AIBU or were my friends just being mean?

[Shitgotreal16]

Looking for some impartial advice really. We have a 7mo DD who is our whole world, multiple mc whilst ttc, and most of my friends know all about our struggle.
A few months ago myself and said friends went out for a ladies day of lunch and a (good) few drinks. Met in a coffee shop, friend A arrives and ask how's motherhood and how's it all going? General chit chat. (I might add that friend A is a friend of a friend who I rarely see but get along with when we do meet in our social circle) Friends B,C & D arrive shortly afterwards whilst myself and friend A are still chatting about my DD, from the look on their faces it's clear to me that they have no interest in listening to this or asking after my DD, these women are supposed to be my good friends (one was my maid of honour). Lots of turning away from the conversation and talking about the menu in the coffee shop. So I ask each one in turn about them and what's been happening since I saw them last? Friend B (maid of honour) saw the weekend previous for a cuppa at my house, I asked if their summer holiday was all booked? Friend C hadn't seen since DD was around 5 weeks old, I asked about her new job offer and about her weight loss (she'd posted on FB the previous night ) and also asked Friend D how her holiday down under was and inquired about all the places she'd visited. So as a Friend I'm showing an interest in their lives and asking about things important to them, so AIBU by thinking at least one of them could ask after my DD and me seeing as it's such a life changing event, messaged my DH later to ask if I was right to be pissed off they hadn't mentioned DD the whole day we were out together, DH being a reasonable man also couldn't understand this. The day finished after quite a few drinks with me quietly seething that these were my good friends and only a friend of a friend had the decency to ask about my DD.
A week or so later DH of Friend C text my DH to arrange a get together, my DH answered with "shit was kind of upset after the other day as none of the girls asked after DD like she didn't exist, not sure what that was all about, so I'll let you know" DH didn't text friend back however they met up this week for a catch up and DH said again "Why do you think that B,C & D behaved that way?" Friend DH agreed it was a crappy thing to do, later that day I receive a message from Friend C asking if we could maybe get together to build some bridges! I asked why they all decided not to mention my DD that day and she got quite defensive and said she was just offering an olive branch and to let her know if I wanted to meet for a drink to talk.
Message then arrives from Friend B saying C is upset and now she's upset too as I have accused them of behaving maliciously, and I should change my recollection of the day out as thats not what happened! So now it's 3 against me trying to say that they joined in the original conversation between me and A.....no they fucking didn't!
To add B,C & D don't have DC's nor do they claim to want them. Friend A does have 2 DD and there was a discussion about her DC's eating habits during the day so it's not like it was a child free day in that sense.
Sorry for the ridiculously long post but need some perspective here, I know I sound all PFB but what type of friends don't ask about something so massive?
Is this a case of friendship going bad after children or are they just mean

YABU your reaction is so over the top! Cringing at the fact your DH got involved as well. Not everyone wants to talk about kids- it's not a crime. If you had something you really wanted to share with them you should have just brought it up rather than silently seething.
I would grab hold of that olive branch and maybe apologise to them and hope they forget your PFB behaviour

Hmm, I don't think you're completely unreasonable they should have at least asked how dd was doing.
You've not dealt with it well since though. Why involve your DH and friends partners.
I'd have spoken to your friends, told them you felt a bit hurt and given them chance to explain.
How have they been when you've seen them at other times?

I don't get the posters saying other people's kids are boring though!
Tbf other people's jobs, hobbies, holidays, relationships and everything else can be pretty boring to listen to.
Its about the person though and if you care about them. Something that would usually bore me senseless is worth listening to, if it makes them feel happy/loved/supported!!

I have no words....except I am morto for your husband...

I think you're getting a bit of a rough ride here. You went out of your way to talk about things non DC related and show you'd kept abreast of their lives but they didn't reciprocate. YANBU to be upset at that.

Your DH's stance is odd though, I get he knows you're upset but why should that stop him going out with them? If their DWs are odd, it doesn't mean they are or would be.

