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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to look after ill son

297 replies

AngelThursday · 05/04/2017 17:45

So basically DS (15) has not been feeling well today and has been sick etc several times.
I am a SAHM but have a regular commitment on a Thursday. A prebooked series of courses where if I miss one is hard to catch up. DH has the option with his job to work from home if he has no client meetings which he regularly chooses to do.
I have asked him if he will wfh tomorrow in order to be with DS so I can go to my course. He has no meetings but is grumbling, saying my job is to stay at home and why should he change his work plans just to please me.
DS just needs someone in the house, not hands on care as such so I don't see why DH couldn't stay home and work while I go to my course. He's his son too after all? If he's still poorly on Friday I will of course change my plans and look after him. I'm only asking for tomorrow

OP posts:
JesusDontWantMeForASunbeam · 05/04/2017 17:52

He's 15! Surely he knows where to be sick and he may even be fine tomorrow.

titchy · 05/04/2017 17:53

Personally I'd leave an ill 15 year old home alone assuming no special needs. I know it's nice to have someone fuss over you if they're around but I wouldn't make any special arrangements. I am a meany though Grin (with a mortgage to pay).

MumW · 05/04/2017 17:53

He has no meetings but is grumbling, saying my job is to stay at home and why should he change his work plans just to please me.

Here's a few reasons...

Maybe, because marriage is a partnership and he loves you, you are both DS parents, he recognises how important it is to you, he is supportive, you've paid for them, it is good for your sanity

Astro55 · 05/04/2017 17:56

Yes he should be flexible - no issue leaving a ill child but I'd worry about one being sick due to chocking and not getting enough fluids.

He's being an arse!!

KlondikeBar · 05/04/2017 18:04

How long would you actually be out of the house for?

Meekonsandwich · 05/04/2017 18:56

Really at 15 I highly doubt he needs anybody looking after him!! He needs a sick bucket and a day in bed, sorted.

Lewwat · 05/04/2017 18:57

Not sure why you have 2 threads running on this....

PotteringAlong · 05/04/2017 18:58

So you've made the choice for you to be a SAHM presumably so your DH doesn't have to change his work plans, and you still want him to?

TheNaze73 · 05/04/2017 19:00

He's 15. YABU

Thattimeofyearagain · 05/04/2017 19:00

Dh is obviously being an arse, but I'd leave a nt 15 year Old home alone if sick.

mydietstartsmonday · 05/04/2017 19:03

I am sorry but you are a SAHM so it is down to you.
Leave the 15 year old at home by himself if need be.

BastardBloodAndSand · 05/04/2017 19:04

I'd leave him on his own, he'll be fine for a few hours.

TBH tho, if my dp were the stay at home parent I'd be a bit annoyed if he wanted me to stay home for the sort of childcare issues which would be his 'role' as SAHD. Otherwise what's the Bleddy point in him being there ??!

TaliDiNozzo · 05/04/2017 19:41

I'm not totally clear why a 15 year old needs a parent there all the time? Surely just the odd phone call and pop in at lunchtime would be more than enough?

Chinnygirl · 05/04/2017 19:44

A 15 year old is old enough to care for himself for a day.

StewieGMum · 05/04/2017 19:45

I'd leave a 15 year old at home.

I'd also be selling your DH that he can piss off with that level of sexist fuckwittery.

holidaysaregreat · 05/04/2017 19:46

YABU as part of the deal of being SAHM is to be there to cover the working partner. It would be different if he refused to give up his night out at the snooker or a footie game, but he is working. Equally if you were both at work then it would mean he should take equal responsibility.
As others have said you should be able to leave a 15 year old home alone for a couple of hours.
Could you reach a compromise where he goes into work for the most part of the day and comes home in time for you to head out?
I'm interested to know what plans you have!

MsComplicated · 05/04/2017 19:49

If he is an only child I wouldnt say you are a 'SAHM' they could leave home/get married next year Hmm. I think YABU to expect him to cancel his work to stay at home, your course is voluntary so surely you can go and if your DS truly needs you to come home he can call and you could leave?

Id set him up with a DVD and a sick bowl.

Emphasise · 05/04/2017 19:50

What's the course?

neonrainbow · 05/04/2017 19:52

He's bloody 15 years old. He doesn't need a baby sitter.

JustHappy3 · 05/04/2017 19:53

I think it depends if this course is work related training or connected to bringing up the children eg a managing teenagers type thing. In which case he needs to support you with that.
But if it's purely a hobby then I'm sorry but I think you need to step up to look after your son before your DH has to rearrange his work. I think that's the point of being a sahm. And i say that as one.

Original poster
AngelThursday · 05/04/2017 19:54

My course is to further my interest in a hobby so arguably for my own pleasure. DH works long hours and his job is stressful which is why we decided back when DS was born that I would stay at home.
Partly due to his long and sometimes unpredictable hours I've not returned to work. He earns good money which enables us to have a very good lifestyle. His argument for me staying home tomorrow is that I have it good most of the time ie cleaner, ironing sent out, gardener, dog walker and so I have "free time" while he's at work. He's also said that my course is for pleasure while he is going to work to earn the money I like to spend...
I'm not happy leaving DS alone but i accept I might be being a bit precious about that

OP posts:
Rainydayspending · 05/04/2017 19:55

"If he is an only child I wouldnt say you are a 'SAHM' they could leave home/get married next year"
So your definition of a SAHM excludes women of one child? Or children you deem to old?
Curious definition.

watchoutformybutt · 05/04/2017 19:57

He doesn't need anyone to watch him at 15 years old.

MsComplicated · 05/04/2017 19:58

I meant unless the OP didnt mention she also has a younger child. By 15 they take themselves to school, get home let themselves in and entertain themselves you no longer 'need' to stay at home with them. Thats fine if you want to/are able to but I'd say by that time you are a housewife not a SAHM.

Hercules12 · 05/04/2017 19:59

I stick with what I said on the other thread. Yabu.