AIBU or were my friends just being mean?

[Shitgotreal16]

Looking for some impartial advice really. We have a 7mo DD who is our whole world, multiple mc whilst ttc, and most of my friends know all about our struggle.
A few months ago myself and said friends went out for a ladies day of lunch and a (good) few drinks. Met in a coffee shop, friend A arrives and ask how's motherhood and how's it all going? General chit chat. (I might add that friend A is a friend of a friend who I rarely see but get along with when we do meet in our social circle) Friends B,C & D arrive shortly afterwards whilst myself and friend A are still chatting about my DD, from the look on their faces it's clear to me that they have no interest in listening to this or asking after my DD, these women are supposed to be my good friends (one was my maid of honour). Lots of turning away from the conversation and talking about the menu in the coffee shop. So I ask each one in turn about them and what's been happening since I saw them last? Friend B (maid of honour) saw the weekend previous for a cuppa at my house, I asked if their summer holiday was all booked? Friend C hadn't seen since DD was around 5 weeks old, I asked about her new job offer and about her weight loss (she'd posted on FB the previous night ) and also asked Friend D how her holiday down under was and inquired about all the places she'd visited. So as a Friend I'm showing an interest in their lives and asking about things important to them, so AIBU by thinking at least one of them could ask after my DD and me seeing as it's such a life changing event, messaged my DH later to ask if I was right to be pissed off they hadn't mentioned DD the whole day we were out together, DH being a reasonable man also couldn't understand this. The day finished after quite a few drinks with me quietly seething that these were my good friends and only a friend of a friend had the decency to ask about my DD.
A week or so later DH of Friend C text my DH to arrange a get together, my DH answered with "shit was kind of upset after the other day as none of the girls asked after DD like she didn't exist, not sure what that was all about, so I'll let you know" DH didn't text friend back however they met up this week for a catch up and DH said again "Why do you think that B,C & D behaved that way?" Friend DH agreed it was a crappy thing to do, later that day I receive a message from Friend C asking if we could maybe get together to build some bridges! I asked why they all decided not to mention my DD that day and she got quite defensive and said she was just offering an olive branch and to let her know if I wanted to meet for a drink to talk.
Message then arrives from Friend B saying C is upset and now she's upset too as I have accused them of behaving maliciously, and I should change my recollection of the day out as thats not what happened! So now it's 3 against me trying to say that they joined in the original conversation between me and A.....no they fucking didn't!
To add B,C & D don't have DC's nor do they claim to want them. Friend A does have 2 DD and there was a discussion about her DC's eating habits during the day so it's not like it was a child free day in that sense.
Sorry for the ridiculously long post but need some perspective here, I know I sound all PFB but what type of friends don't ask about something so massive?
Is this a case of friendship going bad after children or are they just mean

Is anyone else unsurprised that the OP hasn't been back?

I'm not sure I would want to be friends with someone who gave me a mouthful for not sending a text or buying a present. It's not obligatory.

Single people normally don't want to hear about your great relationship.

Non animal people don't want to hear about your dog.

Childless people don't want to hear about your children.

It's tough when all you want to do it talk about your subject. Thing to remember is not everyone loves your kids.

It is not true that only other parents are capable of asking politely about their friends' kids.

Intelligent adults with even the slightest bit of empathy can ask a few leading questions about how you are, how your kids are, and how parenthood is going. Just as you'd ask about someone's job or hobby or relationship or messy divorce or creative breakthrough or whatever.

Friends ask about your life. Also of course the onus is on you not to go on and on about your life at them, but that's true for parents and non-parents alike.

Your dh is a drama queen and has made you look like a pair of gobshites.

At least you kept your gobshitery to yourself!

I'd wash my hands of the pair of you. Life is too short for your level of perry drama.

I dont like animals. Cannot stand house pets. Apart from being allergic to certain animals, they smell and they are dirty imo.

Does that mean that I am therefore exempt from asking my sister how her cat is because he has been very poorly lately? Her pets mean the world to her as she is unable to have children and they are, by her own admission, a substitute. So I take an interest, not because I am interested in the pets per se but because I care about my sister and what matters to her matters to me.

Same with babies. You might not like or want them yourself but if you care about your friend then you ask about important things in their life, babies being one of them!

I'm childless and don't specifically ask after friends' children when I see them. I generally roughly know what is going on in their lives through Facebook and texts, phone calls, so unless something specific had happened that I felt I needed to ask about e.g. how was X's birthday party / has she still got a cold etc then it wouldn't occur to me to ask. I don't expect people to ask me how my husband / mother / dog are unless there's a reason!

I work with someone who's a recent first time mum and every single bloody conversation we have, even if it starts about something like the staffroom running out of coffee, ends up in her talking about her PFB. It's beyond tedious. There are several other women who had babies around the same time who are totally different, sometimes we end up chatting about their children, often we don't. Motherhood seems to change some people in that way and not others, I've always wondered why.

There are several other women who had babies around the same time who are totally different, sometimes we end up chatting about their children, often we don't. Motherhood seems to change some people in that way and not others, I've always wondered why.

My theory is that people who were previously self-obsessed often transfer that obsession to their children - and, in fact, feel even more able to indulge it because they now identify themselves as selfless. It's like when people go on about how some women 'become' smug when they're mothers: I don't think this is true, I think that some women are smug, and some of those women are mothers, and those women that are both smug and mothers tend to be smug about motherhood.

But pyong you mention specifically that your sister's cat is poorly. That's a reason to ask about it. A lot of people have said they would ask about children if there's a reason to do so - recent news, milestones, etc. - but perhaps wouldn't think to ask for a general update every time they see that parent. I think that's quite normal. If my friend told me she was having a problem at work I'd ask how things were going the next time I saw her. I don't routinely ask all my friends how work is, though.