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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or is DP?

159 replies

Supermagicsmile · 05/04/2017 12:06

If you were given a present and your Dp asked for half of it, is it unreasonable to say no?

It was an Easter egg and I had already eaten half Blush Dp wanted the other half and I (selfishly) didn't want to give it up but did say dp could have it. I know it's selfish to want to keep it to myself but I have issues around food going back to my childhood (which Dp doesn't understand).

Apparently because I didn't give it up willingly I am selfish and dp now won't speak to me. Hmm

AIBU? It was a gift to me as a thank you for the past few months and I wanted to enjoy all of it. Blush

OP posts:
DidILeaveTheGasOn · 05/04/2017 12:32

Similar background here Supermagicsmile. But you know, I think even if you hadn't been through that, it's still okay not to share food. Some people have real beef with it and have said they'd leave anyone that selfish! If they were my partner, I would get up and go open the front door for them! Have at it my love, go on and leave me and collection of chocolate hobnobs in peace. My husband will ask for a chocolate hobnob occasionally and I will very kindly hand one over, but he is always rather impressed when I do share them as I love them, and don't have them often. I don't think sharing everything should automatically be a given, you're still a person in a relationship, you don't have to share everything, and I would gently and politely reject the notion that it's to be expected.

gamerchick · 05/04/2017 12:32

Does he have issues around food as well?

I would have shared without being asked but it's just chocolate to me.

Sulking over an Easter egg when there is loads in the shop cheap as chips boggles my brain.

livefornaps · 05/04/2017 12:33

Well if he knows about your issues, it doesn't matter if he understands them, he should know it's even weirder that he straight up asked for half outright!? I can understand if the egg was out & you were both watching TV he may ask for a little (lots of couples may not even ask one another) but to ask for half I still think is weird. Maybe it's just me

wifeyhun · 05/04/2017 12:34

He's the selfish one. Eat the rest yourself.

TeaStory · 05/04/2017 12:35

I don't like the word "sharing" applied this way TBH - he wasn't asking you to "share" so much as give him half your gift. I would have given my DH some, but not half, and you were not in the wrong to say no to giving him any.

phoenixtherabbit · 05/04/2017 12:36

Hmm. I sort of think he was selfish to ask, but if my do asked I would just give it to him, it's chocolate it's replaceable so I wouldn't think it was a big deal but it was YOUR present so I don't think you're being unreasonable to say no.

jojo2916 · 05/04/2017 12:36

Is this real I can't believe an adult would say no, he obv fancied something there and then why not say course and have a bit too if you don't want him to have it all and just buy another one later , my dp would give me anything of his and vice versa

livefornaps · 05/04/2017 12:37

Yes gamerchick & teastory!

SquatBetty · 05/04/2017 12:39

I'd have given DH a reasonably sized piece as he'd do the same for me but probably not as much as half as I'm very greedy when it comes to chocolate

Original poster
Supermagicsmile · 05/04/2017 12:39

I find it very difficult to share food.

Someone asked if he has issues with food - no he doesn't have issues with food but does have a thing about people being overweight (I know he wants me to lose weight).

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/04/2017 12:39

Have you sought help for your issues, OP?

I'm not sure if you have kids, but if you do, it may be very confusing to them when learning about sharing etc.

rainbowstardrops · 05/04/2017 12:42

Was the egg a present to thank you both? If so then obviously you should share. I very much doubt this is the case though.

Even without food issues, I don't think you should have to share - it's your gift!

I'd have offered some as I'm sure DH would for me but neither of us would expect the other one to share a gift!

Bit weird that he's sulking over a bit of bloody chocolate too. He's said you've already spoiled it so shrug your shoulders and enjoy every mouthful of it! Grin

HashiAsLarry · 05/04/2017 12:42

DH would never ask nor expect me to give him half of anything, food or otherwise. Likewise I wouldn't ask him. If there's food about we may ask for a bite or offer a bit.

The demand for half is really odd to me.

ShuttyTown · 05/04/2017 12:43

I wouldn't have even given him a small piece nevermind half! If he's that desperate he could have got his own Grin

Original poster
Supermagicsmile · 05/04/2017 12:44

No it wasn't for us both, it was given to me as a thank you from someone at work.

OP posts:
Janeofalltrades1 · 05/04/2017 12:48

DP needs to grow up and go out and get two more Easter eggs so he can give you one.

ijustwannadance · 05/04/2017 12:49

I wouldn't just expect my child to share her easter eggs though. I limit the amount she consumes. If there was another child visiting I would ask her if she wants to share it, not just hand it over.

I am happy to share most things but sometimes I will treat myself to something that will be just for me.

floraeasy · 05/04/2017 12:50

he doesn't have issues with food but does have a thing about people being overweight (I know he wants me to lose weight)

He sounds quite controlling, OP.

I think the issue goes deeper than the easter egg IMO.

WorraLiberty · 05/04/2017 12:52

ijustwannadance, I would expect mine to offer some to others (not half), without them even asking.

But the OP said she wanted all of it to herself.

Therefore, imo it would be difficult to teach any kids growing up in the house, to consider others and offer some.

livefornaps · 05/04/2017 12:53

He can sod off if he wants you to lose weight! How awful that he feels himself "deserving" of half a gift that wasn't even intended for him, and that therefore you are not?

Did he actually say "give me half?" Sod.

lottiegarbanzo · 05/04/2017 12:54

He's the one being weird and selfish.

And sulking?! Ffs how immature, manipulative and ridiculous! It's only a chocolate egg! What's his excuse for his weird behavioural issues?

He doesn't need to understand your food issues, he just needs to believe you.

Sure, sharing is nice but gifts are gifts and sharing is a choice made by the recipient.

WannaBe · 05/04/2017 12:54

It would never occur to me not to share it.

And I can see why he feels put out if you agreed to share but did so grudgingly.

spidey66 · 05/04/2017 12:54

When it comes to me, him and chocolate, what's his is mine and what's mine is my own.

With beer it's the other way round, so we're in a win-win.

ijustwannadance · 05/04/2017 12:56

I meant that if it was a special treat I would give them an alternative rather than forcing her to share.

lottiegarbanzo · 05/04/2017 12:56

Oh he thinks he should be able to make decisions about you, for you, then sulks and makes your life unpleasant as a means if control when you don't do as you're told. Right.