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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To resent having to attend every single on of dh's family's parties?

222 replies

Placeanditspatrons · 06/04/2017 13:35

My family is tiny. Just my mum and dad and me.
Dh's family is huge. Three brothers. Six adult nieces and nephews - some married and with kids of their own. Several close cousins. And they all live in the same place. Consequently every weekend there seems to be something. They go for parties in a big way. So we have house warmings, baby showers, engagement parties, Halloween parties, easter parties, birthday parties (adults and kids), Christmas parties, summer bbq's and then christenings and weddings on top which are fair enough!

It means that often I have to cancel plans with my friends (not family since I don't have any) as dh says family comes first. In a fortnight I was planning a day out with my friend as I've not seen her since she had her ds last December. Just had an invitation for one of the children's birthday parties. So now it looks like I will be going to that instead. It pains me as the child in question won't care if we are there or not but more often the adults use it as an excuse to have a drink and a social occasion.
I'm finding it all a bit much. Aibu?

OP posts:
emilybrontescorset · 06/04/2017 19:32

Op if you are not careful you will lose your friends.
Keep cancelling prior arrangements and they will stop inviting you.

Tell him you have plans. He can go if he chooses.
It's his choice, probably not quite so appealing if he can't drink.

TheNaze73 · 06/04/2017 19:33

YANBU. He should go on his own. Remind him that you're not joined at the hip & to get a cab

bigchris · 06/04/2017 19:35

Are all his family big drinkers ? Any occasion is an excuse for a big piss up?

AddToBasket · 06/04/2017 19:35

Urgh, sulking about not drinking at a child's birthday - so not OK.

mickeysminnie · 06/04/2017 19:37

Ffs! Just say NO.
The world will not end, as previous posters have said if he wants to go and drink let him stay over with a family member.
If all he wants is to 'show his face' he can do that without having a drink and can therefore drive himself there and back!

CherieBabySpliffUp · 06/04/2017 19:42

If you "have to show your face" you can do that via Facetime while you are having fun with your friend Wink

MrDacresEUSubsidy · 06/04/2017 19:44

He's just said 'we have to at least show our faces.'

Why? Why does this event take precedence over your existing plans? Why can't he show his own face without you there - or is the taxi service so that he can get pissed, more important?

AyeAmarok · 06/04/2017 19:49

You're being manipulated OP.

Your DH doesn't sound very nice.

"sorry DH, I've already got plans".

Out of interest, which of you buys the presents for his niece's DC's birthday?

CigarsofthePharoahs · 06/04/2017 19:53

Tell him to take a picture of you and show it.
Ha!
Seriously, when he does the 'Oh but its famerleeeeee' line, I'd be tempted to get a little upset and say 'Well its all very well for you, but you know I only have my parents and my friends have very much become my family. MY family.'

Nomorechickens · 06/04/2017 19:54

Get him to take a photo of you on his phone. Then when he gets there he can get his phone out and show your face. While you go out with your friend.

Willow2017 · 06/04/2017 19:56

NO YOU DON'T!!
He can show his face of he wants to.
YOU HAVE OTHER PLANS end of discussion. Why the hell do you need to go to a kids party they won't care a bit.

All that way up "show face" yeah right fill his face full of drink he means while you wait to take him home.

Sod that. Tell him you are going to meet friend not to party and are not discussing it again.

2017SoFarSoGood · 06/04/2017 19:58

his family, his face. He is being ridiculous.

Orlantina · 06/04/2017 20:03

Have you ever seen 'Everybody loves Raymond?". That's got controlling families in there as well.

How many of these events do you have a year?

Purplepicnic · 06/04/2017 20:04

Let me get this right. You can make plans with friends or whatever, but if his family organise something and you are invited, you are always expected to cancel whatever plans you have already made, regardless of the occasion, notice or anything else? And you're going to spend the rest of your life doing this, are you?

stella23 · 06/04/2017 20:04

But you already have plans, he doesn't he can go. Surely you are already committed to see your friend, the same way if you got the kids invite 1st and the friend 2nd you would honour the one you made 1st

Butterymuffin · 06/04/2017 20:05

I'd take up drinking pronto. As soon as you say 'Think I'll have a few drinks this time! Your turn to drive', family will magically slip down the list of priorities.

Also, reply to 'show our faces' with 'well, I really have to show MY face at friend's get together. So you cover one and I'll do the other'.

seven201 · 06/04/2017 20:05

But he can show his own sodding face! He can take a cardboard cut out of you if he really must. He's ridiculous and is puddings me off even though I've never even heard of him until now! Angry

Whisky2014 · 06/04/2017 20:10

Emmm no. OP you need to grow a backbone here. This is not normal. When do you get to have some "you" time? Would he drive you to a visit so you can drink and ge can drive you both back? No? Didnt think so.
He may think you need to show your face but you absolutely dont.

wtffgs · 06/04/2017 20:11

He needs to drink at kids' parties?! Shock

Needing a glass of wine/whatever after hosting your own child's party, sure.

Let me take a wild guess: he's not exactly respectful towards you in other ways either?

I used to be a taxi for an alcoholic X. Really not fun or healthy.

Wolfiefan · 06/04/2017 20:12

You don't have to go.
He doesn't need to drink alcohol and use you arms a taxi.
In healthy relationships one party doesn't control the other.
Or sulk.

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/04/2017 20:14

"He's just said 'we have to at least show our faces.' "
'Well you might think that, I couldn't possibly comment' is the reply I would go with.

Or maybe just 'I said - no'.

HermioneJeanGranger · 06/04/2017 20:14

He sounds awful, actually.

He expects you to cancel plans. He refuses to drive to see his family so he can get pissed. He expects you to chauffer him around. He doesn't care that you can't see your friends, so long as he gets to see his "family" and get pissed. And if you don't go along with his plans, he sulks.

What a delight Hmm Tell him to get to fuck.

PurpleMinionMummy · 06/04/2017 20:20

The plans you make first come first.

BonnyScotland · 06/04/2017 20:22

Id love to see his face.... when you say ... Sorry I have plans.... I'll drop you off but you'll need to make your own way home ... lol 😦

Willow2017 · 06/04/2017 20:37

No don't drop him off it's an hour and a half out your day with your friend
Let him get his own way there. Maybe one of his many family members can get him or perhaps one of those newcdangled buses or trains?