To think that this is nosey from dh's ex wife.

[AmazingJane67]

We have saved to take the dc to Florida this year dd17, ds16, ds7, dd5, ds3 and dss16 dd15.

I am a stay at home mum because of dd5 and ds3. This means dh is paying for the whole holiday. Dh ex has agreed to the holiday (its 4 weeks so most of summer break.) We asked her to pay half the cost for her dc as last year dh paid the whole cost of the holiday for her to go away with them. This was told to her when dh gave her the money for the holiday. It works out less then the cost of the holiday and she has had a year to save. She is now refusing to pay dh and has said that I should pay half and that I am not contributing to the cost of the holiday.

I must make a note dh and ex take in turns to take dc away every year so dh one year, ex the next.

Aibu to think she should mind her own business about finances and me.

Ok so. I hand my ex 2k this year to pay for a fortnight in torremolinos for me and my 2DC and when I hand it over I TELL him he will be paying for half the cost of the DC holiday next year.

Except. I then go and book 4 weeks in an all inclusive 5 star resort in Bali and the cost, for half the DC is 10k

Should the ex still have to pay? After all, he agreed.

The OP seems to be ignoring everyone anyway to be fair.

I've never seen the point in starting a thread, if you don't have at least 10 minutes to come back and clarify some points.

If dh paid for her and the kids to go away last year and she agreed to pay half for the kids this year, which is less. Then yes she should pay. She bloody agreed.

In future she can pay for her own holidays with the kids and dh can pay for his.

What a weird set up!

Take the hit this year and don't pay for her next year.

But Anne op stated what ex has to pay is less than dh paid for her holiday so your example doesn't really apply.

Phoenix. I explained above how I would have tallied it in my head - I would have taken half the cost of the dc on what my holiday was and thought I'd have had that (roughly) to pay.

Not the total cost of my whole holiday.

How is that fair when you've had essentially, a free holiday. But yet you're only willing to pay half of that back if you like?

It's not like they're asking ex to pay for the dh evwn though he paid for her to go.

So, OP long gone or are you still there?

Lots of confusion - but am presuming that your two older kids (at least?) were from another relationship - or was your DH having kids with you at the same time as EXW (in which case I could understand some long term resentment!). If they are someone else's is their father contributing?

Really odd set up & TBH if you afford 4 week holidays and can afford to have 7 kids between you then surely the cost of 2 of the kids which is no more than 20% of the overall cost is incidental. Life lesson - pay for your own holidays as a family and let her pay for hers.

The original set up was stupid because as others have pointed out, she could be paying disproportionately more because of your choice of holiday destination. However, she is wrong to renege on an agreement even if the agreement was a stupid one.

You can't force her to do anything and therefore you will have to take the hit.

Hang on!

1. Did your dh pay for his dc to go on holiday last year, or his ex too?
2. What is the difference in cost between what he paid last year and what he wants her to pay this year?
3. Is your ex paying half for his dc to go? I'm assuming only the younger dc are both yours and your dh's.
4. Why on earth are you spending that much money if you obviously can't afford to!
5. I kind of think it IS her business because she's expected to contribute. The same way as if she was taking loads of people away last year and your dh was funding it, it would be his business, too!
6. What will happen now that she is refusing to pay?

But if the agreement did not spell out ££££ but was half of the cost of the dc I can see why she might add it up like that in her head. And it's no less fair - in the absence of a clear agreement it's just another way of looking at it.

I don't see why ops children are even involved in this. That's got nothing to do with dh ex.

Op is a sahm so obviously her she would pay for them, unless op and her ex have a similarly strange agreement!

Bloody sure if I was being asked to fund half the cost of my dc going on a trip of a lifetime I'd be asking if the op ex was paying his share for the cost of half his kids.

That would be absolutely nothing to do with you. The ex agreed. Presumably because she'd just been on a nice free holiday!

oh I know it wouldn't be my business and the op wouldn't have to tell me. I still would be Unable to stop the words coming out of my mouth.

Unless when the op DH handed the money over he was very very clear on what he was asking (not telling) from the ex then he hasn't a leg to stand on

I think the ex is being very decent forgoing part of her holiday time with the kids to let them have this trip

Tbh it was over generous him paying last year's holiday and this year's holiday he should pay himself. It's a weird set up

If I understand correctly, your OH paid for the whole holiday last year for the ex and 2 children? This year you are asking her to pay half for just the children that are hers?

Its a bit of an odd arrangement, but if thats what you do and she agreed it last year then she should stick to it really. She is paying for half her childrens fare so not paying for you or your children in any way (I assume?)

I think the problem is there because you are part of the family holiday too and not contributing financially (because SAHM so how can you). Is she annoyed because your OH is paying full price for your children that are not his) but not paying full price for his own?
It just sounds really complicated!

No generally it's not her business but you are making it by asking her. See it from her perspective your husband is paying fully for two kids that aren't his is their father paying for them

She's being decent by letting her kids see their dad and siblings? Is that not just being a parent?

I agree though, she should have known exactly what she was signing up to when she agreed. Why can everyone not just pay for their own holidays!

He should pay for his kids, he has chosen an expensive holiday not his ex. As others have asked is your ex paying for your kids?

The op is long gone so all this is pointless anyway. Going round and round.

He's not though is he, him and op are paying. And before you say she is a sahm, yes she is bit by doing that she is stopping herself/dh paying for childcare so in my eyes she's still contributing. I still think it's irrelevant who's paying for ops kids when the ex agreed! If she wasn't happy she a) shouldn't have accepted a free holiday and b) shpuldnt have agreed to pay half of this holiday

Most custody (i know it's not called that now ) agreements are 50/50 so the op couldn't go on her jolly if the ex didn't agree to forgo time with her kids.

" itsmine
What, do you mean if you ask for opinions on a chat forum you'll get opinions?"

Yes, obviously.
I'm just pointing a potential reason for harsh replies.