Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To politely decline wedding invite

206 replies

ArialAnna · 12/04/2017 10:29

A few months ago a friend asked me if I was free for 'x' date for his wedding. I was surprised and touched as we're not super close friends - I see him now and then as part of a group but haven't meet up ever one on one. I said we were free and would love to go, provided we could get babysitting sorted for our then 5 month old. Next time I saw him I said we could def come as MIL would babysit.

Invite came the other day and it's for the evening reception only from 7pm. AIBU to politely decline? I admit I'm rather against this practice anyway - surely if you invite people to your wedding you want them to see you actually get married?! Evening only means they miss all the special bits - bride coming down the isle, vows, speeches, etc. I understanding inviting people to the evening reception only if they are local, as then they are effectively just popping in for a drink and to wish the bride and groom well. But we live a good 2.5 hours away (albeit it's 50 mins from my in laws).

My MIL is already babysitting for us for another wedding (DH's friend) that month and I don't want to take advantage. And I know it sounds selfish but frankly I'd rather save a precious evening's babysitting for another time for a night out for just the two of us, rather than show up late to a do where everyone is drunk already. AIBU to politely decline? What should I say?

OP posts:
halcyondays · 12/04/2017 19:09

Evening invites are fie if you live quite close but no way would I travel 2.5 hours each way to an evening do. I also wouldn't have invited anyone to my own evening do who was that far away.

ShelaghTurner · 12/04/2017 19:25

SakeofFuck Good plan. I'm working on a serve case of the shits!

expat was going to say no dice as they sent a save the date card but...they didn't send one to me!! Hooray!

snowfedup · 12/04/2017 19:27

I think distance and friendship group is key eg 1hour away max. As part of a large sports club I often go to evening only receptions with a crowd of team mates without dh, great fun !

Dh and I were once invited to a wedding that involved a flight to get there however there wasn't room for us for the meal so we were expected to go to the ceremony then be bused to the local town, get our own dinner and then make our way back for the evening party ! We declined but always wondered how they intended to remove all the rejects after the ceremony ? would someone ring a bell to say the bus had arrived or a more discreet rounding up of all those not worthy of feeding ?

Bluntness100 · 12/04/2017 19:45

Wow, some of these responses are mad,,,from don't go and you don't even need to tell them why (would go down in the history of how to make friends and alienate people 😂) to it's a working class thing..

Evening invites aren't class related that's ridiculous, it's normal practice in the U.K. And I'm surprised the op thought she was invited for the whole thing. She's told them she is going, she was verbally invited, I assume so they could work out numbers, so yes, she should politely decline and explain why.

For me, yup, I'd go, book a hotel room and have a great night. Make a day of it even. Go and do other stuff during the day, I wouldn't decline it and sit at home instead.

Maireadplastic · 13/04/2017 18:10

Are they getting married in a church? There is nothing to stop you from attending, if so. Everyone is welcome in a church.

olbndansmummy · 13/04/2017 18:12

Have the rest of your group been invited to the night do too? If so, it just might be a laugh and you might not feel so miffed if the rest are just going to that?

I don't think yabu, jus a tad miffed!

Lovelymess · 13/04/2017 18:19

YANBU - just say MIL has come down with a bug "so gutted but we'll have to leave it, have a drink for me"

SherbrookeFosterer · 13/04/2017 18:39

I see your point.

It's a bit like being invited to see second act of a play, but not the first.

Plus it does seem a long way to go for a glass of wine and a sausage roll....

kazmina10 · 13/04/2017 18:45

Coming to the evening only event can make one feel really left out. I've been to one of those, and it felt like we had missed the main part of the day, making it difficult to engage with the others who'd been there all day. We didn't realise we had missed the food, so ended up starving! It was a 2 hour drive and we'd got babysitter for 1 yr old twins ( i.e. It was a massive effort). I wouldn't do it again. Hope that helps

Ifeelsuchafool · 13/04/2017 18:54

Don't understand this, "evening do only" invitation rubbish.

If you want someone at your wedding you invite them to your wedding. If you want to go out on the lash with a group of friends you arrange to do just that.

I think it's just a ruse to get more presents as cheaply as possible. Usually crap, "nibbles" and a pay bar. I wouldn't go. (Miserable old cynic)

ChickenVindaloo2 · 13/04/2017 19:19

I'm so fucking glad that I have very few friends in real life. And those I do have know that I would laugh in their faces if they invited me to an evening reception.

My colleagues seem to spend every bloody weekend traipsing from wedding to baby shower and birthday parties.

I, am streets ahead with Netflix whilst they drink wine out of plastic cups. I know who's winning.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 13/04/2017 19:21

If someone tried to invite me to make up the numbers at a wedding I'd decline. And I'd tell them why.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 13/04/2017 19:24
Crumbs1 · 13/04/2017 19:24

I thought everyone went to the church but close family and friends to the Wedding breakfast and people came back to evening- unless ultra traditional and everyone attends all day or there isn't an evening event.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 13/04/2017 19:26

Er, no Crumbs, that's not how it works. Most people would be seriously offended to be told to amuse themselves whilst the important folk got fed.

SoupDragon · 13/04/2017 19:41

I think it's amusing how uptight some people are.

RandomMess · 13/04/2017 19:45

See I would go to the wedding bit, then have a nice afternoon with DH and then go to the evening reception!

Naj84 · 13/04/2017 19:48

Everyone apart from parents, the bridesmaid and best man have been invited as evening only guests to our wedding.

If they cant/won't come, that's not my problem. I don't want their money/presents and would love to see them but it's my day and I'll have my wedding the way I want it!!!! (in all fairness, the evening do is the idea of my OH, I wouldn't have it at all if I could!)

Had a couple of no's back, but 90% have been happy with it and will be coming!

Flowersandbirds · 13/04/2017 20:04

I've been invited to quite a few evening wedding receptions and I generally go to the church to see the marriage then go out for a meal etc with other evening guests or do my own thing.

Don't be offended. This is what makes weddings so stressful for couples and causes people to run up massive wedding guests. Most people are on a budget and have a max number of day guests. Most couples would invite everyone for the full thing if they could but they can't.

If you don't fancy it then don't go but I think it's poor form to make up an excuse last minute when they will have already shelled out for an evening buffet. Just decline now and say you are sorry or go and stop moaning!

Flowersandbirds · 13/04/2017 20:10

Oh and I think some of the comments above are horrifying. If it's not your wedding, it's not about you and I think it's pretty selfish and arrogant to have a strop with the couple. Get over yourself and your "rights".

Floggingmolly · 13/04/2017 20:24

Most people have just said they wouldn't go, not that they have rights. Unless it's a right to form an opinion of their own you're referring to?

Darbs76 · 13/04/2017 20:25

Just because you've only invited someone to the evening do it doesn't mean you don't want them at your wedding. Spare a though for many who are on a budget and would love to have you all to the whole event but can't afford it. Some people need to get over themselves

pandarific · 13/04/2017 20:35

It's a nice thing to do to invite people you don't be know that well to the afters. Honestly, weddings are so expensive I can't imagine anyone wanting to make up numbers - why??

pandarific · 13/04/2017 20:37

I would also see the evening as the fun bit - this is the 'do' with the dancing to the band and dj, and a few drinks. I'd rather that than the boring ceremony bit!

Maireadplastic · 13/04/2017 20:37

ChickenVindaloo- that's exactly how it works with Irish weddings. Families are so big that it would be impossible to invite all friends and colleagues etc to the whole day. Neighbours and friends go to the church then come to the evening event later on. This isn't just restricted to Ireland but those who have moved to England, UK, Australia....

Swipe left for the next trending thread