To think that this is nosey from dh's ex wife.

[AmazingJane67]

We have saved to take the dc to Florida this year dd17, ds16, ds7, dd5, ds3 and dss16 dd15.

I am a stay at home mum because of dd5 and ds3. This means dh is paying for the whole holiday. Dh ex has agreed to the holiday (its 4 weeks so most of summer break.) We asked her to pay half the cost for her dc as last year dh paid the whole cost of the holiday for her to go away with them. This was told to her when dh gave her the money for the holiday. It works out less then the cost of the holiday and she has had a year to save. She is now refusing to pay dh and has said that I should pay half and that I am not contributing to the cost of the holiday.

I must make a note dh and ex take in turns to take dc away every year so dh one year, ex the next.

Aibu to think she should mind her own business about finances and me.

It's really odd if your DH is paying the full cost for the OP's children that aren't his, but won't pay the full cost for his own children.

I don't have an ex-DH nor DSC but if I did and my ex- DH wanted my to pay half of a holiday for our DC whilst he funded his DSC I'd be furious!!

The problem is that some people don't see SAHP having any sort of impact on improving finances as a whole.

So, ex is probably thinking "why should I pay so that she can go on a free holiday, and her kids, too?"

Donut - but then he paid the full cost for his own children's holiday last year with his ex, and seemingly his ex's costs too. So you could argue she owes him from that because it was paid on the basis of her contributing this year. The OP and her children are kind of a separate issue to the DH, his ex and their children, in terms of the fact it seems to be a long-standing arrangement between them since they split.

I can see both ways of looking at it, and there's a lot of missing info!

Argh but it's not solely DH paying for ops kids is it. Yes it might be his actual cash but how many times have I seen on this forum, being a SAHM is a bloody job. She saves them money in childcare, therefore she is essentially contributing to her holiday.

Yes, if the dh hadn't paid for his ex and kids to go on holiday, he'd be completely unreasonable in asking his ex for money towards the holiday.

However, he has paid for his ex wife and children to go on holiday on their own. So why the bloody hell shouldn't she contribute when she has agreed to do so?

So, ex is probably thinking "why should I pay so that she can go on a free holiday, and her kids, too?"

Ex would be considerable unreasonable in thinking that as she herself, has just been on a free holiday.

Phoenix I get what you're saying.

My POV is though that the op isn't clear what was agreed and that

1. I'd have a problem being "told" by my ex

1. It isn't clear what money was expected from the ex and there are 2 ways of looking at that

1. It isn't fair to ask from one ex and not the other

what and extremely strange set up.

DH and I pay for holidays we go, dhs ex pays for holidays she's goes on. Why make it so complicated.

Maybe she can't afford the holiday, and probably agreed to whatever last year as she got a holiday for free.

I would pay for the lot and let her know that there will be no more contributing to her holidays in future.

So, your DH is paying the whole cost for his 2 step children, your teenagers, to go on holiday but both you and him expect his ex to pay half the cost of their shared children?

Told might just eg a figure of speech, they may have agreed it but we don't know that, she may have known figures but we don't know that.

We don't even know if ops ex is on the scene, and if she doesn't want to ask him that's irrelevant!

Why are people not mentioning that ops dh paid for a full holiday for his ex and kids? Is it only me that's seen that bit!

Oh no I see that bit. I don't know why he would have done that. It's most odd.

I still think I'd have worked the money out as I indicated up thread. But. Since the op hasn't come back ...

But he's paying for his wife, his other kids and her kids to go away.

I can see why ex might think that's a bit much, especially given the type of holiday!

We don't know where she went last year. A week in Benidorm is hardly comparable to a month in the States, for example. And OP never clarified if he paid for ex or just the dc!

I think she should contribute whatever he contributed last year.

But I think after that, the agreement should end because it's bizarre and asking for trouble.

I agree its none of her business. If she and her ex had an agreement then it should be honoured. Bringing you in is just muddying the waters.

Why in the world your DH paid for her holiday is beyond me. Keep it separate from now on. It seems very kind of him to pay for her holiday, shame that's being lost in all the noise.

Op has said her contribution will be less than hers was.

I still think ops kids are irrelevant! Who pays for them is eff all to do with the ex, they're not asking her to pay for them, or dh or op or the kids they have together.

It's just weird.

I would have personally laughed at the dh when he said tell you what I'll send you on holiday with the kids if you pay for half their holiday with us next year.

Who does that! And why was op happy with her dh paying for his ex wife to have a week away, it's down right weird.

Too many unknown factors re finance.

True DH may have paid for ex's holiday last year, but was this in lieu of maintenance? Is the maintenance a reasonable amount? Does he often pay for ad-hoc things? Does he expect paying back? It's hard to take "paying for the holiday" as a separate issue.

Well we don't know about maintenance, but I'm guessing he doesn't want paying back - he wants her to pay for half her kids holiday as per their agreement?

This was a bad idea. Parents choose where they go on holiday based on their finances. I could not afford to pay half the cost of two teenagers going to Florida for a month. That will be a big expenditure.

I don't really have anything to say, other than SEVEN kids, including FOUR teenagers for A MONTH in FLORIDA!!

It's your family's choice to take 7 kids to Florida so your family should pay for it. You and DH are married so it's none of ex's business if you contribute to your family's finances or not.

In future, I'd just not pay for her holiday with the DSS's and just pay for them whenever you take them on holiday yourselves.

Ex wife should pay for her own and dss's holidays and not ask your DH to pay.

I think we need to know exactly what was said last year and what was agreed to. Did the ex know what the cost would be?

What OP's arrangement with her ex are are irrelevant (logically) but might have been asked in the context of "omg, you're going where???" OP might be widowed for all we know, or her ex might contribute nothing.

As OP seems to have gone we'll never know.

Also agree it's a weird set up and everyone should pay for the holidays they take the kids on. So no room for misunderstanding.

Yes 7 kids in Florida for a month! There is something not quite right here. Who in their right mind would pay a small fortune to put themselves through such hell!

No the arrangements we made were that they would take each one on holiday in alternate years so they could go on bigger/better holidays.

She took them to Dubai last year paid for by dh in its whole cause she didn't have money then due to a recent purchase. He said fine but pay their half for the holiday to Florida a year later. The half we paid last year is less than this years half. It's only half of the cost of her dc so if it's £1000 per person she pay £500 each for both dc.

She has a well paying job, has a dh who is a multimillionaire.

Also of course we would still pay for dc. I know it's four weeks in Florida we are only making her pay half accommodation plus half flights passes for parks and things we are not splitting.