Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is DP?

159 replies

Supermagicsmile · 05/04/2017 12:06

If you were given a present and your Dp asked for half of it, is it unreasonable to say no?

It was an Easter egg and I had already eaten half Blush Dp wanted the other half and I (selfishly) didn't want to give it up but did say dp could have it. I know it's selfish to want to keep it to myself but I have issues around food going back to my childhood (which Dp doesn't understand).

Apparently because I didn't give it up willingly I am selfish and dp now won't speak to me. Hmm

AIBU? It was a gift to me as a thank you for the past few months and I wanted to enjoy all of it. Blush

OP posts:
PollytheDolly · 05/04/2017 13:23

He's ignoring you over a fucking Easter Egg?!

I hope you never do anything worse than this OP. Hmm

corythatwas · 05/04/2017 13:23

We have a kind of weird understanding by which box of chocolates = common resource, has to be shared, chocolate egg= food on your plate, can be shared but doesn't have to.

I had some of dd's soup in the restaurant yesterday, it was delicious, but tbh she could have said no and cries of "I can't believe that anyone wouldn't even share some soup" would have been rather misplaced, seeing that I am quite adequately fed and we have a happy sharing family life all round.

PinkFlamingo545 · 05/04/2017 13:23

The question is, is an attempt to control her food intake part of his motivation, or is he just greedy, selfish and immature?

or maybe we don't need to call in the Psychologists just yet - maybe he fancied a piece of chocolate - and that is all there is to it

LaSegundaPaloma · 05/04/2017 13:25

OP - I don't know what your food issues are, but I would say your reaction is not normal on this issue.
If I got an Easter Egg, I would have a little bit and give the rest to whoever wanted some. I couldn't care less who gave it to me or why. If DH got an Easter Egg he would give it to me or the DC. No big deal. If you want more chocolate, just go to the shop.

Butterymuffin · 05/04/2017 13:26

There's rarity to something that's right in front of you that you only have one of. And if the next thought is 'she could have gone out and bought a second one' then why didn't he?

It's routine in our house to 'try' a piece or one or two chocolates from someone else's gift. This sounds different. This is the husband making a point about food and punishing his wife for not having the 'right' attitude, ie giving it up to him so she doesn't have what he deems 'too much'. Not good.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 05/04/2017 13:28

And I find it odd that grown men and women think it's okay to ask another adult for food - it just appears rude.

If someone offers, I usually politely decline though as I feel they are offering out of obligation Blush

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 05/04/2017 13:29

Why are people fixated on the fact it's an Easter egg? She has food issues so it's extra shit to ask for it.

corythatwas · 05/04/2017 13:30

To me the point seems to be that her dh did not ask that they should share enjoyment together: he asked that she should stop eating (half the egg having already been eaten) so that he could eat all the rest. That is not sharing in my book. Nor is it covered by "he just fancied a piece of chocolate".

If I walk into a room and find dh and a half-eaten box of chocolates my immediate response would not be "Gimme ALL of that!" And if one of my children behaved like that to a sibling, I would not think sharing was what was being taught.

bagpusss · 05/04/2017 13:33

I didn't know chocolate could go sour. misses point of thread

SingingSilver · 05/04/2017 13:39

Then take it back and enjoy it! If he wants to act like a child, treat him like one. We don't reward bad behaviour...

TheVeryThing · 05/04/2017 13:39

I think it's weird that he asked for all of the remaining half.
I would share any chocolate i got as a gift but not necessarily half of it.
In the context of your issues from childhood, he;s being a total arse about his.

kaitlinktm · 05/04/2017 13:41

So you had eaten half and he was laying claim to all that was left? Would you have been more willing if he had just asked for "some"? (Which would have been the polite thing to do.)

I have physically given Dp the half but it is now being refused as I have 'soured it' with my selfishness

What a mardy-pants - how old is he?

I suggest you save up this phrase for future use -

No sorry "D"H I don't want a cup of tea now, you have soured it with your selfishness
No "D"H I won't watch my TV programme now, you have soured it with your selfishness
Would you like a piece of xyz before I sour it with my selfishness?
Oh no - this milk's gone off, I have obviously soured it with my selfishness

gamerchick · 05/04/2017 13:45

No sorry "D"H I don't want a cup of tea now, you have soured it with your selfishness
No "D"H I won't watch my TV programme now, you have soured it with your selfishness
Would you like a piece of xyz before I sour it with my selfishness?
Oh no - this milk's gone off, I have obviously soured it with my selfishness

Grin I would do exactly that sort of thing.

