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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is DP?

159 replies

Supermagicsmile · 05/04/2017 12:06

If you were given a present and your Dp asked for half of it, is it unreasonable to say no?

It was an Easter egg and I had already eaten half Blush Dp wanted the other half and I (selfishly) didn't want to give it up but did say dp could have it. I know it's selfish to want to keep it to myself but I have issues around food going back to my childhood (which Dp doesn't understand).

Apparently because I didn't give it up willingly I am selfish and dp now won't speak to me. Hmm

AIBU? It was a gift to me as a thank you for the past few months and I wanted to enjoy all of it. Blush

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 05/04/2017 12:09

My DP wouldn't be daft enough to ask for any of my chocolate.

Sharing is fine and up to you but asking for half is taking the piss.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 05/04/2017 12:10

I would have given him a token small piece and eaten the rest!
The gift was to you for whatever reason - not him!
Sounds like a teenager op!!

Sirzy · 05/04/2017 12:10

I wouldn't have given half but would have given him some just to be nice.

HermioneJeanGranger · 05/04/2017 12:11

Your DP needs to get a grip.

Presents aren't for sharing unless they're specifically given to the couple or the whole family.

WorraLiberty · 05/04/2017 12:11

I would have shared it without him even asking.

Then again, as an adult I don't have food issues from childhood.

FooFighter99 · 05/04/2017 12:11

YABU! Just buy yourself another one, keep it hidden, then scoff the whole thing when he's out of the house!

Creatureofthenight · 05/04/2017 12:12

Haha dance mine would have more sense too!
It's your present so therefore up to you if you want to share it. I'd probably give DH a bit but he'd be lucky to get a half!

corythatwas · 05/04/2017 12:12

I might have shared the whole or part of it or none at all, depending on circumstances. Neither of it would have caused any problems at all.

Original poster
Supermagicsmile · 05/04/2017 12:12

I have physically given Dp the half but it is now being refused as I have 'soured it' eith my selfishness Hmm

OP posts:
BouleBaker · 05/04/2017 12:13

He's being selfish, not you. You were given a gift, whether you share it or not is up to you.

BouleBaker · 05/04/2017 12:13

Eat it and enjoy it then.

floraeasy · 05/04/2017 12:15

I would have shared without him asking. I am always grateful to have help with the calories. Left alone with the egg, I'd just gobble the lot up myself otherwise.

However, your situation is different. Your DH may not understand, but he should try harder to. His sulking is a bit OTT in response, even if he does feel it could have been shared.

DidILeaveTheGasOn · 05/04/2017 12:17

Nobody has to share. Not sharing doesn't make you selfish. Sharing makes you a well-rounded member of society in the main, but we don't and shouldn't feel like we have to share everything otherwise we're selfish. Sometimes, it's okay to not share. A rare treat, a gift, whatever you like. You don't have to share everything. That is totally fine. So, you're not being unreasonable. But there are other issues here:-

  1. You did something you didn't want to do, to make someone else happy. I may be extrapolating massively from one little insight into your life, but come on, you didn't want to share, there's background stuff there, you overrode yourself to share 50% of a gift with your partner (50%!) even though you didn't want to. You didn't have to do this. It's okay to not want to do something and thus, not do it. You are in the driving seat of your life, you can decide.

  2. You did something you didn't want to do, to make someone else happy, and they decided to strop about it. That is really proper shit, that. They got half your chocolate and were still an arse about it. For the love of all that is cocoa-based. I would have grabbed the chocolate back and told him to get stuffed. You don't get to get the thing you demanded AND complain about not getting the thing you demanded. It just doesn't work like that. Unless you're a colossal tool. Maybe it's time for his annual review?

floraeasy · 05/04/2017 12:17

Just a thought - have you had problems about sharing before?

Who was the gift from? Is it about the food or does he have form for spoiling a happy time or gift that has nothing to do with him?

A bit more background might help.

livefornaps · 05/04/2017 12:18

Sharing would be expected (I guess?), and even asking for a little to taste, but demanding half?

Did he actually say "please give me the other half?" And then what was he going to do? Eat it in front of you or walk away with it? It's odd because sharing usually entails eating something together and enjoying it together. Not divvying up to eat separately.

Did people used to take food off you when you were younger? Maybe now's the time to talk to your partner.

TheViceOfReason · 05/04/2017 12:20

Honestly? No, technically YANBU because it is yours to do with as you please and your DH should not have asked in the first place - and when he did, then should have accepted your answer.

However.

It also comes across as selfish and greedy not to share.

Equally your DH sounds greedy demanding half.

So.... YANBU, but TBH you both sound greedy and like a pair of kids!

If my DH or I get chocolates or similar as a gift they would be eaten whilst we were sat on the sofa together watching TV. Inevitably whoevers gift it is would eat maybe more than the other, and gets first dibs on any particularly nice bits, but theres no "this is mine so you can't have any".

WorraLiberty · 05/04/2017 12:20

I was wondering that flora

Because going on the OP alone, it's just a bit of chocolate and not something I'd expect 2 adults to be squabbling over sharing.

OP, would you feel the same if it was a bottle of wine?

Would you want to drink it all yourself?

NeedABumChange · 05/04/2017 12:21

I would have shared it. Offered half before he even asked. Wouldn't stay with anyone selfish.

NightWanderer · 05/04/2017 12:23

He's being a dick for sulking. I hate sharing food. If he's not going to eat it, definitely reclaim it and enjoy it!

floraeasy · 05/04/2017 12:27

What would have been nice would be for DH to acknowledge he'd pushed you out of your comfort zone (taking into about your childhood food issues) and taken a small bit of chocolate, not half, and didn't sulk about it. He should be supporting you, not turning life into a battle.

floraeasy · 05/04/2017 12:27

*taking into ACCOUNT ffs

Original poster
Supermagicsmile · 05/04/2017 12:27

I have no issues with sharing anything in my life other than food. Blush

Dp knows about my issues from childhood and in my teen years (including an eating disorder for the majority of my teen years) but doesn't understand them (that's fair enough).

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 05/04/2017 12:28

Soured it with your selfishness Grin
Knob.
Just for that comment alone I would sit there and eat it very slowly, enjoying every last bite.

doctorboo · 05/04/2017 12:31

When my DH is given a gift because of something he's done for someone else, I don't automatically think that he should share it with me. That's ridiculous.
If he was gifted something edible and he chose to share it well that was nice, but it's
not a given.
It's like someone giving you chocolates for your birthday or Christmas that were obviously gifted just to you and people complaining that you're being 'greedy' or 'selfish' for not letting everyone scoff them.

RhiWrites · 05/04/2017 12:32

Are you very skint? If he wants chocolate why doesn't he go to the shop like a normal person instead of saying "give me half your present and look delighted about it".