Oh dear. Big fuss about nothing.

Oh dear at dragging your DH into it and friend's DH. Cringe.

I bet the other guy didn't have a scooby about what the OP's DH was on about and was like this

FWIW I do think it was a tad rude the friends didn't at least ask after the baby, but maybe as a PP said, is she all over your FB anyway? Even so I wouldn't be falling out over people being a bit rude as we all are at times

Frankly I'd be livid with my DH.

What do your relationships with female friends have to do with his going for a beer with one of his male friends?

I may or may not have come home annoyed with my friends except I'm totally with PPs about going out NOT to talk about my DC and bitched to my DH about it, but I'd be really cross my DH had created a situation out of something that would have blown over.

Lots of people find baby talk intimidating/boring/painful/boring/annoying/boring/irrelevant/boring. Then they have kids and want to talk about them. Just accept people for who they are and hope they do the same for you.

Blimey i speak as a mother of 2 older kids. I am not interested in anyone's kids including my friends. I do not expect them to be interested in mine and I find it really weird when they start asking questions. When we meet up I want us to talk about what we usually do e.g. Films, gigs, new tracks realised, exhibitions showing, new tea rooms , what other friends are up to, where everyone is travelling to next etc. I do not want to hear baby talk.
I don't like talking about mine outside the family.

People at work talk about their children and all I can see is their lips moving and I can't recall what on Earth they have been going on about for the previous 20 mins!

Your DH was bonkers to get involved although I do understand he meant well. You sound oversensitive.

Enjoy your baby. Your own babies are truly amazing but usually only to you and close family.

Why would the friends ask after the baby when they were party to the conversation you had with friend A at the start?

And involving your DH and her DH just sounds drama lama ish to me.

Actually I do think they were being mean in the sense they were deliberately not talking about something that matters a great deal to you. Even my childless friends ask after my DDs and we get that chat 'out of the way' as it were before talking about us as people not me as mum.

I would never ever get my DH involved to fight my battles (although I find abbreviations like 'cringe' and 'morto' more cringeworthy than the act but I may be out of touch) so in that respect YABU to get him involved when it's between you and your friends.

If you don't like who your friends are now you're a mum then it might be time to phase them out for people who suit who you are now.

Tough one. I can see why you are upset, especially after having had miscarriages (I was in the same boat) but I will say that I find my friends who have not had children (through choice or not) don't tend to ask much. I don't mind though because I like talking about other stuff. Having said that, I suppose they do tend to ask generic 'how are you?' Questions and I just pop a bit of info re lo in because let's face it, he takes up most of my life lol! Did they ask a generic 'how are you?'at least?

Oh god. Did you know DH was going to send that text???

Friends A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H and all their dh's must think you are bonkers

Oh dear OP I think you have over reacted.

I never ask about my friends kids. I am friends with them, not their kids.

I don't expect them to ask after my older offspring either.
Other peoples kids have got to rank amongst the top three boring subjects to talk about

And don't arrange a cocktail afternoon or lunch and bring alone a baby urghhh suddenly ill have a headache

Bollocks to your so-called friends and most of the responses on this thread.

Part of friendship is taking an interest in other people's lives and caring about what is going on with them. I might not have had (to pluck two random examples) a serious health scare or major building work on my house but it wouldn't stop me from asking about it and being interested if it was a significant issue in my friends' lives. What's so different about babies? You don't have to have one to acknowledge it and recognise it as a massive life change.

If you don't care enough to ask and take interest for a few minutes that's basically like saying I don't give a fuck about you or your life.

YABU to get your dh involved, and then your friend's dh, and then not accept the offer of the olive branch etc.
You do sound like hard work, tbh.

If you were upset on the day, you could have just said something then! It's perfectly feasible they thought this was a day away from the grind of new babyness, and you would be pleased to talk with other adults about other things. But the whole sulking and carrying on afterwards does make you sound quite childish.

