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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that this is nosey from dh's ex wife.

224 replies

AmazingJane67 · 20/03/2017 09:48

We have saved to take the dc to Florida this year dd17, ds16, ds7, dd5, ds3 and dss16 dd15.

I am a stay at home mum because of dd5 and ds3. This means dh is paying for the whole holiday. Dh ex has agreed to the holiday (its 4 weeks so most of summer break.) We asked her to pay half the cost for her dc as last year dh paid the whole cost of the holiday for her to go away with them. This was told to her when dh gave her the money for the holiday. It works out less then the cost of the holiday and she has had a year to save. She is now refusing to pay dh and has said that I should pay half and that I am not contributing to the cost of the holiday.

I must make a note dh and ex take in turns to take dc away every year so dh one year, ex the next.

Aibu to think she should mind her own business about finances and me.

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 20/03/2017 13:19

How is a multi millionaire not rich?

I don't believe for a second that your husband would pay for her holiday if she was married to a millionaire.

That was just put in there to make you look better wasn't it?

dowhatnow · 20/03/2017 13:19

Ah well she's cut her nose off to spite her face as from now on she''ll be paying for hers in their entirety.
The kids would probably have enjoyed the Lake District just as much, if not more, because it is different to their normal luxury holidays. I suspect you were happy to pay it all last year because you enjoy alternate years without your step Dc impinging on your own holidays?

Flowersinthe · 20/03/2017 13:21

Aibu to think she should mind her own business about finances and me.

I think you all need to get out of each other's finances (how do you know what her new partner has in the bank Confused ) and pay for your holidays completely seperate going forward.

Original poster
AmazingJane67 · 20/03/2017 13:21

No of coarse they are rich but he is not cash rich as people might think is what I said. Dh will pay anything for his dc to have a nice life.

OP posts:
anxiousandpregnant · 20/03/2017 13:21

This is really simple. She's not going to pay it, so let this be a lesson learned not to trust her in future. Tell your DH not to fund her holidays again, if she gives him a sob story of "I cant afford to take them this year" then you and your DH should take them away so they don't miss out or tell her to ask her multimillionaire husband to fund it.
If she cant afford to take her kids on a holiday then that's nothing to do with your DH really is it. He should just take them instead on your normal family holiday, it would be the same as giving her the money except it doesn't benefit her in the slightest.

phoenixtherabbit · 20/03/2017 13:22

He's being an idiot. What about the other dc he has with you? Does he throw money at them too?

Original poster
AmazingJane67 · 20/03/2017 13:22

I suspect you were happy to pay it all last year because you enjoy alternate years without your step Dc impinging on your own holidays?

No I would have been more than happy for them to come but there wasn't the room in the holiday cottage.

OP posts:
honeylulu · 20/03/2017 13:22

Why isn't the father of your older children contributing to their share of the holiday?

greenworm · 20/03/2017 13:23

OK, there is some backtracking going on now as in your OP you said your DH was paying for the whole holiday as you were SAHM, now you're saying you are paying with some money you had saved.

Honestly, I think you should

  1. Stop asking for half the DC holiday costs from your DHs ex
  1. Maybe ask if she can pay back the money your DH paid for her part of her own holiday last year, leave the children's costs out of it
  1. Whatever the answer to 2 is, agree to end this arrangement of every other yearly holidays with your DH paying 50% of costs on her years while she pays nothing towards your years(?). All you need to do is agree the dates each parent has the DC each summer, just keep what is done in that time, and all ensuing costs, completely separate.
phoenixtherabbit · 20/03/2017 13:23

Why would ops ex contribute? Presumable she is not paying for him and their kids to go away.

Imo it's not normal for one parent to contribute to the others holiday.

Original poster
AmazingJane67 · 20/03/2017 13:24

He's being an idiot. What about the other dc he has with you? Does he throw money at them too?

No he doesn't throw money at them.

OP posts:
phoenixtherabbit · 20/03/2017 13:24

But he is throwing money at his older kids and ex wife. Why are you ok with this?

PandoraMole · 20/03/2017 13:24

You all sound very spoilt and totally bonkers tbh.

Original poster
AmazingJane67 · 20/03/2017 13:25

Yes. but that saving is dh as well as mine.

OP posts:
GotToGetMyFingerOut · 20/03/2017 13:25

😂

paxillin · 20/03/2017 13:26

Madonna?

Original poster
AmazingJane67 · 20/03/2017 13:26

I can't control how dh spends his money and if he wants to throw money at his dc he can do so. Sometimes there is problems with inequality.

OP posts:
GotToGetMyFingerOut · 20/03/2017 13:27

So your ex gets to contribute bugger all but your kids get to go on holiday fully funded with savings and cash from your dh buy his don't. Seems fair.

Original poster
AmazingJane67 · 20/03/2017 13:27

Madonna?

Well I am a material girl and I'd rather be madonna then Katie price.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmazingJane67 · 20/03/2017 13:28

My ex husband died so I'm pretty sure he did contribute.

OP posts:
phoenixtherabbit · 20/03/2017 13:28

Ops ex might may maintenance? He might not even be alive for all we know!

Op - is the real problem the fact that your dh panders to his ex wife and kids and does not do the same for you and your children together?

phoenixtherabbit · 20/03/2017 13:28

Sorry op cross post. I'm sorry about that x

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 20/03/2017 13:29

Just stop contributing to each other's holidays it's a ridiculous set up. Pay for your own holidays, fully funding all children and make it fair. Accept she likely won't pay this year and give her nothing else.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 20/03/2017 13:30

That's a big drop feed. Sorry for your loss.

honeylulu · 20/03/2017 13:30

Why would ops ex contribute? Presumable she is not paying for him and their kids to go away.

Because OP DH seems to be funding the trip for him and his current wife (fine), their mutual children (fine), her children from previous marriage - very generous but ... is only willing to pay 50% for his own biological children from previous marriage. So his step children are getting a better deal than his biological ones. I can see why the ex is pissed off (whilst she conveniently forgets about her own funded hols last year).