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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to look after ill son

297 replies

AngelThursday · 05/04/2017 17:45

So basically DS (15) has not been feeling well today and has been sick etc several times.
I am a SAHM but have a regular commitment on a Thursday. A prebooked series of courses where if I miss one is hard to catch up. DH has the option with his job to work from home if he has no client meetings which he regularly chooses to do.
I have asked him if he will wfh tomorrow in order to be with DS so I can go to my course. He has no meetings but is grumbling, saying my job is to stay at home and why should he change his work plans just to please me.
DS just needs someone in the house, not hands on care as such so I don't see why DH couldn't stay home and work while I go to my course. He's his son too after all? If he's still poorly on Friday I will of course change my plans and look after him. I'm only asking for tomorrow

OP posts:
arbrighton · 06/04/2017 16:02

Jaxing Jump, why are you attacking everyone on the thread?

OP alterego perchance? Upset that not everyone is agreeing with you.

arbrighton · 06/04/2017 16:02

Well done dingdong

JaxingJump · 06/04/2017 16:07

I'm not the OP.

And I'm not attacking everyone on the thread. I just simply don't think it's too much to ask and that as a co-parent of this sick person it's not unreasonable to see if he can WFH. And it's not to babysit a 15yr old, it's to have someone who cares about him in the background while he's ill. If I was very sick and alone at home all day my DH (who works a job he couldn't pop home from usually) might ask his mum who lives nearby to pop in and check on me to, you know, be nice! And recognise I was feeling miserable and that it's not nice to be alone when sick.

SapphireStrange · 06/04/2017 16:14

The quantity of exclamation marks in your posts, Ding, and phrases like 'Get a hold of yourself', certainly do suggest apoplexy.

I'd be a bit concerned for your blood pressure.

Nice cup of tea and a sit-down?

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 06/04/2017 16:17

They don't. And if you ever get apopleptic over an online post, or truly think others do, you need to log off and seek help.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 06/04/2017 16:28

I used one exclamation mark. I think that makes me semi-apoplectic

Kiroro · 06/04/2017 16:28

Anyway, what happened OP?

Did you stay home and look after your son? Or did you leave him some nice plain food in the kitchen and go off to your course and text to check up on how he was?

Also - why on earth do you have a dog walker when you aren't at work? Isn't the point of having a dog that you get to walk it?

Kiroro · 06/04/2017 16:29

JaxingJump Your MIL would pop in and see you if you were a little bit sick? Wow.

KateDaniels2 · 06/04/2017 16:33

Its not about what anyone on mumsnet thinks about the OPs lifestyle. Its really about wether the husband thinks its a fait partnership.

Which i suspect he doesn't.

RedSkyAtNight · 06/04/2017 16:33

I agree that it's perfectly reasonable for OP to ask her DH if he could work from home. He's told her that it's not practical on that day. (I also have a job that means I can sometimes work from home, but some days the workload means it is either much easier to be in the office or plain impossible to be at home). So that ends the conversation. It's got nothing to do with DH not preparing to help out a SAHP. Presumably most days DS is not ill,goes off to school and OP can spend the day exactly how she likes. That does mean she is expected to pick up the slack and look after him when he is ill! Otherwise, where exactly is the benefit of having a SAHP at all?

(I'm ignoring the fact he is 15 which makes needing anyone at home a bit overprotective anyway)

OwlOfBrown · 06/04/2017 16:36

I suspect the OP had a shit day yesterday, martyring herself to tend to a sick child who could largely fend for himself. Now she wants her OH to have a taste of the same medicine so that he can understand what a truly terrible time she had and just how wonderful she really is.

Because, let's face it, if her precious 15-year old was really so poorly and helpless that he couldn't be left for a few hours, she would have no hesitation in cancelling her plans.

She's just cross that hubby won't play along.

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 06/04/2017 16:37

Which i suspect he doesn't

No, I suspect he's wondering if she also wants a pint of blood. Bemused that anyone could think him unreasonable, tbh.
Can you imagine this with the genders reversed? If a woman posted that she worked as the sole earner while her partner didn't even walk the dog, let alone anything else, and he wanted her to wfh so he could go do yet another hobby? He'd be destroyed, she'd be told the kick him out the door.

