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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is DP?

159 replies

Supermagicsmile · 05/04/2017 12:06

If you were given a present and your Dp asked for half of it, is it unreasonable to say no?

It was an Easter egg and I had already eaten half Blush Dp wanted the other half and I (selfishly) didn't want to give it up but did say dp could have it. I know it's selfish to want to keep it to myself but I have issues around food going back to my childhood (which Dp doesn't understand).

Apparently because I didn't give it up willingly I am selfish and dp now won't speak to me. Hmm

AIBU? It was a gift to me as a thank you for the past few months and I wanted to enjoy all of it. Blush

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/04/2017 13:01

I'm not sure where all this talk of 'control' is coming from?

He asked for half (wrong imo but not unreasonable to ask for a bit, considering the OP didn't even offer).

The OP made it clear she was sulking about it, but handed it over anyway and he then decided he didn't want it, if she was going to act like that.

Sounds like a really silly playground squabble over a bit of chocolate to me, but I can't see where the 'control' aspect has come in?

splendide · 05/04/2017 13:01

I think this is one where you'd have to know more about the situation to judge. With me and DH this just wouldn't be an issue - if someone gave me chocolate he can help himself, I'm just not that bothered. If I wanted chocolate later and he'd eaten it I would buy some more.

cordeliavorkosigan · 05/04/2017 13:01

he is being petulant and selfish by being passive aggressive about it now, knowing that these are issues for you. enjoy it and don't give in to the passive aggressive "you've soured it". petty.

lottiegarbanzo · 05/04/2017 13:04

Worra because OP says he wants her to be thinner. Looks like he's trying to control her food intake, not just desiring some chocolate.

PuntCuffin · 05/04/2017 13:05

but does have a thing about people being overweight (I know he wants me to lose weight).

So it was a PA attempt at controlling your food intake?

My kids bought me some chocolates for Mother's Day, which i was happy to share. Except that one DS kept helping himself to the point where the box was almost empty and I had eaten only one. I told him to stop and leave some for me. He tried to argue that I was being selfish. A brief explanation of why eating someone else's gift is actually the selfish behaviour, and 2 weeks later, the remaining 4 chocolates are still there (I keep forgetting to give them to my DSs). If a 7 and 11 year old can get it without being arsey, then a grown man should be able to.

WorraLiberty · 05/04/2017 13:06

lottie, she could be morbidly obese for all anyone here knows.

That's a big conclusion to jump to, without any information.

alltouchedout · 05/04/2017 13:06

Your dp is being a complete twat. Sulking because you weren't overjoyed to give him half of your chocolate? Wtf is that all about?

lottiegarbanzo · 05/04/2017 13:08

If she's obese she's not going to change unless she wants to. She doesn't say she's appointed her DP as her gatekeeper of food.

fuzzywuzzy · 05/04/2017 13:10

My DP has a better self preservation instinct than to demand chocolate from me.

I always get the last chocolate in this house.

OP polish it off, your DP clearly doesn't want it, you've physically given it to him he has rejected it. Eat it guilt free.

There's so much chocolate in the supermarkets he can get his own and some for you as an apology for being so childish.

WorraLiberty · 05/04/2017 13:10

She doesn't say she's appointed her DP as her gatekeeper of food.

Exactly my point.

She simply mentioned that he'd like her to lose weight.

If my DH was obese, I'd like him to lose weight too because I love him and I'd quite like him to live as long as he can.

PinkHeart59156816 · 05/04/2017 13:11

My dh knows I do not share chocolate or cake!

I can't believe your dp isn't talking to you over this Confused The Easter egg was a present given to you by whoever and it was yours to enjoy!

lottiegarbanzo · 05/04/2017 13:12

It's a postulation, not a conclusion. She'll say or ignore it if totally wrong. If not totally wrong, people's best guesses can be quite enlightening. That's part of the value of MN, different experience, different 'reading' of the same info, different perspectives on what's normal. Plus some crazy speculation of course!

WorraLiberty · 05/04/2017 13:13

I can't believe all these people who wont share a bit of chocolate or cake.

Why not? What is the big deal?

Do you not worry about passing such unhealthy attitudes to your children?

Genuine question (because I'm not entirely sure whether everyone here is serious or not).

lottiegarbanzo · 05/04/2017 13:15

You'd like your DP to lose weight but would you try to deprive him if treat food and sulk when he doesn't comply?

The question is, is an attempt to control her food intake part of his motivation, or is he just greedy, selfish and immature?

PinkFlamingo545 · 05/04/2017 13:15

I would have been looking forward to sharing it with my husband, he would never have to ask

HappyFlappy · 05/04/2017 13:16

My DP wouldn't be daft enough to ask for any of my chocolate.

Same here.

There are boundaries which are not crossed in this house. This is one of them.

It's safer for all concerned . . . Grin

lottiegarbanzo · 05/04/2017 13:17

Most people would share. OP acknowledges she has peculiar issues about food. I'm happy to believe her about that.

Shodan · 05/04/2017 13:17

I'm quite astonished that he was rude enough to ask for half. It's fairly usual, I think, to ask if can have some/a bit, but to come out and say Can I have half?- that's rude.

Either way, sharing isn't something that should be forced on someone. If you ask, and are refused, the adult, courteous thing to do is to accept it graciously.

I wonder though OP- does he willingly share all his presents with you?

HappyFlappy · 05/04/2017 13:18

for that comment alone I would sit there and eat it very slowly, enjoying every last bite.

As Dance says - mike lots of "mmmm, mmm" noises. Lick your lips. Suck your fingers when you are finished.

Stripeymug · 05/04/2017 13:19

its not yet Easter so you are both being unreasonable,

Swissgemma · 05/04/2017 13:20

No eggs before easter! Then we each have our own to eat however and whenever we want - to share it not share as we see fit. Ditto Christmas chocolates. Birthday chocs ask and are usually given but don't eat them all. "Fridge chocolate" is a communal resource so help yourself! Giving gift chocolate is not sharing it's giving, at the discretion of the person given Chocs!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 05/04/2017 13:20

I don't share food generally. if people ask for it, then I am guaranteed to say no. I hate when people ask for things - if I wanted to share, I would have offered already.

And don't worry Worra I don't have children to pass on any unhealthy attitudes to Smile

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 05/04/2017 13:21

^^

PinkFlamingo545 · 05/04/2017 13:21

It does sound like Food = power in this household.

Can I just say there a millions of easter eggs currently available in shops right now - ranging from £1 upwards.

I think you have bigger issues if you are going to let an easter egg cause an argument and resentment in your household

splendide · 05/04/2017 13:21

I think what I find confusing in the posts above is the notion that there is some kind of rarity to chocolate. The shops are full of it. It's as weird to me as someone saying "oh I don't share my milk with DH tee hee"

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