bar in the evenings.
We have arranged a day out tomorrow with our 2 boys we have got a baby sitter for the baby so we can give them some time (baby is 4 months old)

He has gone to work tonight and come home drunk, we are meant to be getting up at 7 to sort everyone's stuff and drop baby off and get going

I have told him he's not coming, I think he will ruin it by being tired and hungover, and I'm angry cause he said he wasn't drinking and I had a gut feeling all night but he kept avoiding the question

If he was avoiding the question he must of known that I'd get angry. I don't care normally at all he can do what he wants but tomorrow is kind of a big deal

I feel my 2 boys have been left a little bit what with the new baby

I don't know what to do in the morning

OP posts:
ScabbyHorse · 14/04/2017 13:56

AIBU don't give him a day off.

SaltySalt · 14/04/2017 14:03

Can't be much fun for him to be continually nagged and he was working presumably to pay for these days out?

Bullshit

Original poster
LazyDaisy29 · 14/04/2017 14:25

The man doesn't do bad
He goes golf every Sunday
Gym every morning
If he wants to go out he can I really really don't care,
BUT
if we have arranged a day out, a bit of respect wouldn't hurt! He could get drunk tonight or next weekend
Why last night

The day has been shit moaning non stop about queues
Husband and kids
Wish I hadn't bothered

OP posts:
GeekyWombat · 14/04/2017 14:35

To be fair, you're at Chessington on Good Friday - whether your DH was out last night it was always going to be the third ring of hell I'm afraid.

Grab an ice cream / a cold drink / whatever you fancy or if it's just too shit call it and leave early. Amusement parks shouldn't be painful like a Japanese endurance game show.

Sorry you've had a rubbish day.

ohfourfoxache · 14/04/2017 14:43

You need to tell him to shut the fuck up- he's miserable because of the hangover and that's not your fault.

Is there anywhere that is blasting out really annoying music - preferably with a lamp post you could tie him to?

pictish · 14/04/2017 14:56

"Why last night?"
I believe you when you say you're not bothered if he goes out etc. Sometimes the drinky planets are just aligned. Everyone knows the best nights are the impromptu ones...the ones that just unfold by themselves. Maybe it was like that?

Don't let him pour cold water on your fun because he's hungover. My dh would bitch about queuing the whole way round on the best of days but that's just him, he's a bit of a miserable sod.

pictish · 14/04/2017 14:57

"To be fair, you're at Chessington on Good Friday - whether your DH was out last night it was always going to be the third ring of hell I'm afraid."

And this.

gillybeanz · 14/04/2017 15:07

YANBU he could have stayed of the ale as he knew he had plans.
I can't understand why parents would do this tbh.
But it seems like many do from this thread.

Will nobody think of the children Grin

JanetBrown2015 · 14/04/2017 15:13

You'd have to pay me a lot of money ever to go anywhere like Chessington!

Bluetrews25 · 14/04/2017 15:31

Errr, anyone else think it sounds like he has a drink problem? (not saying if he was going to drink, being a nasty drunk - I think you said - , griping a lot when hungover, stinking of drink, and this sounds like a regular thing?) and the OP has had counselling for it?? Confused

VladmirsPoutine · 14/04/2017 15:41

You sound more and more like his mother or a wife from some sort of 70s sitcom.

Original poster
LazyDaisy29 · 14/04/2017 18:04

When my 9 year old son asks him to do something today and he says he's just not got it in him and my son says "you have it in you every other day, but just not today" that's the icing on the cake
He has been the shortest version of himself today and I hope he's proud of himself
Building this day up to our boys for weeks and then it's shit, because he can't suck a hangover up!

He hasn't got a drinking problem as in he's an alcoholic
He just can't have 1 it's not heard of to him
Maybe that is a drinking problem
But I wouldn't put him in the same category as an alcoholic
He's just a selfish dickhead

OP posts:
Original poster
LazyDaisy29 · 14/04/2017 18:08

And this day was all about my boys getting to spend time with us with out the baby
I don't care what state he is in around me it was them that he should have been on top form for

OP posts:
Original poster
LazyDaisy29 · 14/04/2017 18:09

*shitest not shortest

OP posts:
StewieGMum · 14/04/2017 18:18

Not being able to have just one makes him a problematic drinker. It's clearly continuing to have a negative effect on your relationship and on the children. Your children deserve better. As do you. He needs to take responsibility for his choices and the consequences which starts with apologising to you and your children for today.

ohfourfoxache · 14/04/2017 18:20

I hope he's suffering Angry

Therealslimshady1 · 14/04/2017 18:27

Sorry it was a crap day

I still have a pic from a theme park where my mum looks frazzled, I look bored and my brother is,about to throw up.

We now laugh at it, these days don't always work out.

Is your H at least contrite?

Original poster
LazyDaisy29 · 14/04/2017 18:30

That's exactly what he is a problematic drinker
I'm going to tell him he needs to get help

Today was not ok

OP posts:
Original poster
LazyDaisy29 · 14/04/2017 18:31

He feels awful now that I've just told him how I feel about today
So that's something
Xx

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 14/04/2017 18:32

"When my 9 year old son asks him to do something today and he says he's just not got it in him and my son says "you have it in you every other day, but just not today" that's the icing on the cake "
Your son is very perceptive. Wise beyond his years.

Your husband, on the other hand - it sounds to me like he's deliberately sabotaged this daytrip. Now why would he do that? And can you think of other examples of this type of behaviour?

"He hasn't got a drinking problem as in he's an alcoholic
He just can't have 1 it's not heard of to him"
So he can't control his drinking, it controls him. He does have a drinking problem.

ohfourfoxache · 14/04/2017 18:37

He bloody well should feel awful. He ruined a day for his dc and for you. He should be utterly ashamed.

DoloresTheRunawayTrain · 14/04/2017 18:41

Well, when your H snaps it's been a shit day ask him what he's going to do to restore the shit reputation he's just happily handed over to his DS. Ask him if it was worth buying a few pints with his sons respect. If he says it was just a night out. Yes, it was, but as you said the next day had been built up by him to your son and he let him down. Sounds like your DS has the measure of him as a deadbeat dad who fucks up any outings. That's sad for your son, to know he shouldn't bother getting excited about anything special because his dad will ruin it...Does he sabotage any other events (particularly ones important to you) by being hung over, accidentally forgetting and not being able to get the time off, being a general asshat?

Original poster
LazyDaisy29 · 14/04/2017 18:46

We don't normally do days out
This was his idea and he planned it all and booked the tickets, I just don't get why he has ruined it.
I honestly think he couldn't say no to the beer and then thought he would be ok but he wasn't x

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 14/04/2017 19:17

My MIL 'wasn't an alcoholic' she was a binge drinker. She still died of alcoholic liver disease. Draw your own conclusions.

Sorry, OP. I think you have more problems coming.

pictish · 14/04/2017 19:51

Oh I'm really sorry the day was marred. It's not on is it? Not when it was so anticipated. He did a very selfish thing drinking so much he couldn't rise for the occasion. He should feel bad.