about my son at this playdate?

[deliverdaniel]

Genuinely don't know if I am being U and a bit precious out of worry for my kid so would appreciate some perspective.

DS is 6 and is quite shy and has a bit of a hard time socially. He has friends and is very sweet and kind, but is quite introverted and struggles a bit with the social side of things.

Over the weekend we organised a playdate with 3 other boys from his class in the park. I was keen to do it because I want to help/ encourage DS to make strong friendships etc and play with the other kids. (he had said these boys had been playing together at break etc.)

DS hates all kinds of ball sports- his problem I know, but he really doesn't like them and I am the same. When we arrived at the park the kids were playing happily for about half an hour, climbing trees/ swapping lego etc. Then one of the dads suggests a game of football. Obv fine. DS doesn't want to play, The other kids are so-so about it, and have to be persuaded . The dad keeps pushing it and pushing it until the other 3 join in. DS sits on the sidelines, doesn't play and feels very left out and upset. I try hard to encourage him to join in but he just doesn't want to so I don't force it. The dad can see that DS is left out on the sidelines but ignores it. This is fine- obv DS can't dictate what everyone else plays and has to learn that soemtimes you don't get to do what you want etc. But then when the boys start to get bored and want to play something else that DS would enjoy too, the dad keeps pushing and pushing them to play more football, even though to my mind this might be a good moment to encourage them to play something that DS can join in too, and that they would all enjoy? AIBU to think this is insensitive? Even if it is not the adults repsonsiblity to micromanage the kids, at the very least it would be kind not to deliberately push a game that leaves out one child. The dad pushed the football game for the entire playdate until it was time to go home, and later DS cried saying that he didn't have a chance to play with this friends. AIBU or is the dad? Thank you.

A group of 6 year olds on a play date should be able to get on with it on their own.
And if OPs son doesn't like football - so what? None of us do - DS has friends who amazingly don't like football either,they did other things together.
It's a game,if someone doesn't like it then they can find some other game to fill their time.
It is easier if you fit in with the crowd but not everybody does,I think the message that to be happy and make friends you have to do what everybody else does is pernicious.
On a play date there should be an attempt at least to find an activity everyone enjoys,it's fair enough to learn that if your friends want to do x and you don't you either join in or do something else,but in this case the instigator was the Dad - an adult should try to find something everyone will enjoy.

How long was this play in the park? I find most adults get bored after about 20 mins and need phones and hot drinks to lift the boredom. Great that the dad joined in. Not great that he took over. Most kids are happy to play in the park for a couple of hours. Did the dad keep the boys playing football for two hours? Park play dates should be long. Allows for plenty of interaction, different games.

notacompleter I think half an hour before the dad got involved, then 45 mins of football, then another half an hour of faffing around/ kids doing other things, dad trying to get the football going again.

deliverdaniel,
"We organised a play date"?
I take it that you organised this with the other parents?

If I organise a play date that means I am the mum organising it and i would let all the mums/dads know the venue and the time to meet up etc.
I would therefore be the first to arrive at the park and arrange the games.
So i don't see a problem with the dad and the football as the OP arrived later .

ava well there want a whole lot of organizing to be fair. I sent out an email to the other parents asking if they were free to meet at the park at that time

Ava we arrived first. Dad came later. There was no organizing. It was v informal. In our social circle usually play date at the park means that we just meet there and the kids play and the adults chat.

deliverdaniel,
What were you playing before dad arrived ?
You should of just told him straight that it's time to change games and can he not see your son sitting and watching and not being involved.
Sometimes you have to be the Voice for your child until they find their own.
YANBU.

U should have said to the dad it's time to play another game as my son is sat there on his own, not fair. If some one else's child was sitting down and not enjoying the game I would have the common since to change games! Sounds like the dad wanted to play football and not the kids