Yabu, Your DH needs to butt out (stop calling women girls) and mind his own. You need to realise that no one but your DH and family are interested in your pfb. Sorry but not many people go for a grown up lunch with friends and want to talk about peoples offspring, they're hideously boring to anyone but you.

If you don't care enough to ask and take interest for a few minutes that's basically like saying I don't give a fuck about you or your life

But the op had already discussed the kid with friend A and the others heard about it.
What would they need to ask about DD again? It makes no sense.

I think it would have been polite for them to have asked how your DD was, but seriously, messaging your DP because they didn't?! And him taking it upon himself to get involved?! It all sounds rather self centered I'm afraid.

Be honest with yourself. Are you a baby bore? Is that why they avoided the subject? Maybe you need to develop a greater sense of self awareness.

Please also remember that everyone else will have their own battles/problems/private concerns going on that you may know nothing about. It's wonderful that you have had a lovely DD after so much struggle and heartache, but not everyone is as fortunate. Be happy that you can go home to your little girl and don't fret that some people didn't talk about her.

(Hopefully) in a gentle way I'm going to say YABU. It's very natural for you to want to talk about your baby, she's the major thing in your life but I'm going to guess that you post updates on FB, so your friends probably have a good idea of how things are going with your baby. Please don't take offense but there is something just so very boring about other people's children - it's a universal thing so it certainly isn't personal!

Also your friends probably wanted to see you and talk about adult subjects, I have no doubt that they see you as their good friend and person in your own right, not as "mummy friend". If they asked you how you are doing/what have you been up to etc... I think that automatically includes how your baby is doing.

Lastly, in a group setting sometimes the flow of questions/discussion isn't always perfectly even. I've certainly spent evenings with a group of friends where no one has asked about how my life is going. It's not malicious, it's just an oversight.

I really think it doesn't matter if you find babies boring. I make sure I include my friends in conversation by asking them about the big things that are happening in their lives and I dont think it would have killed you friends to ask you about the big news in yours, which is your baby.

However, take the olive branch. It may be that you friendship really is changed. Take it as it comes and seek out some other new mum mates.

Also, I don't find it boring talking about my friends' kids. I haven't even had mine yet. But I love my friends so by extension I'm interested in their partners and children. I don't get why other people find it 'hideously boring'. Of course it can't be the only topic.

But I really feel sorry for women with babies these days, it seems like you cannot be open about your joy in your kids or dare to put it on your social media in case people find I boring.

Everything everyone else is interested in is boring to other people to varying extents.

I like hearing about me friends' kids, and would usually ask about them, but I wouldn't have asked if I'd arrived to find you in full flow about dc. Partially because I'd probably have heard all I needed to know and partially because I wouldn't want to cover the same ground as you'd already covered with friend A.
Just because they weren't joining in doesn't mean that they didn't listen, and they may well have had nothing to add.

Asking your friend's dh if he thought it was bad was almost certainly going to give you the response you want. it doesn't mean he necessarily thinks that way.
I think the text your dh sent was designed to stir up emotions and I'm not surprised it has. Friend C then tried to make amends and you throw it back in her face.

They probably felt they'd heard all they need to about your dd, whom I'm sure is very interesting and lovely, but actually to most people babies aren't that wonderful to talk about.

As a parent I can enjoy talking a bit about babies and comparing mine/theirs etc. but if you're not at the same stage it can be tedious too.
I had for a time a group of friends who had children at the same stage, older than mine. I found with that group child talk often got quite boring for me as they were looking at a different stage-talking about applying for schools when I was talking about weaning. If I said I was finding something hard, then the response was often, "oh that's fine, just wait until they do..." I rarely had anything to add to a conversation when they were discussing things they found hard as I hadn't got there then.
Thankfully we didn't talk much about child stuff as we had plenty to talk about.

Iik pppp

This is so dramatic and out of proportion.