Original poster
AngelThursday · 06/04/2017 16:40

Thanks for all your comments! Quite a mixed bag and some quite harsh judgements. Yes, I do have a relatively nice lifestyle and am lucky that my DH earns enough that I don't have to work. The dog walker and cleaner are both only once a week, the ironing is DH's shirts only (I do the rest) and gardener is also only once a week.
DS has been left home alone before just not for a whole day or when sick.
In the end, DH went in a bit later than usual and I missed the afternoon of my course.

OP posts:
JustAnotherPoster00 · 06/04/2017 16:41

If a woman posted that she worked as the sole earner while her partner didn't even walk the dog, let alone anything else, and he wanted her to wfh so he could go do yet another hobby? He'd be destroyed, she'd be told the kick him out the door.

I think the term cokclodger would be bandied around quite a lot at that point, and to the pp who wondered if JaxingJump was the OP I wondered the same Hmm

JustAnotherPoster00 · 06/04/2017 16:41

*Cocklodger Blush typo

JaxingJump · 06/04/2017 16:47

Kiroro, she would! She's a dote. I would let her in if it was vomiting bug though! And if I knew she was sick I wouldn't hesitate to pop into her and bring her a cuppa in bed. Seriously, I'm beginning to think we have an abnormally cooperative family.

I'm not the OP. If you read any of my other posts you'll probably come across me mentioning my 3 very small kids in most posts. No 15yr old.

JaxingJump · 06/04/2017 16:47

I wouldn't let her in!!!

JaxingJump · 06/04/2017 16:49

She's not asking her DH to help because she couldn't be arsed!!! She has a prebooked course! She shouldn't have to apologise for that or beg her partner to help when it makes only a minor difference to do so.

She said she doesn't walk the dogs due to injury (though I think the money would be better spent on training dogs not to pull so much).

GinIsIn · 06/04/2017 16:53

What is the female for cocklodger anyway...? OP, you have already acknowledged that YABU so I won't reiterate that but just to say, you really need to allow your 15 year old some space!! It is downright weird & not healthy for his development to have never left him alone for a day - why on earth not?!

Kiroro · 06/04/2017 16:53

@JaxingJump fair enough re cuppa in bed! I think I am more like a cat though, and don't want company when I'm sick (unless I'm like, really sick and need help).

Original poster
AngelThursday · 06/04/2017 16:53

Thanks for your supportive comments JaxingJump but I do need to correct you. We have one dog and he is walked every day by me during the week (DH at weekendd) apart from one day a week when the dog walker takes him while I'm on my course. But I have no injuries!

OP posts:
JaxingJump · 06/04/2017 16:56

When I'm sick I want everyone to wait nearby, quietly moving in the background but on hand to help me judge if we should call an ambulance or notGrin

I remember in my 20's when I was living abroad and I had noro virus once and proper flu once and I still remember how much I wanted my mum. It was so lonely being home alone all day and so ill.

JaxingJump · 06/04/2017 16:57

Oh! Am I mixing up threads? I was off mumsnet for lent (until I broke it today) and have gone a bit mad posting on s few too many threads. I thought you had 2 dogs who pull too much so you have a dog walker do them due to back and shoulder injury. Must have been someone else.

Slarti · 06/04/2017 17:07

He is being petty and kicking back at the having to take a level of responsibility for his child

There's a certain amount of irony in this claim considering he works long hours to provide well for his family (the OP's words) while the OP stays at home where most domestic duties are done for her yet doesn't want to give up hobby time to look after her son. The OP hasn't really presented herself as buckling under the weight of responsibility.

If the OP was a man claiming to be a SAHD with so few responsibilities but still unwilling to look after a sick child because of a hobby MN would have broken the record for usage of "cocklodger".

JaxingJump · 06/04/2017 17:08

Again she wants to go to a prebooked course, at no major cost or imposition to her DH. That does not make her a Vaginalodger.