Itmustbemyage · 05/04/2017 13:46

Just pointing out that ASDA has special deal on Easter Eggs £1 each for quite decent ones. I would go and get two, so that you had a whole one each, give him his with a smile, if he tries to stop you eating yours then yes he is controlling about food.
if someone in the office gives you a present in the future keep it in the office and have a little bit each day with your tea / coffee and really enjoy it.
Or if you are in the fortunate position of someone asking what you would like as a gift say flowers / toiletries and see if he wants some of those as well.

UserSchmooser · 05/04/2017 13:48

If DH is given a gift that can be shared, I don't expect half but he does always share it with me.

Yes, I think you're being a bit selfish.

kaitlinktm · 05/04/2017 13:49

Haha Gamerchick - glad to know I am not the only immature one around Grin

ImperialBlether · 05/04/2017 13:52

Just out of interest, would he share if the position was reversed?

problembottom · 05/04/2017 13:53

DP and I always willingly share things but I wouldn't demand half his easter egg or vice versa. Your DP is being ridiculous.

xStefx · 05/04/2017 13:59

" soured it with my selfishness " fair play that's a fab line, you must use it more as gamerchick said.

My DP knows I don't share chocolate, he knows me well enough not to ask lol
He had a slaughtering off me once for getting me a kit kat from the shop when I asked him for a chocolate bar ( a fucking kit kat like)
He had been with me 7 years and knows I only like cadburys (no im not precious) He said I was overacting until I told him that I knew what his favourite beer was and if I had got him a bottle of another beer he would be just as pissed lol,
and no he wouldn't share his last beer with me either- and I wouldn't ask (we do share everything else lol)

MyGastIsFlabbered · 05/04/2017 13:59

My exH once finished my Easter egg off without asking...he then added insult to injury by saying he didn't like it. (Note the EX!)

Joking aside, I didn't mind sharing it but I was pissed off when I fancied some and it was all gone.

DameDeDoubtance · 05/04/2017 13:59

So he has half of your egg and he is sulking? What a cock.

Is he usually a big sulky demanding baby?

spaghettithrower · 05/04/2017 14:03

I would have offered my DP some in the first place. If he gets something edible as a gift he always offers me some of it.
We wouldn't ask each other for it but we wouldn't need to either as we share things like that automatically. However, we wouldn't take half of the other person's present.
I don't like the sound of the OP's DP's behaviour. I think there is background there. He just doesn't sound very nice.
Have there been more incidents like this OP?
It just doesn't sound like a particularly happy relationship. It is absolutely ridiculous that he went into a mega sulk about it.
Get his own bloody Easter egg - does he not know where the shops are?

Swissgemma · 05/04/2017 14:05

See I don't think chocolate is like milk. It's a treat. A treat in this case given by someone to someone else. It is more like a massage voucher... would the OP's DH knocked on the door after 30 mins and demanded the remaining 30 minutes of the massage and then endured the 30 minutes with a cats bum face as the OP had reluctantly eased herself out of the toasty warm towel bed with only a half relaxed back???

Naicehamshop · 05/04/2017 14:05

Kaitlin - exactly! Excellent post!

The problem is not the sharing (although demanding half of someone else's present is odd) it's more his attitude. He genuinely sounds very controlling AND horribly passive aggressive. Is he like this about other things as well? Confused

ijustwannadance · 05/04/2017 14:08

Sharing food like a pizza or a Chinese takeaway is normal to me. Ordering a meal in a restaurant and DP wanting a taste, absolutely fine. Me sitting and having a meal and somebody wanting half can fuck right off.
I am very generous. As is my child, who kindly 'helped me' eat the box of chocs she gave me for mother's day. But sometimes I have something special that I don't want to share. Nowt wrong with that. I just eat it when i'm on my own.

In our house we have no issue sharing, but mostly we have our own things that we like. DP doesn't eat my chocolate and I don't eat his tangfastics.

Swipe left for the next trending thread